? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

Question for SAHMs...

Do you feel guilty asking for time for yourself? Or for a break??

I have been home with Megan now going on 3 years and I still cannot get it through my head that I deserve a break every now and then. My dh usually watches her while I cook but I hardly call that a break. I go to weight watchers on Wednesday night for 45 minutes and even that, I sometimes dont stay for the meetings. I dont get manis or pedis, I am not a big shopper, I cant afford to go to the movies on a whim..so I basically just dont get a break.

I hate to sound like I am whining or complaining but I feel so guilty when I feel the need to ask either my dh or my mom for a break...mainly because Megan is such a handful that NEVER stops. But I need to realize that I am entitled to some down time too.

Any other SAHM's have a hard time asking for a break? I feel like this is my job since I dont work outside of the house but then again I have to force myself to realize that my dh gets breaks at work..so when is mine? Just wanted to see if I was alone in this or not?

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

Heck no! If I have had it..... I tell DH when it comes home that he has 5 minutes to change and take care of DS.

A break can mean to me, I am not watching DS eve if I am in the same room, I get myself a glass of wine, I am stopping by a store on my way home and I may be home 1 hour later.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

Yes, I do feel guilty since DH works 2 jobs. My "alone time" is usually running errands by myself and even that has become a family affair. My only time alone is my shower at night or if I choose to stay up late making hair clips while DH plays video games.

We are ENTITLED to a break. We bust our butts caring for our families and you should ask for some time....start with just once.....and see how it goes.

Grab a cup of coffee and sit somewhere.


Sometimes DH pushes me out the door and while I LOOOOVE being with my kids and husband, sometimes I just need the blessed silence of not being around them.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

Noreen - I have been feeling this way for a long time.
Problem is - I never ask for one either.
I just suck it up I know it is a bad way to put it - but sometimes I really feel like I am going to lose my mind.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I am not a SAHM and I will tell you that you are 250% ENTITLED to a break and some 'me' time !!!
Mommies are still PEOPLE !!!! You should absolutely not feel guilty or 'bad' - If you are home all day w/ your child, you don't get a lunch break, you don't get a pee break, you're probably lucky if you even get to shower alone !!!

Is it possible for you to ask your DH to give you 30 min a night to go for a walk? You'll get out of the house, clear your head ........and be able to do something for YOU (I noticed you said you go to WW - so I thought the whole walking thing might help )

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I do feel like that sometimes and I hate it. Sometimes I just leave on Saturday morning for 2-3 hours just to clear my head but even then, it is never really clear. DH works late so I am with 5 days a week all day and night.
I can't wait for the day that DH says to me " go and take some time for yourself I will watch them". I hate that I have to tell him that I need alone time.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

So funny that you just posted this. I was in desperate need of a break recently. We just moved and have been so busy getting settled that there has been no time for a break for me. it was taking it's toll big time. My mom was just visiting from FL and I took lots and lots of breaks - just to run out and go shopping alone. Shopping for stuff for DD and the house, but still it was so nice! I know I need to do it more when my mom's not here and I used to. DH is good about encouraging me to do it. He likes getting one on one time with DD too.

Try not to feel guilty. Take some time to go read a book in the park or something. You deserve it!

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I never ask for help either.

My DH is good, but he works a lot and he's out at night 2-3 nights a week teaching (oh, and darts one night...lol). On the weekends, I tell him "Abby is no longer my daughter...she's yours." But it never works out that way because I can't shut off my "mom switch" and we have two anyway, so... I have my time after the girls are asleep, which is great because I'm entirely alone, but I NEVER have any Erin time during the day...NEVER!

It's like I refuse to ask my mom. I don't know, I feel like she has an attitude of "I raised my girls, now you raise yours..." And her mom died before I was born and my dad was a heavy drinker and we were on foodstamps...so she didn't have it easy, but come on mom! Give me a break! (Digress much...) Finally, I broke down and asked her to come with me when both girls get their shots next month! But that's as far as it goes. I wouldn't dream of calling her up and saying, "Hey mom, mind watching the girls while I go get a pedicure?" So I wait for DH to get home to do that kind of thing...

And my ILs would watch them I'm sure for a couple of hours during the day, but you're right...it's this guilt thing like "She's running around town pawning her children off on others--who does she think she is?!" I'm sure no one thinks this, but it's my own insanity.

OK, done rambling. In short...I'm with you!

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I totally feel the same way..u are not alone! However, when i do get the alone time..whether it's a mani,pedi, shopping...i feel guilty the WHOLE time bc i am not with my son!!!

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I use to feel bad to ask for a brake however I smacked myself in the head and said hey you deserve a brake But in all honesty everyone should have some "me" time here and there. I actually just went out to dinner with 2 of my high school friends and then went for a few drinks without our dhs. I have been out maybe a handful of times with in the past 4yrs. I actually had such a nice time, I told dh that I am going to do this 1-2x's a month.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

no!

When my sister visits, she's here 15 minutes and I am out the door to an exercise class.

My mother and father came for a visit, Leo and I ran off to the mountains for 2 days.

Leo works over 60 hours a week...when he comes home or his days off, if I have anywhere in the world to go, I will go. Lately I have been running if he's home. I make sure I set Josh up with an activity and the TV on in my room...

