How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

I am currently 13w4d pregnant. I have had 4 early m/cs in the past 2.5 years, all at 6 weeks or earlier. I conceived this child through IVF. I am a nervous wreck! I was discharged from my RE at 11 weeks after weekly sonos that looked great. I had my NT scan a week ago, and that looked great too (although I haven't gotten official results). In reality, I know I have nothing to worry about, but I keep finding myself expecting the worst. Last week, we told everyone who didn't already know about my pregnancy, and I thought that would make it feel more "real", but all it did was increase my anxiety...now, if something goes wrong, we'll have to let so many people know. It also didn't help that Michelle Duggar's loss was announced on the day I was telling people. I was calm for a few days before then.

I love looking at baby stuff, and try to keep myself busy reading Baby Bargains and looking at products online, daydreaming about decorating the nursery, etc. I just wish I could feel more confident that everything is going to be okay. I don't know how I'm going to survive the next three weeks until my 16 week appointment with my OB!

I asked my OB about getting a doppler for at home, and she said not to do it b/c it will make me nuts if I can't find the heartbeat. I know she's right, but it would make me feel so much better to have one...if I could actually hear it!

Meanwhile, I feel ridiculous, b/c I am a psychologist, and know everything that I should do to relax, but it's a lot easier to treat other people than help yourself!

So, how do you keep calm and positive between appointments?

Message edited 12/12/2011 11:11:46 AM.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)

i did have a doppler. i used it once a day. i never didn't find the heartbeat. it worked for me.

i hated the amount of time between appointments after being released from Dr. B. but at no point did i feel i had a real reason to be concerned (no bleeding, cramping, etc). you just sort of get through it and believe that everything is fine, because there is no reason it shouldn't be fine. that's how i dealt with it. also remember that in about 7w or so you wont have to worry as much because you will feel kicks. once you can feel the baby move it makes it MUCH MUCH easier to not worry and to realize that its real!! honestly it was around my 20w scan that i actually started to realize i was having a baby and get excited and less nervous. infertility and mc change you, but they dont have to take the excitement away completely!!

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

I can only tell you that nosy yet what you do you wil worry. I think you will get to a point where you won't worry as much but at 35 weeks I still worry.

Don't get a Doppler. It will drive you nuts and make it worse.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

For me the doppler has been very helpful and I have been able to find the HB w/out an issue (got it at 14 weeks). It's not easy not to worry even if you do hear the HB every day! hang in there and give yourself a break if you do worry, its normal and we all do it!

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

My panic sets in right before the appointment. I am so antsy because I have my 12 week tomorrow (it was cancelled for today) and it's literally all I can think about.

I don't have any symptoms, I feel fine. I am freaking out that god forbid we don't see anything (last sono was 3 weeks ago)

I am trying to stay positive but it's the hardest thing ever.

I am hoping that after this appointment I will be able to breathe a bit.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

I havent experiend what you did in the past. But I totally understand why you would be nervous. You are in your second trimester now. You have to think positive and mentally focus on all the wonderful things this baby is going to bring to you and your dh and your whole families lives. Please think positive no matter how hard it is. You have come so far.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

I hear you! I bought a doppler and it has helped a lot. Sometimes it takes awhile, but I find the heartbeat. Soon you will start feeling him/her and you will feel more calm! I bought the sonoline b for like $50.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

It took me awhile to get pregnant with DS and I had a lot of spotting so I was a wreck in between appointments.

I don't have any advice but, I wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is normal.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

I'll be 38 weeks tomorrow and I still get nervous before appointments. Don't buy a doppler it will only make you more nervous.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

i have a doppler. when anxiety was high, i listened to hb. also, i requested to have sonos more often than usual. that made a huge difference. you will be fine but i have to tell you that worries will never stop, even after the baby is here

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

I had a MC and then dealt with IF and I have yet to calm down between appointments
I try everything I can but I did NOT buy a doppler. When I asked my OB he said that it just causes people to worry if they can't find it, the heartrate etc. He said if I am worried on a specific day to just come in. I chose to do that instead and I have gone in twice when I was worried. Maybe you can talk to your OB and ask if you can come in more often since you are so worried. I totally understand Jackie, It does get easier but at 35 weeks I am still so worried

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

I also had a doppler that I used all the time. Once I started feeling her move was much more at easy. But I know its hard.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

I didn't experience what you have, but I was always very nervous with DS. It wasn't until I could consistently feel him moving around that I was able to calm down. Then I delivered 8+ weeks early and it was really sudden, emergency situation, makes me nervous now, but in the end both he and I were fine.

