How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

So my sister had the first kids in the family... her dh took off 2 weeks. my mom decided to come over each day durring the day... finally one day BIL told my mom that they wanted to spend time as a family JUST the three of them.......... mom was sooo upset

this will be the first kid for me.. My dh plans on taking off the first 3 weeks with me.... now my MIL/FIL work f/t and will only come over when we say(and we all get along just fine) but my mom doesnt work, and dad is out of work now and my mom and dh clash on things(my mom cant sit still and will start trying to clean things, but sometimes it means us having to re-go over it)... dh is using his vacation time so i really only want it to be us 3 to bond since he's already jealous he then has to go back while i continue maternity leave 1 on 1 time...Do I alternate my family 1 night/ dhs family next night?i dont think i feel like entertaining 7 nights a week either..

1)Wondering what # days/times everyone else did- so i can gauge a standard..........??????

2)my sister has a 4 & 7 year old...when do I allow daycare children to visit my newborn without getting my baby sick?

3) what rules did you set up for people washing their hands before holding the baby??

Thanks!

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

Message edited 2/5/2009 7:49:22 PM.

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

DS took off for 11 days after i had DS. my family (and his) tried to only come over a few times a week, not every day. once DH went back to work, my mom came over during the day occasionally - but it was usually just me, which i preferred, since that way i could work on learning to BF and get used to being a mommy.


1)Wondering what # days/times everyone else did- so i can gauge a standard..........??????

- this is up to YOU. don't be afraid to set boundaries! you and your DH need time to bond with your baby, and your family and his should NOT pressure you to have them over! set a schedule if you want - but don't be afraid to tell them you can't always stick to it! babies are SO unpredictable. if your baby is finally napping after being up all night and you want to sleep, tell them so!

2)my sister has a 4 & 7 year old...when do I allow daycare children to visit my newborn without getting my baby sick?

- if it were me, i would wait until the baby was 8 weeks old AND had all their shots.

3) what rules did you set up for people washing their hands before holding the baby??

- i was not a real stickler about this, i didn't have to be - everyone was good about washing their hands if they wanted to hold the baby. but i made sure to have a huge bottle of purell by the front door for anyone who wanted to use it.

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

1)Wondering what # days/times everyone else did- so i can gauge a standard..........??????
**My parents came over at least once a day...they live about 2 seconds away so it was nothing out of the ordinary.

2)my sister has a 4 & 7 year old...when do I allow daycare children to visit my newborn without getting my baby sick?
** I didn't let other kids around DD for a while..I think until at least a month or so old...1st shots time I think.

3) what rules did you set up for people washing their hands before holding the baby??
** Everyone took it upon themselves to make sure they had clean hands before holding DD. I never really had to *tell* anyone.

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

I had people over everysingle day, to be honest with you it was way too much! my mom was such a great help I LOVED having her here. but my Inlaws were really wearing on my, they were here way too freaking much!!!

as for washing hands, I was pretty forceful on that issue. you'll see how many people will fight you on it, it's like for goodness sake it takes two seconds!!

I had little kids come visit after I told my family no kids, but I tried to keep them away and everything was ok. the hospital would only let siblings in which was great

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

DH took off the week DD was born and the week after we came home. The my mom came by every day aftwards. My dad came over too.
IL's live in Poland and didn't come until the christening when DD was 4 months old.

As far as what is normal, it's up to you. Are you close with your mom? You may be emotional and want her more than you think. You may also want to send DH out to do grocery shopping and want some company so maybe Mom should come over to stay with you. You and DH might need a nap and maybe Mom or Dad can give you that opportunity.

I started off thinking we wanted to bond just the three of us but DH was having a hard time with my baby blues and I really wished my mom had come over more that first week.

As far as kids, we kept DD away from other kids for about 6-8 weeks. Hand washing is superimportant and don't worry about them complaining. This is your baby's health. Just make sure you make EVERYONE do it and don't play favorites because that starts a war.

