Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Well, it's been an odd road for us as far as finding out the gender.

We have a DS and I was hoping for a DD. (I'm sorry if that is insensitive to people trying to conceive but it's just my honest feeling). We were told at the 12 week NT scan that it was a boy. I didn't put 100% stock into it but either way after a day or two I really kind of got into the whole "having another boy" aspect. I imagined that if my son could choose of course he would want a brother- a best friend for life. I imagined them being each other's best man, bringing home a dil for me, lol- I know that's all waaay future but my point is just that even though I was thinking pink I had really turned it around.

Then we go for another scan yesterday and were told it was a girl! Tears streamed down my face. I can't explain it- I thought this whole time that "I felt" this little girl inside me.

Guess what? The tech was totally inexperienced and was wrong- it IS a boy! Basically, the next two people to look at the sonogram like 15 mins later (there's nothing wrong thank god with my baby but two other people came in together to check my water level bc the tech thought it was low) said it was in their opinion 95% a baby boy.

What a crazy feeling came over me. I felt disgusted with myself for that wonderful feeling I had that after all it WAS a baby girl. I felt like such a bad mom. I felt like a jerk.

Now I wouldn't say my gender disappointment is extreme at all- I'm just being honest with my feelings. I had a kind of crappy relationship with my mom growing up- maybe that's why I have a desire for a daughter- idk. I love my new son already but ugh what an emotionally twisted day.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

oh god that's nuts that the tech was wrong! what a rollercoaster of emotions - i can only imagine.
you are definitely not a bad mom - so many people have a preference, even if they don't say it.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

I dont think you are a bad mom at all! you had alot of different emotions based on circumstances and it is not anything to be ashamed of. You are entitled to how you are feeling and you know you will love your baby no matter boy or girl.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

That is part of the reason I'm not finding out.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Having had issues getting pregnant and knowing that it will be the same if we try again after this one I really want a girl. I know I will be happy with whatever I am given but part of me really wants the experience of having a baby girl. DH has a funny feeling that we are having a girl which probably means its going to be a boy! lol again, I will be happy with whatever I am given. Beggers cant be choosers.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Wow, that's tough. Don't be hard on yourself -- your feelings are completely understandable.

How far along are you? It's usually really clear by 20 weeks, so I'm surprised there would be any disagreemenat at all. to you.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Being told one thing and then another is a big emotional roller coaster.

I wouldn't feel bad or like a bad mom at all. It doesn't mean you love your child any less, you just were expecting something else!

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

sorry you had to go through that! don't feel guilty, not matter what the sex is i am sure you will love him or her the same when he/she arrives

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

That does not make you a bad Mom! I agree with the pp's, that must have been a huge shock! I think anyone experiencing that would be emotional regardless

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

don't beat yourself up! I'm having similar feelings and I don't even know what the sex of the baby is!!

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

That must have been rough, I know how hard it can be.

When pregnant with my DS, I really wanted another girl. When I was told I was having a boy, it was fine but I was a little disappointed that my DD wouldn't have a sister-something I also wanted growing up.

You can't fault how you feel, they just are.

It's part of the reason I'm not finding out this time. I want to take the focus off the gender-since I get too wrapped up in it. I just want to focus on the new baby and pray for their health

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

I was told at 12 weeks it was and they were wrong, it is Neither DH or I were "disappointed" but it was def a roller coaster. I was looking up girl nurseries and bedding and DH was daydreaming of walking her down the aisle I don't think techs should even guess that early. It just makes no sense, KWIM.

These are our first (and second), so either way we feel blessed with whatever God grants us. But I won't lie, next time around I want a girl You are entitled to your feelings and shouldn't feel guilty...we are human !

Message edited 5/19/2011 10:08:36 PM.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Wow, I would of been so upset but dont feel like youre going to be a bad mom. Its totally normal to have feelings like this. I know youre going to love your little boy regardless.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

That sounds like a huge rollercoaster of emotions to go through! I'm sorry about that...and your feelings are human, everyone has them..don't beat yourself up!!

