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nrthshgrl
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Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Posted by Diana1215
Even if my mom told my aunt - my aunt knows how my cousin is and would respect if I didn't want to tell her kids till 12 weeks. She def. wouldn't tell her either bc I'm sure she wouldn't want to have that conversation.
You should be clear with your aunt that you want to tell your cousin if she finds out. Her instinct is to protect her daughter & she may think she could lessen the blow. 
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Posted 10/21/08 10:10 AM  |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
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Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Diana,
I think it is wonderful of you to be so worried for your cousin and how she may handle the news if/when you are successful and become pg again.
As someone who has now had 3 pregnancies go past the first trimester and only my beautiful daughter to raise, I no longer believe in anything being a "safe" period. When you are ready to tell is up to you and your DH.
As far as breaking the news gently to her - it's going to hurt. No matter when she hears it - she will probably cry. It may help soften the blow if she knows you are TTC ahead of time. Does she discuss her IF treatments with you? Maybe the thought of TTC at the same time is something you can bond over and let her know you pray you can both get pg at the same time? Just a simple reminder that even though you are trying, you are still rooting and praying for her as well.
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| Posted 10/21/08 10:23 AM |
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ILJ619
LIF Adult
Member since 6/06 1985 total posts
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Irene
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
That is very honorable that you want to spare her feelings. I agree though that if you want to tell her personally make it clear to your aunt that YOU want to tell her. Her mother may jump the gun and spill and it may make it worse that she did not hear it from you. Almost like you pity her and that may be the last thing she needs to feel. Good luck!
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| Posted 10/21/08 10:25 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
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Diana
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by Diana1215
Even if my mom told my aunt - my aunt knows how my cousin is and would respect if I didn't want to tell her kids till 12 weeks. She def. wouldn't tell her either bc I'm sure she wouldn't want to have that conversation.
You should be clear with your aunt that you want to tell your cousin if she finds out. Her instinct is to protect her daughter & she may think she could lessen the blow.
We would def. tell my aunt not to say anything - and she wouldn't, being that she knows how secretive my cousin is - she would let me tell her. It would be harder to keep it from my aunt since I see her all the time - and with Jack people could tell I was pregnant at 8 weeks. I hardly see my cousins these days so that won't be a problem.
I actually just spoke to her sister about it - and she agrees that I should wait till the second trimester to tell them.
Message edited 10/21/2008 10:28:33 AM.
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| Posted 10/21/08 10:26 AM |
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KristinasMama
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Blessed Mama of Kristina Elena
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Posted by dooodles
Diana,
I think it is wonderful of you to be so worried for your cousin and how she may handle the news if/when you are successful and become pg again.
As someone who has now had 3 pregnancies go past the first trimester and only my beautiful daughter to raise, I no longer believe in anything being a "safe" period. When you are ready to tell is up to you and your DH.
As far as breaking the news gently to her - it's going to hurt. No matter when she hears it - she will probably cry. It may help soften the blow if she knows you are TTC ahead of time. Does she discuss her IF treatments with you? Maybe the thought of TTC at the same time is something you can bond over and let her know you pray you can both get pg at the same time? Just a simple reminder that even though you are trying, you are still rooting and praying for her as well.
I completely and totally agree with what you said - I bolded and italicized it.
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| Posted 10/21/08 10:42 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Posted by dooodles
Diana,
I think it is wonderful of you to be so worried for your cousin and how she may handle the news if/when you are successful and become pg again.
As someone who has now had 3 pregnancies go past the first trimester and only my beautiful daughter to raise, I no longer believe in anything being a "safe" period. When you are ready to tell is up to you and your DH.
As far as breaking the news gently to her - it's going to hurt. No matter when she hears it - she will probably cry. It may help soften the blow if she knows you are TTC ahead of time. Does she discuss her IF treatments with you? Maybe the thought of TTC at the same time is something you can bond over and let her know you pray you can both get pg at the same time? Just a simple reminder that even though you are trying, you are still rooting and praying for her as well.