Don't make any decisions until you give birth. You may change you mind.

Good luck!

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

the waiting til the baby has its shots makes sense...

handwashing is just something we'll have to deal with.. unfortunately we have a friend who is bad with that and i dont want my baby getting sick.I'll blame it on my pediatrician

ironically the family issue isnt with my IL's... they are very mellow , non pushy... But my mom just cant sit still and my dh would be stressed..
my dh actually is the one that does the laundry/vacumming in the house already so taking on my cooking/dishwasher duties wont overwhelm him, plus my BIL's gf lives with us so she's already offered to watch the baby if i need a naps,

I guess I'll see how I feel after birth.. i just wanted to know what others did, so we're not completely unreasonable in whatever we decide..thanks!..

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

Nobody came over to visit when we got home. Not my mother, not his mother, nor any of our siblings. Everyone on both sides of the family got to see her at 3 weeks of age b/c it was Christmas Day.

I did not allow anyone to hold her on Christmas as per our peds instructions. I did not allow anyone to touch her on Christmas (and I was hovering to make sure). One of DH's cousins touched DD's hand and I flipped immediately and told DH we had to leave and we did.

Before DD got her shots people were not allowed to hold her without washing their hands or using hand sanitizer.

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

1)Wondering what # days/times everyone else did- so i can gauge a standard..........??????
I do not think there is a standard. I think it is a very personal decision. I know women who wanted their moms to sleep at their homes for the first 2 weeks and others who did not want anyone at all in their home for a month. For me, my parents and sister came by many hours after I first got home. My stepmother came over and did the laundry and my mom cleaned my bathrooms for me while I slept. My sister brought over dinner. The next few days my moms, best friend, sister, close friends would "stop in" for an hour or so here and there and help me. My mom changed the sheets for me one day. I had a c/s so I could not do a lot of that stuff. Some people just came for 20 minutes to see the baby and bring over a gift.
My husband was home for over a month so we did get a lot of time together.

2)my sister has a 4 & 7 year old...when do I allow daycare children to visit my newborn without getting my baby sick?
Daycare or not, there were no small children who came over for the first few weeks. It was winter so that also played a role in it. Honestly, I was more concerned with strangers in a store trying to touch the baby than my family/friends. I knew they would never bring a sick child to my home. The crazy people in the stores..who know what they had.
3) what rules did you set up for people washing their hands before holding the baby?? Everyone washed their hands before holding Molly for the first few weeks. I didn't have to set a rule..people just did it. Very few people actually want to get a newborn sick so most people (at least in my life) took precautions.

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

We live OOS so it is a little different for us. My MIL and my mom were at our house for the first 10 days, FIL for about 3 or 4 of those same days. I loved having my ILs around and my mom. They were helpful. I was exhausted and getting up in the middle of the nights, DH and I were even more tired. As a first time mom, it was great to have someone to a questions of.

Since it is the in laws and my mom I did not feel the need to entertain. I cooked some meals ahead of time and froze them, they fixed everything else themselves.

However, if you think you guys will want more time just for yourselves then you are entitled to that. I might wait until you are home from the hospital for a day or two to mention it, just because you never know if you will change you mind. But from there, just let her know you appreciate her help, enjoy her visits but want to give DH and DC the opportunity to bond while he is home, and she can visit more often when he goes back to work.

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

I answered your post above, but I wanted to add, I had a csection and did not need help from any family members. Dh was home with me for 3 weeks and I did just fine without taking any help from any family. So if you have to get a csection, you may feel just fine enough so don't start enlisting anyone for help when you may not need (or want) it when the time comes. Play it by ear re that so that people don't start assuming they are spending days with you.

