| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 3 |
noni882
LIF Toddler
Member since 7/06 378 total posts
Name:
|
friend's 3rd wedding
One of mine and DH's very good friends is getting married for the 3rd time. The wedding is in February and DH and I are disagreeing on what to give for a wedding gift and also shower gift.
DH has been the best man at the previous 2 weddings and will be again this time. I was a bridesmaid for 1 of the weddings and my DS was a ring bearer as well.
Would you give as large as a gift this time around as you did the last 2 times?
Opinions?
|
Posted 12/16/16 10:20 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
People have showers for 3rd weddings?
I always thought showers were to help get items needed to start a home and household- dishes, towels etc.
So she will have 3 sets of everything? Did she throw out all her household items with each divorce?
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:22 AM |
| |
|
Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6656 total posts
Name:
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
I'd definitely give a smaller gift.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:24 AM |
| |
|
RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3990 total posts
Name:
|
friend's 3rd wedding
Smaller gift
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:27 AM |
| |
|
noni882
LIF Toddler
Member since 7/06 378 total posts
Name:
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Our friend is the groom. I am still invited to the shower though. I am assuming each of the other wives took the household stuff.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:30 AM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Posted by NervousNell
People have showers for 3rd weddings?
I always thought showers were to help get items needed to start a home and household- dishes, towels etc.
So she will have 3 sets of everything? Did she throw out all her household items with each divorce?
So, I agree with you.
HOWEVER, what if it is the other person's first wedding?
Also, when I left my ex, I LEFT as in ran, as in, I don't have ANYTHING from my first marriage. All my stuff is hand me downs, etc.
So, ya never know is my point
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:31 AM |
| |
|
JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
|
friend's 3rd wedding
Your DH has spent a lot of money on this guy's weddings before - they are having a big wedding again, with a bridal party and everything?
I would not give as much. You've already spent so much on his weddings, who is to say that this will be his last.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:32 AM |
| |
|
KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
|
friend's 3rd wedding
Definitely a smaller gift. For my second wedding I told everyone that was invited to the first that they didn't even need to give anything, I just wanted them there to celebrate.
I would opt for some sort of gift card to somewhere or a real gift rather than give money though.
For the shower, I had one for my second but again said I didn't want one. It was small and close friends and family. The gifts were more fun than household items like my first. Such as my aunt gave me a case of imported tomatoes because I like to cook.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:32 AM |
| |
|
gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
If I was the groom I would tell my friend a gift is not necessary
Then as the guest I would still get a small registry type gift
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:40 AM |
| |
|
PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
100% give a smaller gift. Your friend has to realize it's a bit much to expect a large gift for wedding #3.
If it's the girls first marriage, I'd go to shower and do the usual $50-60 budget. If it's not and she's just having a shower because she wants one.. I would decline and if you want to be nice, send something personalized from Etsy - no more then $25
I know $ shouldn't matter, but in the case of 3 weddings, it kinda does.
Personally, if I were your friend, I would tell you guys to please not give us anything out of pure embarrassment that you guys have shoveled over so much money
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:40 AM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by NervousNell
People have showers for 3rd weddings?
I always thought showers were to help get items needed to start a home and household- dishes, towels etc.
So she will have 3 sets of everything? Did she throw out all her household items with each divorce?
So, I agree with you.
HOWEVER, what if it is the other person's first wedding?
Also, when I left my ex, I LEFT as in ran, as in, I don't have ANYTHING from my first marriage. All my stuff is hand me downs, etc.
So, ya never know is my point
But even if it's HIS first wedding, I would imagine they are combining a household right?
Like she has a house full of stuff and I am sure he has been living on his own, (not straight out of mom and dad's house, kwim)?
What could they possibly need?
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:42 AM |
| |
|
ANR1211
My loves
Member since 2/11 2131 total posts
Name:
A
|
friend's 3rd wedding
I think it depends- if it is her first wedding, she deserves the whole experience, so I would attend the shower and give a normal gift ($50). For the wedding, I might scale back a little more than normal, but would still give s nice gift (probably $200). If this is not a first wedding for her, I would certainly scale back on everything and decline the shower.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:47 AM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by NervousNell
People have showers for 3rd weddings?
