High Maintenance Friendships

Does anyone have a friend, or friends who require constant attention?

I have a friend who is fairly older than I am. I have to say, we have VERY little in common, but developed a friendship because Rob and I used to live next door to them. If I do not call her for a few days, and then call her, she always says, "Where have you been, I havent heard from you", or she acts cold. One thing I loathe, is being on the phone with someone talking about nothing. For instance:

Me: Hi, how are you
Friend: Great, whats new
Me:Nothing much, work and stuff


And then I say to myself, WHY AM I ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW? We talk about BS, but I really have nothing NEW to report. She gets annoyed if I tell her about something we did over the weekend, and says, "Oh, you should have called, DH and I would have come". Umm, maybe I didnt want you to come, and wanted to be with MY DH ALONE?

On the flip side, I have friends that I talk to MAYBE twice a month, and we have alot to talk about, and when we get together, we have a great time, but we do not feel the need to talk EVERY DAY.

Anyone else have a friend like this?

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

Used to. She was the kind of person though that alienated all her friends sooner or later with her clingyness.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

oh yes yes yes.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

My oldest dearest friend was very high maintenence.when she was diagnosed with a rare heart virus most of her other friends bailed on her. Unfortunately she passed away almost 3 years ago..I'd do anything for that girl
no matter what

Message edited 10/24/2006 7:46:04 PM.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

Yes!!!! I love her to pieces but she's definitely high maintenance! she knows i'm married now (she caught the damn bo-k at my wedding for God's sake!) but still wants me to come out to the bars/clubs and thinks i can just come out without any notice and have dinner. I feel bad cause she calls me just about every other day and says "when are we hanging out?". Not that I cant/dont go out anymore now that i'm married, but i like being home with DH and making dinner for us.

Then i have another "friend" who needed to be the center of attention even during MY wedding planning! she was one of my BM's and she actually had the nerve to get pi$$ed at me that i chose the BM dresses without "consulting" her. Hello?!?!?!? This is my wedding, not yours!!! So i gave her the boot and haven't spoken to her since! That was 1 decision in my wedding planning that i dont second guess!!!!

Message edited 10/24/2006 7:43:09 PM.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

Used too and it was a real control thing- like my life should not exist outside of the group.

When I am close with someone, I do not need constant contact and reassurance of the closeness. When I start to feel like contact is required to avoid conflict, I truthfully get annoyed.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

i have a friend like this that I go through phases with. sometimes it gets too much and i take a break from her...like now. her drama and constant calling me was really starting to get to me, so I back off for a few months. What a relief !

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

I don't call that High Maintenance - that's just plain needy.

No, I don't have friends like that...I think anyone that is my friend learns early on that I have no patience neediness like that in a friendship.

The ones I consider "High Maintenance", are the ones that ALWAYS NEED something from you, and only call you IF they need something from you, and when you hang out with them, it's all about them and what they want to do.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

Yes! one of my oldest friends is just like this.
If I dont call her every day, she's like "WHERE have you been?"
(w/a major attitude!)

She's the type who likes to have an everlasting conversation about nothingness,and when i try to cut her off w/an excuse, she's like "ok-call me RIGHT back!!"
But WHY???!!


I wish I could be more like my DH, or any guy for that matter...guys friendships never have any of that high maintenence explaining&crap.
They just get together when they can-have some laughs,and then call when they get around to it-no expectations,just an understanding!!

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

Toxic friends -UGH!

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

I had a friend in HS who was so high
maintence! She'd call my house when I was out & then she'd call back as soon as I walked in the door, b/c I could even read the note from my dad saying she called.

Right now, I'm have a friendship that I'm starting to realize is more high maintainece than I thought.

Its tough though, b/c the friendship is wrapped up in a circle of friends, who don't realize or care that everything revolves around this one person.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

Remember the co-worker that missed me on my days off? Gone - we've dropped down to "Hi, how are you?" friends.

I don't have any friends like that. In fact, I flee at the sign of these people. My theory if someone has so much time on your hands to need to talk to me every day, they need a hobby or something else to focus on.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

i had that......she was also older than me.....and i couldnt take it anyomore so i just stopped dealing with her

and i felt soooooo much better! like a huge weight lifted off of me!

a few years later i got invited to her wedding....i went and we somewhat reconnected.

now she is in another state far away so our contact is limited. i know if i go there i will hang out with her, but we will never be as close as we once were

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

No, I use to but I just could not deal with that!

My best friend & I don't see each other or speak too often because our schedules are crazy, but when we do, WATCH out! We could sit there for hours on end & talk about everything. I love the comfortable feeling & knowing that I don't always need to be in contact for her to know I still care! It is an understanding for us!

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

Yup. Sad thing is I didn't find out until i got close to them and now there is just no getting rid of this person.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

One of my closest friends is someone that I talk to about twice a month. Their is never any drama between us and we are honest with each other without offending the other person. We just pick up were we left off.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

I have a friend whom I love, but when I talk to him on the phone it's torture!!! He also complains I never call him enough

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

No. I can't deal with someone like that. Especially since I had the baby.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

I've had them and I have "broken up" with them. I don't have time for that. Friendship is a 2 way street.

Re: High Maintenance Friendships

I don't have any high maintenance friends. All of my friends have their own lives, and we talk and get together when we can. It feels like we never missed a beat when we get together.

I can't deal with high maintenance friendships. I don't have the patience for them.