This time, I wasn't nervous until I had a little scare at an appointment and now I can't help but worry that I will get some horrible news at my next appointment (have one tonight). But I focus on thinking positive because baby feels what I feel and I think positive vibes are better than negative. Studies have shown the power of positive thinking, so I try to remember that as much as I can.

Also, I think about how worrying won't change anything. If something bad is going to happen, God forbid!!!!, well worrying beforehand won't make a difference. So in essence I just try to think about it when I have these worries and I choose to think positive despite my fears. Don't get me wrong, I've had some bad days and some tears, but overall I think about the positive and plan for when baby is here. I hope and I pray that he/she is healthy and that's all I can do.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

I completely understand what you mean about not being able to treat yourself. I studied psych as well and can give perfect advice to others but my life... That's another story! Lol

What you're feeling is natural and just a phase that I think all of us go through. And it will pass with time. I do have a Doppler that I use prob about once a week and that is what has helped me. Yes it was frustrating in the beginning to give up finding a hb but I just chalked it up to it being too soon. By 14 weeks, I could def find the hb and its such an amazing thing to hear with just your partner. And it put my mind at ease. So I don't believe it does more harm than good. You just have to be patient working with it. If you think it would make you feel better, then trust your gut and get one

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

That was the worst. Up until my very last apt i was nervous I went to two doctors (gyno and a high risk) and had sonos every other week pretty much my entire pregnancy.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

same here, I find myself more anxious with this pregnancy since my last one ended in a M/C at 8 1/2 wks.

I find the only thing that calms me is that as long as I still feel DD moving around puts me at ease.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

My dr said not to get the Doppler too, but I'm glad I did. The first time I didn't find it right away but then I knew where to hold it and I use it every now and then between appointments.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

crashing...sorry girls

i just wanted to say i think about this all the time..and i am not even pregnant..but after almost 2 years and multiple losses it comes with the territory..

my sisters and my dh always say..ok when it happens we r gonna put u in a bubble...my sister wants me on bed rest right away ..

and i told them...will i be nervous..of course..i will prob be terrified..but i am also going to be ecstatic and enjoy every second of it..the good the bad the painful..

it might not ever happen again for me again so i want to take it all in..

what u feel is normal..you have been through so much..you have every right to feel it..

i let IF take so much from me..my happiness..my skin color ah: ..my money..my faith..my spirit and most of my blood


If i ever get that bfp that sticks..I refuse to let IF take the pure joy i will feel away from me

best of luck to you! you are going to be a amazing mother!

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

Message edited 12/12/2011 11:41:08 PM.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

Posted by FlowerWife

i did have a doppler. i used it once a day. i never didn't find the heartbeat. it worked for me.

i hated the amount of time between appointments after being released from Dr. B. but at no point did i feel i had a real reason to be concerned (no bleeding, cramping, etc). you just sort of get through it and believe that everything is fine, because there is no reason it shouldn't be fine. that's how i dealt with it. also remember that in about 7w or so you wont have to worry as much because you will feel kicks. once you can feel the baby move it makes it MUCH MUCH easier to not worry and to realize that its real!! honestly it was around my 20w scan that i actually started to realize i was having a baby and get excited and less nervous. infertility and mc change you, but they dont have to take the excitement away completely!!

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

It was horrible.

I remember thinking there would be something horrible at every appointment. In my head, I could imagine "no heartbeat."

What was even worse was having an abnormal screen.

I didn't get a doppler. I'm VERY familiar with them & know how to use them... I just would be focusing on that all the time.

I didn't feel any kicking until after 22 weeks & THAT was inconsistent.

Distraction is your best friend. Pick small goals & accomplish them. Holiday season is a GREAT time for this. Get your head out of the pregnancy mentality. Oh... and don't visit baby stores until much later.

Re: How do you stay calm between appointments (especially if you've dealt with m/c and/or IF)?

I know how you feel Jackie. It is so hard and I felt the same way you feel when I transferred over to my OBGYN. I do have a doppler and we have used it maybe 5 times in the last 33 weeks. I think you just have to try stay positive, and really believe that everything is going to be ok.
We had a rough start when at 12 weeks my blood work came back off and then again at 16 weeks and then we had the amnio it has been something every time I go see the doctor. I realized we have no control over this and to just let whatever will be will be.
Read pregnancy books, look online at baby things, think of names and just imagine that baby in your arms and try to enjoy every minute because it does go by fast.