Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

Here is an interesting thought...

I have two SILs on DH's side (we married 3 brothers). Yesterday one of them who is extremely religious asked me if I think it makes her a bad person that she is praying for me to get pregnant before the other SIL does.

Background: DH and I have been ttc for three years, while the other BIL/SIL started ttc on their honeymoon last month.

While I know I will cry if they get pg first, in my heart I know that their success has nothing to do with our failure. The other SIL said that in a funny way, I have more than "earned" a pregnancy and by right it should be my turn first.

This may be a hard question to answer, but does anyone else feel like they have "earned" this or that we "deserve" pregnancies more than people whose BFPs come easily?

I hesitate to admit it, but for the most part, I think we do deserve it. Maybe it's because people in our situation prove their commitment to parenthood before the embryo even has a heartbeat. Your thoughts?

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

I guess I do feel like this in a way...Now that I am going through IF I feel like I am much happier for someone who I see get pregnant after experiencing the pain of IF than someone who gets pregnant on the first try.

I believe every baby is a miracle but I guess with IF I definetely am more cynical.

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

I really agree.

I know I'm probably considered one of the "newbies" on this side... but I know what you mean.

I do sometimes feel like we "deserve" it more... even though I know it's wrong to feel that way.

I try to think of it like this - there aren't a limited number of people who can get pregnant. It's not like someone who gets pregnant by accident or someone who gets pregnant their first month trying is taking my spot... KWIM? So I try to think of it that way... in the way that no matter how many people get pregnant before me, there will still be room for me. It can still be my turn.

But at the same time, it does upset me.. I do get those "when is it my turn?" thoughts.

A close friend of mine just found out that she is pregnant and she said she was "nervous" to tell me... and that she was sad because she wanted me to get pregnant first. She said she prayed more for my BFP than for her own.

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

god, this is such a tough question! I don't know how i feel!

With all my heart, I feel we all deserve to be pregnant and to be moms one day. I always think I was made to be a mom. Dealing with IF is so difficult. When I do get to be a mom, I will be so thankful and will cherish every second I get to have with my kids.

I don't think I have earned the right to be a mom more than someone who can get pg easily. As jealous as I can be at times, I don't want to take that away from anyone who truly wants it and deserves it. I think about this often b/c I am the only one in my family who struggles. But, i can honestly say I don't think I will love my kids more than anyone else in my family. I think we learn not to take things for granted more than the average person.

What bothers me most is when I hear of teenagers getting pg "by accident" or someone who really didnt want a baby gets pg. That's when it hits me.

Dont know of this is making any sense....I am an emotional wreck in my 2ww!!!!

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

I also don't think we "deserve" it more than others who don't have to struggle.
I have mostly gotten over the resentment of others' pregnancies and children, maybe because I have also come to terms with the fact that it probably won't happen for us. I'm human and still have pangs sometimes, but it's certainly not all-consuming.
I truly feel that all babies deserve to be born and if someone wants to have a child they deserve it just as much as I do....I think I would prefer if people didn't have to struggle. After going through this for so many years myself, it breaks my heart when I see and hear about others going through the same thing.

Everyone should get their child, no matter if it's easy or difficult - no person is more deserving of a pregnancy than any other.

JMO

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

This is a very difficult question to answer.

I have to say I don't think i deserve it more than others. With the exception being irresponisble teenagers and drug addicts and such, but that's obvious.

After I miscarried last year, I was filled with complete resentment for any woman who was pregnant or had children. It made me crazy with jealousy and sadness when someone I knew had it and I didn't. At that point, yes, I think I felt I deserved it more.

I can't honestly say I don't feel completely free of those feelings anymore. Some days I do- some I don't. But every woman deserves to be a mother if that is what she wants. I guess some are just luckier than others.

Do I think it's fair that we have to deal with the pain and heartache while others get pregnant their first month trying? Do I think it's fair that we have to go through what we go through with doctors and blood tests and invasive procedures? Do I think it's fair that some of us have to panic through our pregnancies because we are terrified of losing our child again?

No. I don't think that's fair and I truly wish it didn't have to be that way. But to say I am more deserving than someone else isn't exactly fair for someone who hasn't felt the heartache of infertility, either.

I don't know- I hope this made sense.

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

Hmm.. I was lucky enough to get pg on our third round of IVF but wanted to add my thoughts...

I am a person of order. Things should go in order. There should be a line everyone gets on and when they get to the front of the line they should get what they are waiting for. No cutting!

That probably doesn't make a lot of sense. But I guess what I am saying is that if you've been trying longer than someone else than you should get pregnant first. I know it doesn't work that way but that's how I feel.

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

Message edited 11/29/2008 7:09:07 AM.

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

At this point, after TTCing naturally for 3 years and working with an RE for 1 year, I definitely think DH and I deserve it but the way things are going I am starting to think I must have done something really bad in a past life.

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

Posted by CaseyGirl

At this point, after TTCing naturally for 3 years and working with an RE for 1 year, I definitely think DH and I deserve it but the way things are going I am starting to think I must have done something really bad in a past life.

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

Posted by CaseyGirl

At this point, after TTCing naturally for 3 years and working with an RE for 1 year, I definitely think DH and I deserve it but the way things are going I am starting to think I must have done something really bad in a past life.

Re: Food for thought... Do we "deserve" pregnancies more than other people?

I've been thinking about this a lot and I don't believe I deserve to get pregnant.
I think about everything I have in my life and it's because I've worked to achieve those things, so yes I've earned it. But meeting my DH and falling in love was not earned, it was something else that brought us together.
I believe that most things in life can be controlled by you and achieved by your efforts, but having a baby is not one of those things. Sure you can go through all the procedures and give it your best try but there is no guarantee and I believe it's not up to us whether we will get pregnant or not.
I don't think I deserve to have a baby and through all this I have thought about the gift of life as just that a gift given by God for various reasons. I'm hoping he will give me that gift but I don't believe it's a definite.

Although I will say that I think we are more appreciative for getting pregnant and being given that gift because it did not come easy.