How old is too old??

In your opinion, how old is too old to get pregnant and have a baby?

DH and I always wanted 3 kids but due to IF issues it took us a lot longer to have our 2 children then expected. We're both 39 now and after DS was born last year we felt complete with our family and tossed around the idea of getting him snipped.

But I can't seem to pull the trigger.

Part of me (him too) still wants another but I'm just wondering if I'm too old. I'm worried about complications and any other issues. We have two healthy, happy kids.........should I press my luck? What if something goes wrong? What if the baby has issues? And then there is the surgery, I am honestly afraid to have a 3rd C-section. I had 2 bad experiences with them already.

But even with all of that I still feel like a 3rd baby would be awesome, it's what we always wanted anyway. I'm so torn.

Would you get pregnant at 39/40? If you have been pregnant around that age, was it a good experience? TIA!

Message edited 4/3/2014 10:53:21 AM.

Re: How old is too old??

I just had my first at 36.

I definitely plan to have more kids, I would definitely try at your age.

How old is too old??

Can't speak from personal experience, but I have several friends who have had very uneventful pregnancies in their 40s (from earlier 40s to late 40s). And the babies are happy and completely healthy.

One friend in particular has mentioned the upsides and down sides to having children when older - specifically, she has said that she thinks she is much more relaxed as a mom than she probably would have been if she was in her 20's -early 30's, but she probably also has a lot less energy than she did back then. But, she definitely has no regrets about having her son.

How old is too old??

Personally, no. Especially with two happy, healthy children. The risks of different issues are significantly higher at that age from a statistical perspective.

How old is too old??

My sister had her 1st at 40, and she had a relatively easy pregnancy. I say go for it. IMO, If you don't think you're done, then you're not.

Re: How old is too old??

I had my last at age 37, but I'd have no problem getting pregnant at 39 or 40 if that's what was important to me. My SIL had her 3rd at 40 with no issues, and I had a cousin who gave birth at 43 with no issues. I suppose depending on certain factors, I'd probably make 40/41 my cut-off for a 3rd kid, but if it were my first I'd probably cut it off around 43 give or take. It really is an individual, case by case thing, I think.

Good luck with your decision!

Message edited 4/3/2014 11:17:59 AM.

How old is too old??

My aunt had my cousin back in 1980 at age 40, so I don't think it is too old at all. I also have a good friend who had her 2nd at 40 and had no issues.

How old is too old??

I had my first at 38. Would have been 39 but he was born premature. We are now trying for #2 and I am going to be 42 this year. I would still like a 3rd. But we will see. I don't feel too old. In fact I feel more laid back about parenting than my younger counterparts.

Re: How old is too old??

I will be 40 this year and if I COULD get pregnant again, I would in a heartbeat..... My dr put me at high risk when I was pregnant with my son and I was 35!

How old is too old??

How was your most recent pregnancy? Was it smooth? If it was, your body isn't going to magically have issues just because you're 40 if it was ok at 38.

I definitely wouldn't let it stop me. I might try for a couple of years and if I get pregnant, great! If I don't then I might get DH snipped.

Re: How old is too old??

If you are still wavering, don't do any permanent birth control yet.

There are many who have babies in their 40's and it works out wonderfully.

I had mine at 35 and almost 38. I am 41 now. We are pretty sure we are done. Nothing permanent yet. However, my youngest is almost 4, and the more times passes, the more sure we are that 2 is the right number for us. Physically, emotionally, and financially. :)

Re: How old is too old??

I was 35 when I got pregnant with DS#1. Having him at 36 I was sure we were one and done.
We changed our minds and decided to go for number 2. I had DS#2 at 40.
I felt like it was a little older than maybe I'd like and one doctor kept referring to my "advanced maternal age" but the rest of the docs in the practice didn't really say much about it.
Both pregnancies were great and my boys are both (knock on wood) very healthy.
If you don't think you are done, I think you have time - though, of course, statistically risks do increase with age. But statistics are just statistics.

How old is too old??

My mom had my sister at 40. My sister is now 18. She was born with significant medical problems but that was not just due to my mom's age, but also her being diabetic.
I have never, ever noticed any issues with my mom being an "older" mom at all. In fact, I think it kept her young, because she can easily keep up with my 1 year old DS!

Re: How old is too old??

I had my first at 29 and just had my 2nd 2 weeks shy of 32. A girl and a boy, 2 c-sections, and like you...I feel like we are complete...but I would not make any permanent decisions. I had 2 great c-section experiences, but this time around I had a lot of nerves/anxiety about something going wrong after the surgery-like every twinge and recovery pain had me convinced something was wrong. The thought of a 3rd c-section is not even something I'd want to think about (but I'm only 4 weeks pp). I told DH that if we ever have a 3rd, I want to wait at least 5 years. So when I turn 37/38 if we want a 3rd, we 'll consider it. For me, delivering by 40 would be my cut off...I wouldn't want to be pregnant in my forties. And by then, I don't know if I'd want to start over with a newborn again.