I always thought showers were to help get items needed to start a home and household- dishes, towels etc.
So she will have 3 sets of everything? Did she throw out all her household items with each divorce?
So, I agree with you.
HOWEVER, what if it is the other person's first wedding?
Also, when I left my ex, I LEFT as in ran, as in, I don't have ANYTHING from my first marriage. All my stuff is hand me downs, etc.
So, ya never know is my point
But even if it's HIS first wedding, I would imagine they are combining a household right?
Like she has a house full of stuff and I am sure he has been living on his own, (not straight out of mom and dad's house, kwim)?
What could they possibly need?
Agree again.
But to play devil's advocate then why do any couples who live together have shower?
ANOTHER reason not to get married again
Message edited 12/16/2016 10:55:49 AM.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:54 AM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by NervousNell
People have showers for 3rd weddings?
I always thought showers were to help get items needed to start a home and household- dishes, towels etc.
So she will have 3 sets of everything? Did she throw out all her household items with each divorce?
So, I agree with you.
HOWEVER, what if it is the other person's first wedding?
Also, when I left my ex, I LEFT as in ran, as in, I don't have ANYTHING from my first marriage. All my stuff is hand me downs, etc.
So, ya never know is my point
But even if it's HIS first wedding, I would imagine they are combining a household right?
Like she has a house full of stuff and I am sure he has been living on his own, (not straight out of mom and dad's house, kwim)?
What could they possibly need?
Agree again.
But to play devil's advocate then when do any couples who live together have shower?
ANOTHER reason not to get married again
Yeah I think that's it. My opinion may be skewed because of my over practicality!
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:55 AM |
| |
|
Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
|
friend's 3rd wedding
Personally, I wouldn't go to a shower for your friend's 3rd wife.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 10:59 AM |
| |
|
LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Is it her first marriage or multiple for her too? If it is multiple for both, skip the shower and give a smaller $150 gift. If it is her first marriage, regular $50 shower gift and $200-$250 wedding gift. I would not give more under these circumstances.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 11:06 AM |
| |
|
chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
|
friend's 3rd wedding
Is it HER first wedding? If son, I would treat it as such and do everything I would do for any first wedding. If not, I'd scale back a bit on gifts
(But it depends on a lot of the circumstances - A good friend of mine just got remarried (2nd wedding for both) - she's been divorced for over 10 years and she really was starting over again - she had moved home and was taking care of her parents for many years. So if there are circumstances that make it more "understandable" to do the shower/wedding thing, than I would give the same gift as if it was a first marriage)
|
| Posted 12/16/16 11:16 AM |
| |
|
pumpkinmom
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 2911 total posts
Name:
|
friend's 3rd wedding
If I went to the shower, I would give my normal shower gift. For the wedding, I would give a normal wedding gift - like the average amount I would give for a wedding, not the larger gift I would give as part of the wedding party.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 11:23 AM |
| |
|
Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
I think if whether or not it is the bride's first wedding makes somewhat of a difference. If so, I would go to the shower and spend about $50. If not, i would decline the shower.
Regardless, I would give a smaller wedding gift, like $150-200. The bride should understand, she is marrying a guy who has been married twice before and people shouldn't have to shell out $$$$ each time he gets remarried. Are they having a big bridal party and all that too?
When my parents got married, it was my dad's second marriage and mom's first. They had a very small justice of the peace ceremony and dinner in a restaurant with about 30 people. They just didn't feel right making a big deal and imposing on people. It becomes tacky and burdensome on people with multiple big weddings IMO, unless they say no gifts.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 11:29 AM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Posted by Chai77
They just didn't feel right making a big deal and imposing on people. It becomes tacky and burdensome on people with multiple big weddings IMO, unless they say no gifts.
This.
100%
|
| Posted 12/16/16 11:36 AM |
| |
|
Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Chai77
They just didn't feel right making a big deal and imposing on people. It becomes tacky and burdensome on people with multiple big weddings IMO, unless they say no gifts.
This.
