Feeling kind of bad

I am the second out of my friends to have a baby and the first out of DH's friends. I have noticed that the first thing that girls ask me is: "How was it going back to work?"

And I realize that they are looking for me to make it easier for them to think about. I know that most if not all of them are going to go back. They want me to make it "okay" and I know that I did the same thing when I talked to moms.

But, its not okay. It will never be okay. I cry every single day. I cry thinking about it on the weekends. I am crying now.

And, I feel bad. I am not going to lie but I know they want it to be okay so it will be okay for them. A friend yesterday asked me to stop talking about it, since she has no choice but to go back after a few months like I did.

I wish I could be more encouraging, but I can't.

Re: Feeling kind of bad

Re: Feeling kind of bad

Re: Feeling kind of bad

I am the first out of our friends to have a baby, and I am brutally honest. I am not going to sugar coat the fact that it is SOO incredibly hard to drop DS off at daycare and come to work. I would want someone to be honest with me if I wasnt the first to have a baby. I also listened to everyone saying it gets easier, when in fact its getting HARDER for me.

Re: Feeling kind of bad

When people ask me I am honest because it does suck...I am not going to say Oh everything is fine...when it's not and they will see that once they go back. It sucks and that is all there is to it....maybe some people will find it easier but for me it was hard and it will always be hard leaving my loved one for such a long period of time.

Message edited 11/30/2010 10:57:03 AM.

Re: Feeling kind of bad

I hear you.

and like Jojo, I find it best to tell the truth.

it doesn't make it fun. but it does make it real.

and besides, some people don't feel it like you do. like I do. some people can do it and feel better about it.

one never knows how it will effect them.

Re: Feeling kind of bad

Posted by Ophelia

I hear you.

and like Jojo, I find it best to tell the truth.

it doesn't make it fun. but it does make it real.

and besides, some people don't feel it like you do. like I do. some people can do it and feel better about it.

one never knows how it will effect them.

Re: Feeling kind of bad

Ughhh my heart totally goes out to you right now! Honestly though, they need to hear the truth! I would so much rather someone tell me how it REALLY is so I can prepare myself for the result whether it be suck it up and go back or prepare to stay home. Everyone told me how impossible it was to go back! So DS and I didn't buy a house, didn't buy expensive cars when our leases were up, or go nuts spending so we could prepare for me to be home for a little while. We are by no means the type of people that have the kind of money where I am able to just hangout and be a SAHM. We sacrificed and are sacrificing so much so I could do it for just the school year (I am a teacher). If I can't bring myself to go back next year I might even consider going down to 1 car to minimize expenses and just drive DS to work or move back in with my parents. This will definitely set us back from buying a house for a few years but it was the right decision for us. We have grad school loans out the wazzoo as well! If you explain the pros and cons of staying home and the pros and cons of going back to work then at least they can make an informed decision and get ready for it. I think you are a great friend for doing that... not a situation you want to sugar coat!!! There is no easy decision no matter how you look at it but at least if they are informed they can prepare for what works for them! Plus, you are going through a tough time yourself with this and speaking about it makes you feel better I am sure. Next time they ask I would tell them that if they don't want to hear the truth then don't ask lol! I feel like this topic is similar to labor/delivery... no one tells you the nitty gritty of how it REALLY is! Everyone said labor was bad... but not TRAUMATIZING! HAHA Now that I went through it I understand why... no one would have babies! I find myself sugar coating the details when I talk to friends with no babies.

Message edited 11/30/2010 11:09:08 AM.

Re: Feeling kind of bad

That feeling of wanting to see your child never goes away. After fighting with being a working mom for 1+ years, we decided that I will stay home indefinitely when the second one is born.

My friends (non-parents) are making me feel bad about my decision to stay home. I've gotten comments like I'll be bored (obviously they do not have kids!), I will be wasting my education, I'll regret it later on, etc. etc. etc.

Re: Feeling kind of bad

Re: Feeling kind of bad