hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

My Dad's cousin's kid is getting married in a couple of months. We are not close at all. In fact, I can't remember the last time I saw him. He never comes to family functions. In fact, I've never met the bride at all.

They booked Brentwood CC for one of the all inclusive packages...from what my grandmother said, they have more allowed spots than guests, so they invited all the 3rd cousins.

I'm invited, with FH.

Problem: They are NOT going to be invited to my wedding. I was NOT expecting to be invited to this wedding at all!

If I invite my third cousins, I'll have to invite FH's, and that gives us an extra 50-65 guests. Not only can we not afford that, but added guests will put us over the room max.

I want to reply NO, and send a registry gift, but they're not registering anywhere! There is no shower. My parents and siblings are planning on attending. It'll probably look pretty weird if I'm the only one that doesn't go!

We have a wedding the weekend before - one of FH's first cousins, and 2 weddings within a month after that. An additional cash wedding gift is not really in our budget.



Please help - what would you do?

Message edited 5/15/2007 11:56:57 AM.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Can you just invite that couple? And not any of the other cousins? I know it sounds weird but...

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Posted by CaseyGirl

Can you just invite that couple? And not any of the other cousins? I know it sounds weird but...

Message edited 5/15/2007 11:52:37 AM.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

I wouldn't go, buy them a gift card or "traditional wedding gift" like a picture frame or piece of crystal from somewhere like BBB, and call it a day.

Tell your family if they have a prob with it that they can pay for the additional 50-60 guests at your wedding.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Go and just give however much $$ you would have spent on a shower gift if you care about not attending if your family is or just send the gift and don't go.

You obviously know you were not "A" list and they invited you to fill their tables ... I wouldn't worry about not inviting them to your wedding.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

So its not 100% wrong of me to go, but not invite them to mine?

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Stick to your original guest list. I invited cousins to my wedding who did not invite me to theirs and didn't invite some who did invite me to theirs. Everyone has different considerations when putting together the guest list and people need to understand that. You aren't that close to them anyway.

As for going, if you really can't afford the gift, then I would pass on going or send them their gift later.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

I'd reply no & send a gift certificate. (Pottery Barn, Williams Sonoma, BBB, Bloomingdales etc.)

Message edited 5/15/2007 11:58:36 AM.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

just b/c you are invited to their's under no obligation are you to invite them to yours. everyone's situation is different. You weren't planning on inviting them, so don't. And I wouldn't go to the wedding, but send them a gift later when you can afford it.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

You don't have to go...I do the same thing - think I am obligated to attend every thing I am invited to. But seriously - you don't have to go. You can get a nice gift at Fortunoff and ask for a gift receipt (if the do that ) or any other store.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

I would not go & frankly I don't think you need to explain yourself to anyone. I would send a gift or gift card & call it even.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Typically when DH and I can't make it to a wedding for whatever reason ( we have prior obligations or whatever) we RSVP "no" and give a $50 check.

And if I were in your situation I'd probably do just that. They don't know why you can't make it. And if anyone were to ask your family I'm sure they'd be polite and say "they had a prior obligation".

If you were part of the "B" list I doubt they would expect you to go anyway.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

I dont' think you are in the wrong at all. for all you know you are on the D list and they are desperate to fill seats.

send a gift for whatever amount you can afford and call it a day.

I doubt they will even ask about your wedding.

we had a similar proble at out wedding. mil wanted to invite everyone of her cousins. people i've never met. we said no and put our foot down. she was annoyed, but got over it.

Message edited 5/15/2007 12:16:20 PM.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Are your parents going? Call me cheap but maybe they can sign your and FHs name to the card?

If not, I would decline and send them a picture frame.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Don't feel bad about declining. You hardly know these people. You can always send a small gift. And I wouldn't feel obligated to invite them to yours. Some people have big weddings and some people have small weddings. There is no reason to change your plans to accomodate them when it sounds like they are just trying to fill chairs.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

I wouldn't go because I would feel strange not inviting them to mine.

I would RSVP as soon as possible with a "no" & send a gift along the lines of a crystal frame since they can vary vastly in price.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

I would send a small monetary gift or get them a gift card to BB&B. OOOOOR, to get away with spending even less money but looking like you spent a whole chock-full... there is this woman in East Islip, she will frame the wedding invitation in a beautiful frame and add wild flowers from her amazing garden to the frame... this is something we do allll the time. It's about $70, frame and all. If you want her contact info, FM me.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Do you want to go? If not, then don't go and send a gift... Stick to your original guest list, you can only do what you can do. If someone complains when your invites go out, then just explain the situation to them. They are only inviting you to fill seats.. you can do the same thing if you wind up under your minimum.

Re: hmm, little predicament - family wedding related.

Here's why I think it's perfectly fine for you to not go and to not invite them - they weren't planning on inviting you in the first place. They are trying to fill seats.

If anyone gives you a problem about it, then they can find a different room for you at your RH and they can pay for those 50 some odd guests.