With that being said...you can't imagine the joy that having 2 little boys will bring. It's amazing. To see them together, help one another, do "boy" things together etc...i just love it. And they both ADORE their mommy and cuddle up on either side of me at night to read books and sing songs etc..

Just concentrate on all the great things to come.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Dont be too hard on yourself. I would have felt the same way.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

That was hard.. being told one thing, and then flipped.. don't be hard on yourself.. many of us would have reacted just the way you did. You dream, you make plans.. and then it gets changed.. regardless, it doesn't mean you will love your LO any less.. and you are not a horrible mom. Take it easy.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

i agree with all the other ladies! It's only natural to have some disappointment when you are told one thing and then another. You are/will be a great mom!!

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

It is tough to think you are carrying one sex, and then they are wrong twice!

I believe that many moms and dads have some kind of a preference, even though they will say that they just want a healthy baby...of course...we all want a healthy baby!! Don't feel bad for having any kind of disappointment, its likely because you were told one thing, and then another. Had you been told a Boy from the beginning, you may be feeling differently.

Think, now DS has a brother, and that is one special bond, and they will be super close!!

Congrats!!

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Awwww I think your feelings are totally normal. I was told at 17 weeks by a friend of mine who is an ultrasound tech that I was having a girl. If at 20 weeks the tech at the office said we were having a boy I would have been devastated! Dont worry once you hold that little baby in your arms it wont matter what gender he is

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Don't be sad! I thought I was carrying a girl for the first 18 weeks, I was so sure I would have bet my life on it. When they announced Boy, I was dissapointed persay, it was like wait, what did you just say. It did take me a few days to adjust to the fact I had a weiner inside me

You're not a bad mom, you're a normal human being.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Posted by Ayne11

It did take me a few days to adjust to the fact I had a weiner inside me

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Believe me, I went through the most awful feeling, also. Same as you. And this is coming from tons of IF issues. I had my DS via IVF and got pregnant this time on my own. They did a gender guess at 12 weeks and guessed boy. DH and I were disappointed because he's got 3 boys already (my 2 stepsons and my DS) and my SIL has 2 boys, there are no girls on DH's side of the family. I knew SIL was going to be disappointed.

I finally wrapped my head around the idea that I was having a boy. I was thinking the same things as you. DS would love a brother. They would be 2 years apart and best friends for life. I then remembered what it was like holding DS that very first time, and the intense love I felt. Knowing all of this made me realize I will love this new baby boy as I loved my son, and the gender didn't matter one little bit.

Later that day, I got the results of my CVS and to my unbelievable surprise the sono tech was wrong, it was it was a girl. I had the most AWFUL guilt over my complete excitement of it being a girl.

I completely understand how you are feeling, but you are a HUMAN BEING with expectations out of life. Honestly, if this one was a boy, we were going to be going for a 3rd (5th for DH!!). We very badly wanted a girl as well. Don't feel guilty about that. You are a woman. You want to buy girly things and have a pink room and do all those things. You cannot be blamed for that. You are a great mom and I know you know deep down that you will love that new DS the moment he's in your arms. You will feel the joy and excitement again and all the feelings of disappointment will melt away

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Dont feel bad, you did go through a bit of a rollercoaster and most people would have similar feelings.....and for the record, when you described your DS's being each others best men and all that, I got the chills! Congrats, brothers are amazing! DH has 2 brothers and their relationship is incredible!

Message edited 5/20/2011 10:26:27 AM.

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

Don't feel bad. I kinda know what you're feeling. I have a DS and I just found out I'm haviving another I cried! NOT because I was having a boy, but because I realy wanted a
You're allowed to have those feelings. It doesn't mean you'll love your any less

Re: Gender disappointment I guess and just a weird day.

i dont feel you are a bad mom or wrong for the feelings that you have. they are YOUR feelings and you cant always control them. MANY women secretly pull for a certain gender over another (i do!) but it doesnt mean i wont love the other gender just as much.

to be told one thing, then another, and then back to the original is like a super mean trick! obviously they didnt mean to mess with you like that but you're talking about another human life and they have tyou quite the rollercoaster of emotions!

im sorry to hear that you had to/are going through this. i woudl imagine i would react the same way.