For those who have dealt with parents having surgery...

I need some support and advice. First things first, my dad is scheduled to have his prostate removed on July 10. He was diagnosed with the early stages of prostate cancer and has been given an excellent prognosis for being cured. He is 56, otherwise healthy, and has no symptoms of cancer whatsoever.
I have full faith in the fact that my dad is going to make a full recovery, and I am usually the first one to think the worst. For some reason, I'm not worried over this. I'm really not.
My dad has never had surgery and he's really scared. He and my mom have been together since they were 14, so that's 42 years together. This is by far the scariest thing they've ever gone through together.
That being said, they are notoriously anxious people. My sister and I suffer from chronic anxiety thanks to their scary outlook on the world.
As July 10 creeps closer and closer, they tension in the air is rising, and they are just two basket cases. Everything is exaggerated to the enth degree and, while I know this is a scary time for them, I just don't know how to help them. We currently live with them while we work on our house, and I am in the midst of it all every moment of the day. I want to help them, but I don't know what to do. They have both been prescribed Xanax, but man, even that isn't working.
Anyway, I guess I am just looking for some advice on how I can support them through this because it's becoming harder and harder to do that. I want to be a good daughter in every way I can, but I feel like I can't be right now

Re: For those who have dealt with parents having surgery...

My mom had lung surgery 4 years ago and she has Borderline personality disorder.

I think the best thing you can do for them is distract them from it (give them a project to do with Ava or a project for the house something that is positive). What do they like to do? My mom loved to crochet and I told her how I wished she could crochet me a blanket for your new home and she did. It took her mind off it.

Also, help around the house (do laundry for them without being asked, cook dinner, clean, etc); give your mom a break (send her to get a manicure or something) and take your dad to his next dr appt.

Sorry that they are on "high alert" and driving you nuts. You and your mom and dad are in my prayers.

Message edited 6/17/2008 11:10:41 PM.

Re: For those who have dealt with parents having surgery...

Re: For those who have dealt with parents having surgery...

It's very difficult.
My mom is still dealing with Stomach Cancer and had to have two surgeries. She also has anxiety issues and is on medication.
All you can do is be there for them...talk to them, divert them as much as possible. The best thing we have done is take her mind off the surgery/treatment as much as possible. Get them out of the house and do things. The toughest part of an anxiety disorder is that they tend to obsess over the surgery/illness and you need to get them off of that and onto something else.

Good luck!!

Re: For those who have dealt with parents having surgery...

Rach, I took care of my father when he had bypass surgery. It was a nightmare, the time leading up to it, and by far what was worse, was the recovery period.

That was truly the darkest time in my life because I feel like it infected every part of my day, every aspect of my life.

I really didn't start to get a handle on things until I sought therapy. It helped me balance between taking care of his needs, and taking care of MYSELF.

Just something to think about

Re: For those who have dealt with parents having surgery...

I helped care for a parent in a coma for two years-who under went many operations during that time. (Along with 100 percent care.) I was only in my 20's. Just starting to teach and still going to school at night. If you would have asked me the day before it all happened...I would have told you I never would have gotten through it. Somehow my family and I did. The power just came from inside us. You too will get your power from 'with in' yourself. I send you and your dad lots of