had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

So apparently, she is at the end of her rope with Miki the past 3 weeks or so, miki has NOT been listening to her at all and just being a handful...

the sitter asked me if she could discipline her....I said yes, of course. She said she is not going to spank her (I would NOT be comfortable with that and I told her so) but she is going to be more stern with her and stand her ground more.

She also said that miki still needs her nap and starting after thanksgiving (she is on vacation next week), she IS going to put miki down for a nap, even if she screams (miki has not taken naps in a few weeks, she will flip and scream / throw up if you try to put her in for one but she DEFINITELY still needs one - she will fall asleep in the car if it is anywhere near her nap time so I know she is still tired)

I am so stressed over all of this, although I know it is normal growing pains. I just do not want miki to hate going there, lets hope this is a SHORT phase and she is back to her fun loving, sweet self soon

Message edited 11/18/2009 11:12:03 AM.

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning

Hmmmm I think it is OK if she is more stern with her. But I do think you need to work on the nap thing. I mean I don't think its OK to go to K's house and scream and throw up and then you sit with her at night until she falls asleep ya know? Sort of mixed messages. Does G still nap? Maybe if she naps with her it will be better...

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning

Maybe she isn't listening because she is bored. Have you thought about more of a daycare/preschool situtation?

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning

Posted by pinkandblue

Posted by DRMom

Hmmmm I think it is OK if she is more stern with her. But I do think you need to work on the nap thing. I mean I don't think its OK to go to K's house and scream and throw up and then you sit with her at night until she falls asleep ya know? Sort of mixed messages. Does G still nap? Maybe if she naps with her it will be better...

ugh, I know....I really feel so lost with this whole situation. K cannot sit with her every day, I should not have to either but I figured it was better than the alternative

yes, G does still nap and when K put them together, miki screamed and screamed and woke G up so that was done

I just don't know what to do........Miki does not even want to go upstairs at K's house, which is where all the bedrooms are...she told me that the air went on and it was loud, hurt her ears and scared her so now she does not even want to go up there.

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning

I wish I could help you out. I do think it sounds like your sitter is great. I mean she is asking everything upfront which I would appreciate. I'm sure its all stemming from the new baby.

GL and keep us posted

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning

I also have been keeping her bedroom door open and usually she will walk into my room during the night (last night, it was 4am) and asks me to hum to her....

I lead her back into her room, sit on her bed and hum her back to sleep....

I have no idea why but all of a sudden, she does not want the doors shut, even when she is in the bathroom, she freaks if I shut the door......

I know that if I put her in for a nap, she will keep getting out of bed and leaving the room...should I just keep putting her back in her room with the door open until she "gets it"? should I shut the door for naps, even if she cries

has anyone went through this? how did you handle it??

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

Damien did stuff like this when Jaidy was born. So to me it sounds like she just has to adjust to the new person in your family. Give her a month or two. The best thing is definitely for you and the BS to be on the same page when it comes to her discipline. If you both follow through it should get better

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

Posted by Stacey1403

Damien did stuff like this when Jaidy was born. So to me it sounds like she just has to adjust to the new person in your family. Give her a month or two. The best thing is definitely for you and the BS to be on the same page when it comes to her discipline. If you both follow through it should get better

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

Posted by Diana1215

Posted by pinkandblue



I know that if I put her in for a nap, she will keep getting out of bed and leaving the room...should I just keep putting her back in her room with the door open until she "gets it"? should I shut the door for naps, even if she cries

has anyone went through this? how did you handle it??

Steph, typing w/ one hand so it will be quick
i don't have experience first hand but -
on supernanny what she says to do is put the child in bed and say "miki, time to go down for a nap now. love you - see you when you wake up" (or something along those lines.

when she gets out - be more stern when putting her back "it's time for a nap now"

next time she gets out - you say nothing - just put her back.

repeat until she stays in there - I've seen it take up to an hour and a half - but it does work. you can't talk at all to her after the first few times

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

What is she sleeping in? Could it be that it's uncomfortable and maybe a mat or cot might be better?

You mentioned she's surrounded by children her own age...do they all nap at the same time or is it done in shifts?

