Feeling so unprepared for the baby (long, sorry)

DH and I just married in December. We literally just bought a huge fixer-upper house (got my BFP morning of closing), we hadn't even planned on trying for kids for another year and a half.

This is a great surprise, and we're thrilled, of course, especially considering how dfficult it can be to get pregnant (I always feared that I would have problems conceiving for some reason), but I feel so unprepared. We're trying to figure out how we can afford this baby and how to adjust our lives around him/her. It's daunting, to say the least.

I am going to try and get permission to work from home (I'm a Web editor), but I'm not sure they will agree. I am graduating with my master's in English lit in May (yes, I'll be 8 months pregnant!), so I might be able to teach night/early morning classes at local colleges to make some money. Also, some colleges allow professors to teach online, which I am going to look into, and DH and I can both freelance as well.

We didn't overreach for our house (fixed rate, payments reasonable) but we do need both of our salaries to cover mortgage, phone, electricity, etc. We bought it with the expectation that we would be spending a lot of our disposable income on fixing up the house. I'm not talking aesthetic things, either, like new paint. I'm talking about $6000 worth of work just to get it up to code (we bought it as-is), and as a 100-year-old house that was occupied by an elderly widow who didn't take care of it, there is a lot that truly needs to be done. Plus, a house is just going to be more expensive than an apartment. We've calculated these expenses, and it will be a little rough on both our salaries, but manageable. So one of us not working is really not an option. Plus, we both want to work. We love our jobs and I am excited about getting back into the academic world as an adjunct professor.

I think if I settle my working situation I will calm down, but I can't help feeling really overwhelmed at the moment. Also, we moved to PA after we married for job and education reasons, and all our family is on LI. I'm only a little over an hour and a half away, but the distance does not lend itself to a lot of constant help from family. We have great friends here, but none of them have kids or are planning to for a few years.

We haven't told anyone yet, partly because I'm scared to before the 12 weeks are up, and partly because I want to be able to answer questions about what we're going to do money-wise (plus, great Christmas surprise!).

I guess I'm wondering if anybody else is in a similar situation and how they handled it.

Sorry this is so long!

Re: Feeling so unprepared for the baby (long, sorry)

I can definitely relate to how you are feeling. We also just bought a house (closed at the very end of July) and I'm due in November (but could go at any point now based on baby's size). We thought this was so much time to get things ready, and well...it's been stressful. I feel like projects are started but nothing is completely finished and there are unpacked boxes everywhere still. Not to mention all the stuff we got at showers that there is just no place for yet because the baby's room isn't done....it's a vicious cycle. My family is on LI, DH's is in PA and we are in CT...so I know what you mean - my family and friends have been helping when they can, but it really has come down to DH and I.

Although we can handle all the bills and everything, we are a lot less secure than when I was working so I understand those fears. I stopped working to care for two sick family members and then got pregnant and because we were new to CT, figured it would be tough to get a new job and then leave a short time later (I'm planning to be a SAHM for now at least). We were especially on pins and needles because DH is an architect/interior designer and the group he works with was considering not renewing his contract but thankfully it just went through.

My best advice to you is to take it day by day. As an anal and crazy planner, I've had to really learn to just go with the flow. There is no perfect time for a baby, but it seems to have a beautiful way of working itself out. Prioritize your house projects and work on them a little bit at a time - conquer a big one or two, but some little ones too so you feel like you are getting stuff done. Succumb to the fact that some projects won't get done until another time. I had visions of everything we wanted to do being done by the time our baby arrived - now I realize how silly that was - everything takes at least twice as long as you expect it to! Ask for help. This is never something I've been good at, but you just have to. My mom just came up for a couple of days to help me sort through all the baby stuff and to paint our office. We got to spend time together before the baby and we actually got some things done! Definitely better than be walking around in circles not getting stuff done because I don't know where to start!

As you get closer to having the baby, you will find that it will all work out - I promise!

Re: Feeling so unprepared for the baby (long, sorry)

everything that your feeling is norman, especially when its a suprise pregnancy. what i do is make a list of things that need to be done, in order of their importance, and i just peck away at it. The reality is, there will never be enough money, something will always need to be fixed, ect- so you just have to start somewhere and get working on it. I think once you start getting some projects started on your new house, and get secure in your job plans- you will be ok. Take it one step at a time- you want to enjoy this pregnancy, it goes so fast.

Re: Feeling so unprepared for the baby (long, sorry)

We're in CT, 2.5-3 hours from my family and 1 hour from DH's family. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and we're buying a house now. We plan to move in 4-6 weeks.

Ideally, we would've had a house before TTC, but when we didn't find one right away, I didn't want to put off TTC for 6+ months. I figured it would probably take a while to get a BFP. I ended up getting pregnant the first month we tried. Things seem to be falling into place, but the past month or so had been pretty hectic and stressful with trying to close on a house and figuring out what work we'd like to get done before moving in. I definitely worry about owning a house and then not working for 3+ months. I also worry about the extra expenses of childcare and having a baby. I'm sure we'll be fine financially, but we're making a lot of life changes in a short period of time.

I agree with Katie that you should take things day by day. You have a lot of time left to figure things out. Good luck with everything.