Donna - I am the same as you - I've seen too many people lose babies - even as far along as 40 weeks - that I know we are never ever safe.
That's the thing - she does not discuss anything with us. Not me, her sister, her mother - no one. She is very very private. Really the only time she did was when she came here to see Jack and broke down about everything.
I believe she is taking a break now - but again, I'm not really sure.
I kind of feel like telling her that I'm TTC may come out of left-field - and I wouldn't want her to think I was throwing it in her face - but I do def. see what you guys are saying about telling her that now - to soften the blow if/when I become pregnant.
I have a very good friend who cannot get pregnant - it's not even an option - and she has a surrogate - we talk very openly about things - and I did tell her we are TTC....but she is the complete opposite of my cousin - she gives us updates all the time - and talking is what helps her through it.
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| Posted 10/21/08 10:46 AM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
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Properly perfect™
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
I waited 12 weeks to tell everyone. Wanted to be on the safe side....in any case I would tell everyone atthesame time. Trying to hide the news from some may backfire
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| Posted 10/21/08 10:50 AM |
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DmarieK
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Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
I told 1 friend when I found out and we told my mom and sisters and dannys family at 7 weeks. Everyone else was about 3 months if I remember correctly.
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| Posted 10/21/08 10:50 AM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
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Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Posted by Diana1215
That's the thing - she does not discuss anything with us. Not me, her sister, her mother - no one. She is very very private. Really the only time she did was when she came here to see Jack and broke down about everything.
I believe she is taking a break now - but again, I'm not really sure.
I kind of feel like telling her that I'm TTC may come out of left-field - and I wouldn't want her to think I was throwing it in her face - but I do def. see what you guys are saying about telling her that now - to soften the blow if/when I become pregnant.
I have a very good friend who cannot get pregnant - it's not even an option - and she has a surrogate - we talk very openly about things - and I did tell her we are TTC....but she is the complete opposite of my cousin - she gives us updates all the time - and talking is what helps her through it.
If telling her then that you are TTC would be coming out of left field, I would wait then until you are pg and then let her know just as you tell everyone else. As sad as it is and as hard as it is - the news will hurt her. Even if she is happy for you.
You seem to understand her feelings well as you have people close to you in life that struggle with IF ( ). If she chooses not to share with you then she is quite protective over her heart. It still may not be a bad idea one day "just to bring up" that you know she is struggling and that if she ever needs someone to vent to or just talk about her journey with, you are there for her. She may chose to not talk, but if she doesn - it just may open a whole new world of support for her, even if she is skittish to discuss with someone not dealing with IF issues at first. And then if you guys are actually blessed by getting pg at the same time - it will be that much sweeter
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| Posted 10/21/08 11:12 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
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Marisa
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
I don't think you can tell the whole family and NOT tell her .......your intentions are obviouisly good, but something like that may make her feel MORE isolated - It's one thing for HER to decide to keep something quiet and stay away for a little while until she thinks she's ready - and I'm sure she appreciates the fact that you understand, but for someone else to start making those decisions for her .......and deliberately leaving her out of things b/c THEY don't think she can handle them, that would personally make me feel worse - KWIM?
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| Posted 10/21/08 11:13 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
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Diana
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Donna - I have told her that numerous times - that I am always here for her if she needs to talk. She kind of says "thanks" and then drops it. So, I do believe she knows. I do think I will try and email her next week sometime and just tell her again!
Thanks again for all of your input!
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| Posted 10/21/08 11:14 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
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Diana
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Posted by MarisaK
I don't think you can tell the whole family and NOT tell her .......your intentions are obviouisly good, but something like that may make her feel MORE isolated - It's one thing for HER to decide to keep something quiet and stay away for a little while until she thinks she's ready - and I'm sure she appreciates the fact that you understand, but for someone else to start making those decisions for her .......and deliberately leaving her out of things b/c THEY don't think she can handle them, that would personally make me feel worse - KWIM?