100%
Since the OP Said her DH was the best man in both first two weddings I'm gonna say the friend in question is the guy. So going on a guess the other party is a woman. So it's highly possible for HER it's her first wedding.
Most divorces the woman's taking most of the stuff and the guy isn't passing on wife #1 & Wife #2's stuff to Wife #3 or I seriously doubt Wife #3 is taking on any of that stuff. Would you?
So I don't see the big deal about asking for stuff.
*shrug*
|
| Posted 12/16/16 12:01 PM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Posted by Xelindrya
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Chai77
They just didn't feel right making a big deal and imposing on people. It becomes tacky and burdensome on people with multiple big weddings IMO, unless they say no gifts.
This.
100%
Since the OP Said her DH was the best man in both first two weddings I'm gonna say the friend in question is the guy. So going on a guess the other party is a woman. So it's highly possible for HER it's her first wedding.
Most divorces the woman's taking most of the stuff and the guy isn't passing on wife #1 & Wife #2's stuff to Wife #3 or I seriously doubt Wife #3 is taking on any of that stuff. Would you?
So I don't see the big deal about asking for stuff.
*shrug*
No but unless I was 21 years old and still living at home with my parents, I would have my own stuff BEFORE I got married I would think
I was picturing this couple as older than kids- because of the fact that it's the THIRD wedding.
Unless it's his third wedding and her first and she's never had a place of her own.
Then that's different
|
| Posted 12/16/16 12:04 PM |
| |
|
stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Posted by Xelindrya
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Chai77
They just didn't feel right making a big deal and imposing on people. It becomes tacky and burdensome on people with multiple big weddings IMO, unless they say no gifts.
This.
100%
Since the OP Said her DH was the best man in both first two weddings I'm gonna say the friend in question is the guy. So going on a guess the other party is a woman. So it's highly possible for HER it's her first wedding.
Most divorces the woman's taking most of the stuff and the guy isn't passing on wife #1 & Wife #2's stuff to Wife #3 or I seriously doubt Wife #3 is taking on any of that stuff. Would you?
So I don't see the big deal about asking for stuff.
*shrug*
Yeah i kind of need to know if its her 1st wedding to comment on a shower gift. Attending the shower is about being present to celebrate AND showering the bride to be for gifts to start their life together
As for wedding gift maybe treat it like a milestone bday gift 
|
| Posted 12/16/16 12:07 PM |
| |
|
Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
|
Re: friend's 3rd wedding
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Xelindrya
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Chai77
They just didn't feel right making a big deal and imposing on people. It becomes tacky and burdensome on people with multiple big weddings IMO, unless they say no gifts.
This.
100%
Since the OP Said her DH was the best man in both first two weddings I'm gonna say the friend in question is the guy. So going on a guess the other party is a woman. So it's highly possible for HER it's her first wedding.
Most divorces the woman's taking most of the stuff and the guy isn't passing on wife #1 & Wife #2's stuff to Wife #3 or I seriously doubt Wife #3 is taking on any of that stuff. Would you?
So I don't see the big deal about asking for stuff.
*shrug*
No but unless I was 21 years old and still living at home with my parents, I would have my own stuff BEFORE I got married I would think
I was picturing this couple as older than kids- because of the fact that it's the THIRD wedding.
Unless it's his third wedding and her first and she's never had a place of her own.
Then that's different
So true except in my mind.. meh
My sister is on her 3rd possible. She's in her early 20s.
Some start young!
I make no assumptions anymore!
|
| Posted 12/16/16 12:11 PM |
| |
|
MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
|
friend's 3rd wedding
Like others said, it would depend on if it's the bride's first wedding. I think if it is she deserves a shower like anyone else. I'm sure she's given countless gifts from the registries of friends and family so now it's her turn. Not her fault the groom has been married before. If she has, then I'd be a little more surprised about another shower but to each their own. I'd get a gift similar to what I'd spend on a friend but not go over the top just bc dh is the best man. For the wedding, again I think I'd gift what I would a typical wedding rather than spending more bc he's the best man.
|
| Posted 12/16/16 12:20 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 3 |