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

this is so typical of her age and getting a new sibling. so many of the kids i taught went through the exact same thing.

i'd be more firm with her and try to get her over this phase b/c letting it run it's course may make things worse.

i'd set a timer and maybe get her a sound machine for home and the sitters so she doesn't need u to hum and she doesn't hear the air come on at the sitters. maybe set it to soft music to ease her. i'd also set a timer of how long you stay with her before bed but keep it short.

can he sitter give her time outs? does that work for her? i also time out my ds' toys if he's being difficult (take them away for a while or the day) instead of timing him out all the time and that seems to work.

the door thing is tricky, if you're up for it i'd say it's better shut. but maybe just put up a safty gate.

gl! i know how hard it is juggling an infant and toddler.

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

is the baby going there as well? maybe that will change things around for her?

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

Posted by LoveBeingMrsT

this is so typical of her age and getting a new sibling. so many of the kids i taught went through the exact same thing.

i'd be more firm with her and try to get her over this phase b/c letting it run it's course may make things worse.

i'd set a timer and maybe get her a sound machine for home and the sitters so she doesn't need u to hum and she doesn't hear the air come on at the sitters. maybe set it to soft music to ease her. i'd also set a timer of how long you stay with her before bed but keep it short.

can he sitter give her time outs? does that work for her? i also time out my ds' toys if he's being difficult (take them away for a while or the day) instead of timing him out all the time and that seems to work.

the door thing is tricky, if you're up for it i'd say it's better shut. but maybe just put up a safty gate.

gl! i know how hard it is juggling an infant and toddler.

Message edited 11/18/2009 12:34:50 PM.

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

DD is trying to shed her naps too-even though I can tell she is tired.

We just moved her to a twin bed, which she can get out of and that of course is making it worse-for naps and bedtime.

I set the PNP up in her room. I tell her if she gets out of bed she will have to go in the PNP. It works really well since we made such a big deal out of the big girl bed the PNP is like a punishment to her.

She hasn't given us any trouble with bedtime in a week (though the first two nights I made the mistake of sitting with her and then she didn't want me to leave-so if I were you I would probably back off of that).

At daycare, she stays on the mat, but she won't always sleep.

Nap time over the weekend was tough and we did put her in the PNP when she got out of bed twice. She cried, she read her books and then we got her out after 90 minutes.


We basically had to do CIO again when we made the transition.

I know Miki has been out of the crib for a while, but maybe a little CIO is needed to get her to stay in her bed? I hate it, I know it's hard but it might be helpful (i.e. painful to go through but worth it on the other end?)

Good luck whatever you decide-I do believe it is just a stage though and that it WILL get better

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

It really sounds like she's adjusting to a new baby and also growing up herself. Naps are probably one of the few things she realizes she has control over so she's trying her hardest to do so. We've had some of the same issues with Benjamin with his naps but they worked themselves out. She's testing her sitter because she knows she's an important part of her routine and she wants to see how far she can get. I think it's okay for her to be more stern with her but obviously nothing you don't approve of. I wish I had some more advice for the naps. We had to end up doing CIO with Ben during naptime but eventually sleep won out and he got back into a routine. I hope the phase is over soon.

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

We went through the scared thing with DD when she was in full force potty training.

She has always been a very independent infant/toddler. She always played in the play room alone - at that time if I walked out of the room she would freak out crying not to leave her. Same with any room - she suddenly didn't want to be anywhere alone.

That of course went for bed time as well. We always had a gate at her door since our bedrooms are on the 2nd floor but she needed the door wide open and the hallway light on and a LOT of reassurance. She would scream and cry and I was at such a loss after a while that I would tell her to get in bed or I was turning off the lights and shutting the door. Sometimes she'd listen, other times not. I was so exhausted I would follow through and close her door and she would get HYSTERICAL and bang on the door. I would open it after a minute and threaten her again to get into bed. I felt terrible because she was obviously afraid but I didn't know what else to do.

The whole afraid to be alone thing lasted for almost 3 months!

Now she naps on the couch - is that an option...have her lay down where her sitter will be close by and she can see her for reassurance?

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

what i used to do at a school i worked out a few years ago was set a visual timer and tell the child they had to stay on their mat quietly until the time was up, then they could play a quiet game/book/etc. if they were still awake. do it for short amounts of time first (the child will most likely still be awake) and then increase the time until they fall asleep. you need to decrease the anxiety surrounding nap time so she doesn't get all worked up. sometimes setting the timer before nap (ie - you have 10 minutes left to play) works well and eases the transition too. also, make sure that both you and the sitter talk to dc before doing this so she knows what's expected and that you're both enforcing it.

it might take a while, but this really does work.

the timer i was talking about:

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)

Re: had the "talk" with my sitter this morning (behavioral issue)