For me, its very important for josh to know he will survive without me in the room. I think if I did not leave, I would turn into his security blanket.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I get none..nada-nothing.
I cannot get to a gym or get a pedicure.
noooooooo time.
Everything I do I do from home--i go out I bring them with me.
Oh wait..sometimes I go to cvs for 5 minutes.
ha.

Message edited 9/23/2008 11:26:33 AM.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

If I had anyone to ask I'd be taking time for myself. But DH works long hours and my mom works and visits her mother in the nursing home after work so I just don't have anyone else local to ask.

On the weekends DH hangs with the kids and I can go out on my own, but that's our only time together as a family so I don't like leaving them for too long.

Don't feel guilty, just because you are a mom doesn't mean you don't deserve time alone.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

We shouldn't feel bad asking for a break. We are busting our butts all the time with our DC's so why shouldn't we get a break. I am fortunate because my mom is next door so I get lots of breaks all the time. This summer she was away for 2 months in Italy but my DH was off cuz he is a teacher so if I needed a break or needed to get things done he always stayed with DS which was perfectly fine since DS is obsessed right now with haning out with daddy.

Do I feel guilty with all the breaks I get? No Do I call a couple of times to check up on him? Yes... I am a worry wort...

Does Megan like any DVD's. It's bad I know but if there is a DVD that she likes to watch then maybe you could try that, just so you could have a cup of cofee or tea or just if you need to relax for half an hour or 1 hour. Hey I do it when I need a break but mostly I do it if I need to get things done around the house and need him out of my way. Little Einsteins and the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse are Matthew's favorite shows.

You deserve a break Noreen...

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

In the beginning I was the same way. I hated asking for time for myself.

Now - at almost 15 months later - I take a break whenever I can get it!!!

You need time for yourself.

I have also noticed that when I'm gone (even for say 20 mins) Jack responds so much better to me when he sees me. It's the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I think! He probably needs a break from me too every now and then!

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

yes i am the same way as you. ..trying to work on it bc i know im entitled to a break but it is hard for me.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I feel the same way! On weekends I feel so guilty handing off alot of the daily stuff to DH since he works so hard during the week but, I just can't handle EVERY meal 7 days a week, etc.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I don't feel as if I am 'asking' for breaks -when DH comes home from work, it is expected that we are a team - so if I have to go out, he's fine with taking care of DS and putting him to bed and vice versa.
My dad, brother, mother and MIL also are great in that respect. My brother works locally so he will pop by whenever for a visit or if I need him for an hour. My dad gets out of work at 2:30 and passes my house to get home, so he'll swing by for a visit or to let me run errands. Between my mom and MIL, someone is always available to watch DS for a bit.

This is one area that I cannot complain about (talk to me about cooking dinner, cleaning up, garbage night and laundry and that's a whole different story!)

I know this is my 'job' right now - but people who work outside of the home eventually get to 'clock out' so taking time for me just makes sense.

Message edited 9/23/2008 12:58:17 PM.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

Nope. No problem asking for a break when I'm working or when I stay home. I actually felt more guilty doing things for myself when I was working because I had less time with DD.

I have book club, girls nights, scrapbooking, etc. DH has his things that give him a break it's only fair that I should have mine.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

Posted by Diana1215

In the beginning I was the same way. I hated asking for time for myself.

Now - at almost 15 months later - I take a break whenever I can get it!!!

You need time for yourself.

I have also noticed that when I'm gone (even for say 20 mins) Jack responds so much better to me when he sees me. It's the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I think! He probably needs a break from me too every now and then!

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I don't feel guilty for asking for a break, but even when I ask I don't get one. DD is only 11 months old and I work PT but there are days where I feel like ripping my hair out and DH just doesnt get it.

Since DD is at an age now where I would feel safe leaving her with my sister or one of my sisters friends I think it's time I start going out and having time to myself to just destress and relax.

There is no reason you should feel guily!!

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I'm am mostyl a SAHM, but I also work in the afternoons. I have no problem asking for breaks when I need them, and giving them to DH as well. Sometimes things get hectic and I don't get much me time, but when things are calmer I get more of a break. I also will often put DS to bed and then go out for a late dinner with my friends. That way DH is home, but he doesn't even have to wrry about DS.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

Nope, I dont feel bad/guilty at all. I am a SAHM and being home during the day there are no breaks.. When she naps I start doing laundry, or organizing.

We are fortunate to have both sets of granparents who will take her whenever we like, overnight or for an hour or 2, within 20 minutes from us.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

I am not a SAHM mom but i will be for the next 6 months. And i have to tell you I give so much props to you SAHM's. It is not easy catching a break for yourself and now that I have 2 forget it. When one is restign the other wakes up. I dont get any "me"' time really during the day maybe just like 30 minutes. I take my breaks at night. And now that I am not working DH has this attitude like I am supposed to do everything.

ETA: When the grandparents are here they take over so i can get some "me" time. DD is only almost 3 weeks so I am still not to keen on leaving her with anyone though until I start pumping milk.

Message edited 9/23/2008 2:27:11 PM.

Re: ? for SAHM's...asking for a break from time to time..

i'm sthe same way, but i've been making it a point lately to have more girls night outs. i usually get the kids all ready for bed first, but it's nice to be out. i still always feel guilty about taking time for myself.