Family v Quality of Life

Which is more important to you?

Re: Family v Quality of Life

I'm not sure what you mean here. It can mean a lot of things?

To me I think it's the same. If I can spend time and make my family happy, I have good quality of life.

But you could also mean having children vs. taking more vacations, or making sacrifices vs. being selfish.

Please elaborate!

Re: Family v Quality of Life

I think they go hand in hand. Family is an important aspect of my quality of life.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

my family and its happiness is the single most important factor when assessing the quality of my life.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

My family improves my quality of life.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

I am talking about in general with moving. I know this gets talked about a lot here.

But would you rather have your family close by and struggle to survive in an area, or live further away where you are comfortable but have no family near by.

Would you move in with your inlaws/parents if that meant staying near them?

or

Would you rather move elsewhere, find a stable job and live in a nice rental, house, etc?

Re: Family v Quality of Life

I chose "other", because for me, it's really situational.

If we're talking places to live, then quality of life wins over being near family.

If we're talking about helping people - let's say a family member has some kind of emergency situation, and we could help them financially but it'll mean our quality of life would suffer as a result, then family would be the priority.

So it depends...

ETA: based on your update, for me, quality of life is more important. There are places you can move that are more affordable and are still within a day's drive of your family. It's not at all the same as living in the same neighborhood as your extended family, but it's not like you'd never see them again either.

Message edited 1/27/2011 12:48:16 PM.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

I need my family near me. It would too much of a emotional burden NOT to have them so I would struggle with that.

For example, DH and I bought a 2bdrm coop instead of a house to be in the neighborhood I grew up in where my family is. Had we moved to LI we could have got a house but it was important to be near family.

In the future it may become more realistic for us to move another neighborhood to get the house we want, but I will always stay w/i 10-20 min driving of my parents.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

Message edited 1/27/2011 12:52:32 PM.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

family hands down. i fought to live only a little short distance from my parents since they were getting older. with the market being down it afforded me that but its hard to keep things afloat. we could of moved out of state and dh could of transferred to another location and kept his salary (which is peanuts) but would of gotten us much more somewhere else. I could of gotten a job at another college but then who would be left to assist my parents? My brother lives so far away. my parents still do so much for me so how could i return the favor.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

My situation is the opposite of most peoples

my family all moved from NY (Dad, Bro and Sister)

I am still here

it doesn't mean we aren't close, it doesn't mean they aren't important to me

they all moved from NY b/c that is what was best for them- and I am still here b/c that is what is best for me

if things change I felt I could have a better life in FL - I would go

My dad moved there in retirement, my bro moved there after college- very different points in there life

I know my bro would like to move back up north- but now he has a business in FL

but the reality is that I would not be able to make the money I need to make in FL - and family is just 1 aspect of my life

Am I saying money is more important then family? of course not- but I do need to be able to pay by bills at 33 and not live off my family- my indpendence is also a part of who I am

I spent 33 years building a life here- thru good times and bad- I am not going to just pack it up b/c my family chose to move away

I wish they were still in NY- but I understand why they moved and I respect it

Re: Family v Quality of Life

Re: Family v Quality of Life

Family.

I could do without almost ANYTHING - but I would not want to live without my family.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

My little family of 4 trumps all-so whatever we can do to make that work is what we do.

I wouldn't move for a bigger house, but I would move to be able to spend more time and provide more to my kids.

I would love to be near grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, but I need to see my kids for more than I could if I stayed in NY. So, that trumps.

As it is, my mom is moving down, my BFF and her family moved down, my ILs will probably move down in the next couple of years. It's working out the we are getting a pretty good balance.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

Family.

I had to make this choice already. For what I am paying for my mortgage I could have gotten a nice house in LI and had the whole thing to myself, big yard and all.

Instead, we bought my parents' house and live in the attic. Tiny little attic with one tiny bedroom with a dog and baby. Now we have to spend MORE money to renovate it so we can be more comfortable here. All to stay close to my parents and ILs and also to help my parents keep their home.

Message edited 1/27/2011 1:18:54 PM.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

I picked quality of life, but not for monetary reasons.

When we lived in NY DH was communiting into the city for the first 6 months of DS's life. DS's bedtime routine was 6am-6pm so DH never saw him during the week. Then DH was offered a really good job in NJ. He still didn't see DS durning the week but on top of that he was traveling 3-4 hours of day. So he would leave at 5:15am the latest and be home around 9pm. That is no quality of life if you ask me.

It was really hard for my parents to understand why we were moving, especially my mom. When we finally moved and she came out to us, she couldn't believe how much driving my DH was doing and admitted to making a good choice.

Now, my DH works 14 miles from the home and if he doesn't have to work late, he is home by 5:30. A late night is 7/7:30 . So even when he has to work late he still gets to see the kids and really no extended family could change that.

I still see my family just as much as I did when I was in NY and they lived 5 minutes and 30 minutes from me.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

Re: Family v Quality of Life

I picked quality of life, but as another person said not for monetary reasons.

Currently in order to save money, since DH is unemployeed we live in my parents rental apartment in their home. Is it nice being close? Sometimes, but not always.
Since my parents have a retirement home, Upstate, NY, (120 miles from NYC) they have already told us that within 3-5 years they will be selling the house we currently live in. DH & I have option to buy the house we currently live in but we are thinking about moving Upstate, NY (300 miles from NYC) ourselves.
Why? Because with our combined savings we would be able to have the home of our dreams, & never work a full time job for the rest of our lives. Be able to enjoy raising our future children & traveling.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

I need to be here. I need to be close to my family as well as DH's. I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen - whether that means a smaller house, two kids instead of four, driving a used car instead of a new one, etc.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

Message edited 1/27/2011 2:06:16 PM.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

Re: Family v Quality of Life

I chose family...My DH works in jersey and I really wanted to live in LI to be near family. I didnt want to do bridges to see family!

So his commute is 1.5 - 2 hrs each way bec he is the best DH ever! lol! I feel bad...but I think he new I would be miserable alone in a new state..I give women on here so much credit beign able to pick up and go, I wish I could for my DH, but I cant!

Re: Family v Quality of Life

I checked quality of life..

DH and I bought our first home in PA. We knew 1 person in the area we moved to. We moved 1hr and half from our families in Bklyn. We were an island all our own.

We knew we would never afford a home in NY; and we didnt want to raise our children in NY either. We wanted to move out of NYC. Was it hard leaving our families. Hell yeah; but we're an hour and half away.

we wanted a better quality of life than what NY could afford us and we have DS now. it was the best decision we made.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

Family BUT I will find a way to get both. Working on it.

Re: Family v Quality of Life

My parents originally wanted to move to PA and my grandmother guilt tripped them about never seeing her grandbabies. I love my family TO DEATH and can't imagine not being near my parents, but my mom said wherever you go is fine with us. DH and I are planning to move to CT soon. We wouldn't isolate ourselves in a place like FL, but would live close enough that a day trip could happen once in awhile.

I don't forsee my brother and SIL staying on Long Island (her parents moved to PA), my parents cannot afford to retire here and said they would settle in between me and my brother (my other brother has special needs, so he would just go with my parents), my uncle and aunt just bought their retirement home in FL. So there are options for us. I think there needs to be a balance between family and quality of life.