The thing is - I would be telling my entire family -- not hers. It wouldn't get back to them. I would wait to tell her family at 12 weeks (unless my mom and I tell my aunt which we may have to do since I see her all the time - and my aunt would not tell her knowing how she is right now)
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| Posted 10/21/08 11:15 AM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
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*********
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Posted by KateDevine
Honestly, I'd tell everyone at the same time. Family gets touchy about that stuff and you don't want to worry that you've hurt her feelings by keeping her in the dark, KWIM? And it always comes out! I mean, someone will say "oh you just found out, we've known since xyz date".
I think you are very sweet for thinking about her
I agree - it's going to be hard for her to hear it no matter what the timing...Maybe tell her separately?
Anyway you would consider making her a Godmother?
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| Posted 10/21/08 11:31 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
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Diana
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Posted by Tine73
Posted by KateDevine
Honestly, I'd tell everyone at the same time. Family gets touchy about that stuff and you don't want to worry that you've hurt her feelings by keeping her in the dark, KWIM? And it always comes out! I mean, someone will say "oh you just found out, we've known since xyz date".
I think you are very sweet for thinking about her
I agree - it's going to be hard for her to hear it no matter what the timing...Maybe tell her separately?
Anyway you would consider making her a Godmother?
No - she wouldn't be this kids godmother.
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| Posted 10/21/08 11:38 AM |
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twiceasnice
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1126 total posts
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
I think you should do what you would do. If you talk about it at a BFP than do so. I think she will be understanding of your openess as you are understanding of her privateness. When she did not come around right away for Jack you understood. She should understand your need for support.
BTW - I am the same way as you. I can't be secretive. I had a few tragic losses and never expected the people around me with successful PG's to be secretive due to my feelings. I was happy that they did not have to go through what I went through.
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| Posted 10/21/08 11:49 AM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
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Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
As someone who is struggling with IF, I have learned that I have to accept other people's blessings and happiness as hard as it is for me to hear.
For example, recently I asked my mom if she wanted to go to a craft show with me on 10/25. She said she would have to see bc the next day she had to travel for a baby shower. I said Oh ok, who's shower? (Thinking maybe a co-worker etc). She hesitated and was like "umm...your cousin Megan". I was really aggravated. For Megan to be having her shower this month had to mean she is pretty far along right? She is like 7 months! My mom held off telling me to spare my feelings but it made me feel like a complete idiot. She went on to tell me that they wanted to invite me but my mom told them my situation and not to.
So bottom line is, I think it's better you are up front with her - if you think she can handle it. I mean, don't get me wrong it is REALLY hard for me to hear when others are expecting etc but I can't realistically avoid the whole world.
HTH
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| Posted 10/21/08 12:37 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
I would tell her in an E-mail that you are TTC so she can start to prepare herself for the eventual announcement.
You can say it casually... "Since we are trying for #2, we are looking at new cars" etc - something like that.
She'll have some time to prepare herself and when it's time to share the news, I would share with everyone, including her, in an E-mail.
There's only so much you can soften the blow.
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| Posted 10/21/08 1:18 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
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Diana
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Re: How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant - and this is VERY LONG - I apologize in advance
Posted by CaseyGirl
As someone who is struggling with IF, I have learned that I have to accept other people's blessings and happiness as hard as it is for me to hear.
For example, recently I asked my mom if she wanted to go to a craft show with me on 10/25. She said she would have to see bc the next day she had to travel for a baby shower. I said Oh ok, who's shower? (Thinking maybe a co-worker etc). She hesitated and was like "umm...your cousin Megan". I was really aggravated. For Megan to be having her shower this month had to mean she is pretty far along right? She is like 7 months! My mom held off telling me to spare my feelings but it made me feel like a complete idiot. She went on to tell me that they wanted to invite me but my mom told them my situation and not to.
So bottom line is, I think it's better you are up front with her - if you think she can handle it. I mean, don't get me wrong it is REALLY hard for me to hear when others are expecting etc but I can't realistically avoid the whole world.
HTH
Wow - 7 months --- that is a long time.
Thanks for sharing this!!
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| Posted 10/21/08 1:26 PM |
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