How do you handle tantrums and throwing food in an 18mo old... (long)

She sat there and tossed her dinner again and again. Hubby said the stern no's etc.. she laughed at him at one point. He kept it up and she looked unsure as he got more and more frustrated. I kept out of it as I was busy cleaning something.

Then I stepped in. Me, the big mean mom. *sigh* Got to eye level with her and made sure my face was fully in her vision when I sternly said no and kept my seriously nono face on. She pouted and gosh did it feel like she was gonna cry. She looked to daddy and he just raised eyebrows shakes head as if "I told you so" She didnt cry, she didnt toss the food until i looked away for a quick sec to grab something and Jim tried again to tell her no. She only behaves when Im staring her down. *sigh*

He lets her down from the highchair as she's obviously not eating. I'm still picking up stuff but she's in her room playing when I go in to see what I can pick up in there. I was talking to Jim when she drops her toys runs over and hugs my knees. OMG I felt like such an Arse for yelling at her before. She gives me that searching look into my eyes - where does she learn this crap from? I tell her I love her and hold her and after a while if trying she finally smiles.

*sigh*

Give it a 20mins and she's screaming on the living room floor. Temper tantrum. I refuse to give her a bottle and she wants one. Tough cookies in my book. Jim's got the upset what do we do look and you can tell he would do anything (give her the world or at least the bottle) to make her stop crying. I think he's more mad at me for not giving in or at himself for wanting to give in (not suer). I turned my back on her and let her lay on the floor screaming. She stopped suddenly and of course mommy kicked in and turned around to see if she's ok. She looks at my concerned face and starts screaming again... little stinker. So i turn around again.

Finally after a good 5mins of screaming and crying her face is red and she's a wreck... I give her some teething tablets which she loves. She is teething. Feel like this canine tooth will never come in. She LOVES those tablets. I just hold them out and she stops crying gets up off the floor comes over and SMILES and LAUGHS as well as babbles and makes her cute head tilt move while she grabs her prize.

Am I a sucker or what?

Even reaches out for daddy to hold her ... something she screamed at just moments earlier.



So.. I'm open to alternatives. I am not looking for a ridicule of my stern eye level no. I do believe at this age she gets it and no I dont believe that getting a baby's attention with a firm not yelling but loud simple one word "NO" is harmful. I'm not doing it while coming at her which I think is scary. I'm not pointing a finger. Just in her face. Same tactic my dad used on us and I know if he gets that deep firm louder than normal voice thing going it STILL stops me in my tracks at 34!

but if you know of any better or alternative ways.... how are YOU handling it?

Message edited 3/31/2010 11:08:17 PM.

Re: How do you handle tantrums and throwing food in an 18mo old... (long)

You handled it just fine I think. When my DD threw food, the meal was officially over. When she tantrums, I walk away because what fun is it without an audience? If I do address her during a yelling fit it's in a low, even, and quiet voice.

At that age I saved the loud NOs and other negative reinforcers for dangerous situations only. Redirection and ignoring poor behavior while modeling preferred behavior is my line of thinking. But thats my own philosophy and it works for me.

Re: How do you handle tantrums and throwing food in an 18mo old... (long)

Thanks..

I have to say.. at first I wondered why she was looking at me so intently then i realized she wasnt sure if I was still upset at her I felt bad but I know I have to be the adult. Ugh!

Re: How do you handle tantrums and throwing food in an 18mo old... (long)

I remeber 18 months being a rough age.DH and I both say every few months with DD brings new surprises.
She flipped about the food, then it was bedtime. I gave her a "big girl pillow" and blanket, every few months we have to keep changing things.
I think you did a great job!!! Stay strong and its definitly not one solution for each child. if you did the ignore, try time outs when she does it, she will cry but you have to mean it that the behavior is not tolerated.
When DD was in the food fit, same as yours, we took her out of the high chair and gave her a "big girl" booster seat, maybe that will help? just a suggestion and enjoy this fun yet difficult age

Re: How do you handle tantrums and throwing food in an 18mo old... (long)

Well my DD is 18 months too and still loves to throw her food on the floor. (Thank god for the dog.....my human vacuum) I found saying "no" means nothing to a kid this age, in fact the whole stern voice and "look" doesn't work with my DD...........she just laughs hysterically like it's the funniest thing ever. She thinks we're playing a game with her. It sounds sorta basic but when she throws her food the first time we say, "We don't throw food". If she does it again (which she almost always does) we take her plate away. Now that really pi$$ses her off so in a minute or two when we give it back (while saying again, "we don't throw food") she *usually* won't throw it again. Same thing with her sippy cup, she throws it more than once and she loses it. For us it's the only way to get her to stop.

As for the tantrums, luckily my DD doesn't have real full blown hissy fits but she does have her moments here and there when she doesn't get her way and pitches a toddler size fit. The best thing for us seems to be to completely ignore her. We just walk away without really saying anything and within no more than a minute she realizes nobody is paying any attention to her and she stops and moves on to playing or doing something else. At that point we'll go and play with her again and have fun as if nothing even happened. She seems to move past her little fits quickly thank goodness.

Just as an FYI - (and this is in NO way of criticism of you.......just a suggestion) I've read in a few books to save using the word "no" for when you see them doing something dangerous where they can get hurt. For example, they are about to touch the stove, you scream no!!! to basically scare the cr@p out of them and stop them in their tracks before they get hurt. I've read to use the word "no" when a toddler is doing something wrong ends up not working in the long term. They learn to tune out the word "no" and if you say it a lot (which I am sure with a toddler and all their mischief will be a lot) it doesn't really have any impact because they hear it constantly. Redirecting them and explaining the correct behavior is more useful so that's what we've been trying to do with our DD.

That being said though, everyone's kids are different and different techniques will work and not work for certain kids. I guess you will have to just try out a few things to see what really works best for you and for her. Good luck!!!

Re: How do you handle tantrums and throwing food in an 18mo old... (long)

Both of my sons have started to have tantrums at 16 months. Mostly over food(saying no to snacks etc.) or when they are tired. I ignore them once I make sure they are safe. Throwing food I realized they do when they are full-so assuming their tray is mostly empty that meal is over. I have two dogs who "clean up" so that doesn't bother me too much. As far as saying no-it is REALLY HARD for me to avoid saying it since it is the first word to come to mind. I read somehwre you can also use a different word for dangerous situations like STOP, DANGER or HOT....so I've been doing that instead of trying to retrain myself out of saying no.