how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

my grandfather died last night and my DD was lucky enough to have known her great grandfather and see him pretty often. How do I explain this to her???

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

So so sorry for your loss.

The best way I ever heard someone explain death to their child (who was 3 at the time) was to say that their body stopped working. This mom also explained about heaven (I don't know what your beliefs are in regards to that), saying that she was in a place where she was always happy and nothing ever hurt anymore. I think it's really important to be as honest as you can without scaring them. I would avoid talking about him being "sick" because that could cause her to worry every time she gets sick. I also would avoid saying he is "asleep" for the same reason.

HTH and again, so sorry for your loss!! Sending and to you and your family.

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

Posted by wingsofsong

So so sorry for your loss.

The best way I ever heard someone explain death to their child (who was 3 at the time) was to say that their body stopped working. This mom also explained about heaven (I don't know what your beliefs are in regards to that), saying that she was in a place where she was always happy and nothing ever hurt anymore. I think it's really important to be as honest as you can without scaring them. I would avoid talking about him being "sick" because that could cause her to worry every time she gets sick. I also would avoid saying he is "asleep" for the same reason.

HTH and again, so sorry for your loss!! Sending and to you and your family.

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

My DD just turned 4. In her short little life she lost two cousins, her grandma & her great grandma. I was told by the grief counselor to tell her the truth in simple basic terms. My SIL gave me a book entitled The Fall of Freddy the Leaf. It explains the cycle of life in a way children can understand. I have read it to my DD several times. At the end it does say sleep, so when I read it, I say died instead (as per counselor).

Message edited 2/28/2012 9:37:27 PM.

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

I am so sorry for your loss.

We have been up front with our 4 year old. We talk openly about heaven and we send balloons 'up to heaven' whenever he is feeling the need to 'talk' to that person. He believes that all our family and friends are holding them up in heaven for him. And this also helps when he accidentally lets go of a balloon. He thinks he will get them all back.

God Bless You!

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

My DS lost 2 dogs and a cat recently in a fire. I know its not the same but he handled it really well.

We explained to him that the animals died and are in heaven with G-d. He had an idea what death/dying was from his superheros. We explained to him that they are okay there - they are happy that we loved them and that they were happy because we knew that they loved us.

I got him some books - mostly related to animals. One book was from the '70s and I had to cut/paste some parts that didn't apply - I didn't want to scare him.

Just be honest and quick. Tell her its okay to be sad. And if she has any questions she can talk to you anytime.



You have to find the right balance between grandpa getting sick and dying and her having a cold and not dying. There are some really good books that talk on a kids level. I think that really helped.

I'm sorry to here about your grandpa.


ETA: We told DS that heaven is a town far far away that you can't even get to by airplane.

Message edited 2/28/2012 9:54:28 PM.

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

Posted by mamasita27

Posted by wingsofsong

So so sorry for your loss.

The best way I ever heard someone explain death to their child (who was 3 at the time) was to say that their body stopped working. This mom also explained about heaven (I don't know what your beliefs are in regards to that), saying that she was in a place where she was always happy and nothing ever hurt anymore. I think it's really important to be as honest as you can without scaring them. I would avoid talking about him being "sick" because that could cause her to worry every time she gets sick. I also would avoid saying he is "asleep" for the same reason.

HTH and again, so sorry for your loss!! Sending and to you and your family.

thank you very much....he was put into a nursing home only 2 weeks ago and when i took her to visit him, i explained that he was living in a new place now because he needed a lot of help to take care of himself. i'm thinking of saying something about god took him to heaven because he loved him so much and wanted to take extra special care of him ..thoughts??

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

Again, my story is about pets/toys but maybe you can take something from it:

DS's birthday was 2 days before the fire. He got a special toy that was at Daddy's house that he wanted to play with. I replaced it for them - didn't tell DS.

We told DS that the toy was saved - he took it upon him self to think G-d saved it. We told him G-d was the ultimate superhero.

DS was relieved to know G-d was taking care of his animals, he was a little confused why they needed to be taken care of if they were dead but we just moved on to a different topic.

I found getting a book before I really talked to DS helped b/c I went with what the book said. He believes more of what you tell him if its in a book - like it means more.

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

We told our DS that his great nonna went up to heavento be with god. He honestly didn't ask much more then that. the day of her unreal he fund a shiny rock outside and said that his great nonna left it fr him to find. It's been over a year since she passed and he will still Mae reference to her being up in heaven or being an angel. It wasnt an overly sad thing for him. I was actually surprised how well he took it in stride as just being something that happens in life.

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo: update...told DD

so i told dd tonight...i kept it simple...i basically said..."papa died so he is in heaven with god so we can't see him anymore but we have pictures of him and happy memories of him with us forever" she said "why did he die?" (in a sad little voice :( ) so i just said he was very very old and god needed to take care of him. i told her it was okay to be sad and that i was a little sad and then she said "i'm really sad" but when right back to playing 2 seconds later...lol! so, she doesn't really get it but i told her and we'll see how she handles it in the future ...thanks for all of your input folks

Message edited 2/29/2012 9:38:22 PM.

Re: how to explain death to an almost 4 yo