Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

1. Cleaning people -- once a week. He is making $$, put it to good use - for YOU!

2. Have the mother's helper come at least twice a week - mine comes twice for 3 hours each time. This breaks it up for you.

3. Join classes -- Gymboree, Music Together, Safe-T-Swim, Yoga...ANYTHING. The days we don't have anything going on I get stir crazy - which is when I toss DD and the dog into the car and we head for the park.
Also -- after class the mommies and babies tend to go somewhere together for lunch or coffee or something - keeps everyone busy.

4. Call DH while he is on his way home, tell him you put in an order at (insert your favorite take-out place here), and can he please pick it up on his way.

5. Consolidate errands. There is a Target at the mall where we take Gymboree class. Guess where all my shopping gets done nowadays? Yup, Target on Wednesdays!

And like DOnna said, on Saturday morning, go through what you would like him to do for you as if it were your typical day!

Message edited 9/26/2007 11:38:27 PM.

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

Your post is exactly why I could not be a SAHM, I am a better Mom being a "working Mom". Hang in there, once your daughter gets a little bit older, you'll feel like you have a "little buddy" to hang out with.

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

I kind of take issue with DHs who say DC is your 'job'. Yeah I get it- you go work and I take care of the baby... but his job is not 24 hours a day... AND he gets downtime that doesn't have to be filled with folding laundry/dishes/throwing out grbage/making dinner/cleaning up dinner/entertaining a baby/holding a baby/listening to baby scream... you get the idea. It is stressful to work and provide for your family, I get that, but beign a mother is the most stressful thign I have ever done. There is no real downtime.

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

we have been arguing about same things as you, so it looks like it is pretty common... my dh tells me he is tired after work, well I tell him at least he gets to leave his work while I am working 24/7... sometimes I just feel like he doesnt appreciate what I do... for example last night, ds woke up at 3:30am, didnt falls asleep till 4:30am, I pumped my milk at 4:45am and went to bed at 5:00am... well, ds woke up at 5:30am... oh and btw I went to bed at midnight... so needless to say I am exhausted but yeah I am at home all day

just sending you some hugs, hopefully it will get better

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

I agree with the others who said to put his good paycheck to use. It is clear he doesn't want to help, which is fine because he can afford to pay for someone else to help you. Is this mother's helper someone you can leave alone at the house or someone you have to be home with?

You need to get out of the house by yourself at least twice a week for three hours. If that means a more expensive babysitter, than that is what it means. Go to a movie, sit in starbucks and read a book, get a manicure -- don't run errands unless you find them relaxing during that time.

If you don't already have a cleaning service coming to the house, hire one.

You can work this out!

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

It sounds like you are just overwhelmed right now , with being a new mom and your lifestyle changing.... I'm like you I can't stay in my house , I go stir crazy...... If I was you I would maybe try and find things to full up your day outside of this house, especially now when the weather is still nice... ie; walks in a local park around the mall , etc.... Good Luck!!

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

I can relate as well. DH leaves the house at 6:15am and doesn't get home until 7:45pm. Now he is talking about going back to public accounting and having to work busy season hours. I am beside myself. I have to say that when DH is home he does help a lot. Partially, I think because I kinda of forced it in the beginning now he enjoys it. Now, he does Alex's bedtime routine, brushes his teeth and reads him stories. It is great for both of them. This only started when Alex was about 1 year old. Give it sometime, right now she is really young and he might feel it is hard to interact with her. Try starting small with little things, maybe her baths on Saturday nights and let that grow into something more. That is how I started with DH. Now he hates to miss anytime with him.

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

DH is really a great help so I can't complain.

BUT....this is what I did when DS was just 2.5 weeks old.

For 4 weekends in a row, DH helped me. I asked him to hold DS... for HOURS. That's when he was fussy from 9am to 9pm. He had to be held or he would cry constantly. DH was so exhausted helping me. He told me he would not trade places with me. Oh.. and I did not go to another room when DS is feeding. I still don't. While I don't ask him to give him a bottle. I stay in bed and BF with DS in bed. DH wakes up. So what!!! I don't do it to despise him. I am just not going to run and hide with DS to keep quiet.

He fixes my lunch everyday. Otherwise, I probably would not eat. We take take-out. He picks it up on the way home. We order enough so I have another meal/lunch.

If money is not an issue
- get a mommy helper
- get a cleaning lady
- get meals at Super Supper type.
- Diana mentioned those groceries delivery services.

Re: How do you SAHM's with DH's that work a lot do it?

it's really hard at times, no doubt I've been dealing with this for 3 yrs now and it's even harder now that I have a little baby again at home, so now I'm even more swamped!

DH is in sales and is usually gone 14 hrs a day, gets home around 9 pm most nights and travels often, so I HEAR ya! It's really hard to manage a household AND a baby AND take time for yourself too.

We have hired help which does help me around the house a lot. Ideally I'd still prefer my DH home more just to be part of the family, but it's just not happening, at least for now anyway.

The above ideas are great - bi-weekly cleaning service, supermarkets that deliver at home and getting out of the house are key. Once I joined a local mother's center that helped my sanity a lot too. Staying home all day will drive you BATTY. So just make it a priority to get out at least once a day. Even if you just walk around the mall for a bit. It really does lighten your spirit a bit.