feeling sad about new baby?

It hit me the other day that all of a sudden, a new little person will be in our family and we have given so much love & attention to our first, that I started getting feelings of sadness...like we have just been us 3 for awhile now, and how the dynamic will change.

Is this normal? I know it will go away and we are excited, but I guess I just feel bad for my current DC.

freaking hormones!

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

Totally, completely, 100% normal.
I went through the same exact thing. Even when DS first arrived I still dealt with a lot of sadness for my DD. But she loves her brother, I love my son... it feels like this is the way it was always meant to be. You'll be fine. Just know that it's normal to have those feelings.

Message edited 3/1/2011 12:51:05 PM.

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

It will go away fairly quickly. Once you see how your child interacts with the new baby, you'll forget all those feelings.

I love listening to the two of them laughing at each other in the back of the car, kissing each other and holding hands.

It just adds a different dynamic to your family-in a good way.

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

Posted by speakthetruth

It hit me the other day that all of a sudden, a new little person will be in our family and we have given so much love & attention to our first, that I started getting feelings of sadness...like we have just been us 3 for awhile now, and how the dynamic will change.

Is this normal? I know it will go away and we are excited, but I guess I just feel bad for my current DC.

freaking hormones!

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

its very normal.
i actually felt that way about our dog.

you have enough love to love all your children

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

I remember feeling that way when I was pregnant with #2. I think it's just the uncertainty of things and trying to anticipate what is to come.

I can honestly say that baby #2 has added nothing but more richness to our lives. My older DD is a better person because my second DD came along.

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

Totally normal!

I was actually pretty depressed during my pregnancy. I felt so sad for DD and very guilty that we were bringining another baby into the house.

DS is now 6.5 months, and I still get pangs of guilt when I can't give DD my undivided attention. We have 2 days a week that we do something with just the 2 of us. I have my MIL here one day and then a babysitter the other day. It's helped me feel a little bit better to have that 1:1 time with DD.

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

Totally normal...

I am not ashamed to admit that when I got preggo with my DC#2, i got sad because I just loved DC#1 so much that I couldn't imagine being able to share my love with anyone else..

as time went on and that little new creation grew inside of me, the more my heart sang and swelled for that new baby..

it wasn't truly until she was born that I realized how silly my feelings were because I had loved her just as much all along and couldn't imagine my life without either of them..

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

Have you ever read this poem ?



Loving Two
As I walk along holding your 3-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" And I hear myself telling you in mine,"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.
I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.




My DD is still going to be a "baby" herself when this LO arrives and from time to time the same feeling comes over me....

But then I remember back to when we brought her home to my DS (then 3) and the love between the two of them took my breath away...Everything just kind of fell into place...Still now (at 2 & 5) they still adore eachother (and fight like crazy )

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

Posted by Bops

Have you ever read this poem ?



Loving Two
As I walk along holding your 3-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" And I hear myself telling you in mine,"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.
I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.




My DD is still going to be a "baby" herself when this LO arrives and from time to time the same feeling comes over me....

But then I remember back to when we brought her home to my DS (then 3) and the love between the two of them took my breath away...Everything just kind of fell into place...Still now (at 2 & 5) they still adore eachother (and fight like crazy )

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

I went thru the same exact thing right before DD#2 was born. I was sobbing and actually held DD#1 in my arms even after she fell asleep in my arms after her night bottle, the day before my c/s. After DD#2 came home, there was no sadness at all; just joy.

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

Going through this right now! DD loves her new brother to death already, but has her little moments where she is testing the waters now and has this new little side to her personality that is a little spiteful/bratty/nasty, like she is mad at me for having him, even though all she wants to do is be with him.

Saddens me so much, I have cried several times, feeling like I have "ruined" her.

Hoping it all goes away soon!!!

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

OMG I'm so glad there is a post about this, bc this is how I've been feeling for most of my pregnancy and I feel so guilty that I feel this way...I feel sooo awful for DD and she's soooo attached to me and our time together it breaks my heart!!!

Re: feeling sad about new baby?

Completely normal. I was terrified of this....being able to love another as much as I love my oldest....being able to give them both time, attention, love...but as EVERYONE on here said, you just DO....naturally....you just love the second (or third, etc.) as much as your first, your love amplifies, intensifies, etc. And there's nothing better in the world than seeing your kids with mile-wide smiles and giggling at each other.