Also...a story for you. The day I came home from the hospital, my parents were here b/c they were watching my dogs. Well they stayed all night, ordered food, etc, and I was so exhausted I just wanted to cry. I just wanted to lay down and sleep, but could not go up and down stairs frequently yet. So I had to lay down on the couch, my dad was there plopped down watching tv. I asked him to lower it, he kept making it louder, insisted on watching tv. So I never got to sleep. It's things like that that make having family over to "help" that often turn out to be more of an annoyance than a help. You know the "where is this? Where is that?" and you never wind up getting any rest. My family was only there one day with me and it was not really helpful to me in anyway at all. If anything, it stressed me out b/c I could not rest as I wanted to.

So even if your mom will get insulted, it's honestly just too bad. You need your rest and you and dh and baby come first.

Message edited 2/6/2009 9:09:04 AM.

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

1. I live 2.5 hours away from my parents. My parents came up for the delivery and stayed for a few days while I was in the hospital. Then, when DS was 1 week old, he had a bris and my parents stayed over the night before the bris. DS was born 2 weeks before Christmas. My parents stayed with us during the long Christmas weekend and New Years weekend. Since then, they have come up for the day every weekend or two.

2. I wouldn't have them visit if they're sick. You could have them wash their hands when they visit and if you're really concerned, just let them look at your baby from a distance.

3. Whenever someone visits us, I have them wash their hands before they hold DS.

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

I only had my mom (no other parents except my FIL who is disabled are alive), so she came & stayed with me for a few days after I came home from the hospital. I wished she could have stayed longer, but DH was home (recovering from hip replacement surgery), so he helped with the household stuff & with my step daughters while I cared for the baby.

I didn't have any restrictions about who was around the baby - my thoughts were that while in the hospital, they let anyone up to see her & me & as long as they weren't sick, they held the baby. Plus, I had 2 teens at home that would be around her so, I couldn't avoid outside exposure.

I even had her out at 10 days old to my sister's house for my BIL's 50th b-day party and other people held her, etc. She was fine!

I always mentioned about hand being clean to the younger ones & they always washed first.

BTW - DD is/was extremely healthy - never really had a cold except a few runny/stuffy noses when we had her in daycare.

Message edited 2/6/2009 11:22:24 AM.

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

1)Wondering what # days/times everyone else did- so i can gauge a standard..........??????

IL's were here everyday but to be honest, it was only because I had twins and one was home while the other was in the NICU for a week. DH only took two days off, as DD was in the NICU and had to leave on a business trip the next week, he postponed it as long as he could while I was pg. MIL stayed for four days while my DH was away. I know I wouldn't have needed that much help with a singleton, but that's just me.

2)when do I allow daycare children to visit my newborn without getting my baby sick?

My kids were a bit small and born at the end of March, still cold and flu season so only my IL's, my dad and brother saw them during the first two months. I know people feel differently about this subject but I know several mom's whose babies had to get a spinal tap after getting fevers before 12 weeks old. Especially in the winter, I'd take all precautions.
Other kids didn't see my babies until they were two months old and received their shots.

3) what rules did you set up for people washing their hands before holding the baby??

I was, and still am, a stickler for hand-washing. Our half bath is right before the den so that helped. For anyone who just rushed in, I pointed to the door and said, "Oh, you can wash your hands in there." I know... subtle

Do whatever you feel comfortable with
If anyone questions it, just say, "My pediatrician said..." over and over again.

Message edited 2/6/2009 11:30:34 AM.

Re: How often did parents visit in the first month baby was home from hospital?

1)My family came over 2 or 3 times the first week to see him.

2) I did allow my 6 school age cousins to see and hold the baby. No one was sick, and they all washed their hands.

3) Like a PP said "EVERYONE must wash their hands, even though many of them will tell you their hands are "clean". Expect some eye rolls, why it's such a hard concept I dont know but you have to do what is best for your baby."

We did get people saying that their hands were clean, and my response was "When you push a baby out your hoo ha, then you can decide not to wash your hands. If you want to hold this baby, you will wash your hands. My baby, my rules." After a few times, people got the message and washed their hands. After about 4 weeks, I no longer required people to be so diligent.