My mom had her 3rd c-section at age 39 and had a great experience...and that was 20 years ago now. My mom was never the older mom with my sister, bc people are having kids later & later these days.

Message edited 4/3/2014 1:17:20 PM.

How old is too old??

I'm turning 39 and age doesn't seem to bother me at all if I wanted another. However my body would say no. I've met lots of women who had normal pregnancies in their 40s.

I think its easier to have more later in your 30s as long as you have others. One and done moms in late 30s and early 40s seem to have a different experience.

If you can and you want to, try for it. I'd be one of those obsessive people who would always wonder if I didn't at least try. Good luck with either decision :)

Re: How old is too old??

Thank you everyone for your responses.

We've decided, at least for right now, that any sort of permanent birth control is just off the table. I'm not 100% on the vasectomy and I feel if I'm not 100% I shouldn't do anything so permanent.

I always said my cut-off for babies was 40, so if I don't get pregnant within the next year or so (my bday is in March) I KNOW that will be it for me. That was just a personal decision I made a long time ago.

I feel like making the choice to have 2 was SO easy, there was NO question in my mind but now with 3 I feel like there is so much more to consider. I think one of the biggest thing for me is the C-sections. If I delivered vaginally I feel like I wouldn't be quite as much on the fence but between two bad experiences, my age, and having had GD twice I'm just hesitant.

DH and I have talked about it a lot and we kind of agreed we will just leave it on the table for this year, give it some more thought, and see what happens. I'm not 100% yet either way so I guess the best thing to do is just sit on the decision for a while.

Thank you again, it helps to here some other opinions.

Re: How old is too old??

My cousin just had her third at 41. My other cousin had first at 38 second at 40. DH cousin had her first at 41. And I know of two others who are both 40 who are both trying for their first. The only thing I guess that would scare me is if your body doesn't handle C-sections well. I would talk to the OB about your concerns.
If you guys want a third I see no reason not to go for it just because of age.

I'm 34 and having my third. Even though I'm younger I'm still worried about the baby being born healty and everything will be okay.

I know I always wanted three but now that I'm PG with my third I'm freaking out. Haha All I hear is how the third child put everyone over the edge. Well I'm 30 weeks so I will find out soon.

Re: How old is too old??

I honestly don't think age would stop me.
I had my first at 36 by choice. Didn't even start trying until almost 10 years of marriage and age 35.
If I wasn't one and done, I'd have wanted at LEAST a 3-4 year age gap and would have no problem waiting until now- when I am almost 40 to try again.
Age just never factored in for me, even though it probably should have.
I just know so many people who had babies in their 40s with no issues. (and vice versa, people who had babies in their 20s with tons of issues)

How old is too old??

Honestly age shouldn't matter and It wouldn't stop me. Things are much different these days than they used to be. I hear of so many people having children in their late 30's and well into their 40's with no problems. If you are in otherwise good health, I wouldn't let it stop me!

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Message edited 4/3/2014 2:35:42 PM.

How old is too old??

Its a personal choice. I had my first at 38 and I am not almost 41 and trying for #2 so for me its not too old for others it is.

Re: How old is too old??

Re: How old is too old??

Re: How old is too old??

Posted by melbalalala

Posted by MrsA1012

Personally, no. Especially with two happy, healthy children. The risks of different issues are significantly higher at that age from a statistical perspective.

Agree, I'm not a big risk taker so this isn't for me. I'm lucky that I have two wonderful, perfect kids, I'm not going to press my luck

Re: How old is too old??

I was 40 when our were born. This was not my plan by any means. It's hard to compare how that pregnancy was compared to my 4.5 years earlier, since it was twins. Thankfully I had an uneventful pregnancy and childbirth experience. I do think I would have more energy and not be quite so tired if I was younger. If we had a ton of money and we were younger, I might consider having 1 more. For me, personally, I don't think I would try to have a child after age 40. I also always wanted 3 kids, so I was very happy when we got 2 for 1 with the twins.

Re: How old is too old??

I turned 40 in Feb and am still trying for #2. My age doesn't scare me. We really want a sibling for DD and since we got a late start with her (was 37 when she was born) we will give it a few more months before we make a final decision of stopping. I am less thrilled with a bigger age gap than we had wanted than our ages. Oh and DH is quite a few years older than me.