how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

my in-laws a notorious for just popping by unexpected and at the worst times i turn into such a ****** and its written all over my face when they do this then ofcourse i feel terrible because they want to see ds but stopping over at 7:45 on a week night when we both work and are right at the home stretch of getting him down to bed!most of the time dh is working so its me just me in my messy house and not in the mood to entertain esp when they come over when ds is napping!i dont know what to do in this situation! sorry to vent!!

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

That's tough and they shouldn't just drop in. In the nicest way you need to say something about calling first or making a date to come over so you're ready. It's really not fair to you. What does DH say?

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

This same exact thing happened to me when DD was born and I personally hated it. I know some people have an open door policy and welcome that but that's just not me. It would make me crazy. They wouldn't even knock or ring the bell before coming in and one time SIL came in and I was pumping and flipped that she saw me like that to DH, I was in tears. To boot both sets of parents had keys and would use them! I would flip. After the pumping incident I said I want to be made aware of when people are coming over, sometimes it happened sometimes it didn't. Well we since moved and no one has a set of keys and I keep the door locked!

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

we put a stop to that mess a long time ago.

I mean, my first DD was just a few months old and they had to stop by one day for the wet/dry vac. A day they knew we were having company. DH yelled at them and told them never to do it again.

Was it the best way to handle it? No, but it worked.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

I have an open door to everyone except my in laws

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

I agree they shouldnt be doing that. Can DH say something to them? I know it puts everyone in an uncomfy situation. we had to deal with this for at least a month after DS was born

Im having a similar problem because I am Home DH is working and te weekends is when he as time to spend with us but our parents (both sides) want to see DS Im tired f spending my weekends visiting his and mine

Message edited 10/18/2010 11:51:27 AM.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

you tell them to cut it out immediately and if they don't listen, don't answer the door

it's so selfish of them to do, IMO

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

My Gigi had a cousin Rosie. Rosie and her family would drive from Hempstead to Brooklyn every Sunday and pop in On my Gigi and family. My Gigi was super anal about her home and hated being caught off guard. So after a few pop In visits my Gigi packed up my grandmother and her husband and made him drive all the way to Hempstead to pay her back. They showed up at 6 am Sunday morning Italian pastries and coffee. Rosie almost died. She never again popped over.

Just sayin.....

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

In the day and age of cell phones IMO there is no excuse for not making a phone call to see if it's OK to stop by someone's house. Anything less than a phone call is rude.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

I hate drop ins...
It just makes my skin crawl.

Home time is private time. its laying on the living room floor in my jammies and tshirt with no bra while AJ and I play under sheets we'd pulled from the bedroom. Its chasing her around in her bare bottom or 'flying' around in a towel. Door bell rings and that world is shattered. I HATE unexpected guests regardles of bloodline.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

Posted by EricaAlt



That's tough and they shouldn't just drop in. In the nicest way you need to say something about calling first or making a date to come over so you're ready. It's really not fair to you. What does DH say?

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

Posted by katiebug

I have an open door to everyone except my in laws

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

HATE THEM!

My MIL did that a few times when DS was first born. Not anymore.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

Posted by limommer

Posted by EricaAlt



That's tough and they shouldn't just drop in. In the nicest way you need to say something about calling first or making a date to come over so you're ready. It's really not fair to you. What does DH say?

He totally understands and agrees with me and he has said something in the past but that did not change one thing! last week i was in the middle of giving zach a bath and i hear banging on the door i was just finishing up and it was FIL and dh aunt they were "just in the neighborhood" but they dont mean to invade <-is that a joke auntie needed to use the bathroom (ofcourse) it was a mess curtain open toys still in the tub towel strewn on the floor its not right AT ALL

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

Not a fan of it either especially since dh works weekends..I was home for 3.5 months when dd was born and that happened for a good 2 months.....dh finally did make a nice comment and it doesn't happen but I also feel like I want to be dressed, what if dd is napping it is just very rude....I never pop over anyones house!!

Message edited 10/18/2010 12:25:58 PM.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

I can't stand that either. I had DH talk to his family about this exact topic. They kept doing it after DS was born. Now they always call or text to ask if they can stop by to make sure it is a good time. It makes things so much easier!

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

Absolutely not. My ILs live in the same town. They did it before, but I gave DH hell and he told them never again to do that. With that said, both parents have a set of keys for emergency purposes...like when we are away from the house for a long vacation, or things of that nature. They both know better than to do that. I am very good at giving cold shoulder if they overstep their boundaries-both parents that is. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Good Luck!

ETA: I know that once DC#2 is born in Feb, I will have to reiterate to my husband to remind his parents of the "no open door policy".

Message edited 10/18/2010 1:47:54 PM.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

my in laws do it sometimes. it's always midday and they never stay for long. i really dont mind. i think it bothers DH more than me. my family always calls first. i guess i am in minority.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

Pop-ins are not allowed at my house! It happened 2 or 3 times in the first few months but it was quickly stopped. MIL is the only one! She must call ahead of time if she wants to come over. And that doesn't mean to call from the car in front of the house!!! (yes she did this and she actually said "but I called first.."!!!!)
I never asked her to leave! I was always polite. But I couldn't handle the added stress. DH told her she has to call ( from home!)before she wants to visit.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

It doesn't happen. They've been instructed to call first. I LOATHE unannounced visitors.

What I cannot STAND is when you get lip from people who dont respect a child's schedule and think that just because they "are around" on a particular day, that I will change my kids' nap schedule for their convenience which in turn makes my night a living hell. If you wanna see my kid that bad, ask ME when its good for us. Do NOT expect me to cater to YOU!

Message edited 10/18/2010 2:05:00 PM.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

Not a fan of drop-ins. But IMHO, I think when people call to say "I'm coming over in 20 minutes," that is almost just as bad. Yes, in those situations you can always say "now is not a good time" but sometimes you are caught off-guard, don't know what to say, they try to talk you into letting them come over anyway, etc. I like pre-planned visits with at least one day's notice (I would never dream of coming over someone's house with less than one day's notice and expect that people give us the same courtesy).

I am also not a fan of people who regularly invite themselves over, even with advance notice... but that is another story entirely.

Re: how does everyone feel about pop-ins esp when its your in-laws?

No issue with it at all. I grew up in a very tight family where aunts,uncles,cousins and friends were always in and out. If we were eating, my mother would just put another setting on the table. With a family as big as mine, you learn to not mind company. I will say that for the most part, my parents/inlaws do call before they stop over.