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pjt212301
LIF Adult
Member since 7/12 1214 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I am so sorry. There are no words - my heart is breaking for you and your family. Prayers to all of you 
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Posted 8/31/15 9:25 AM  |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
I'm so incredibly sorry. There are no words.
As someone who lost my mother to cancer I unfortunately can relate to this situation. I had just turned 27 and my mother just turned 58 when she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. At the time I wasn't in reality. Even in the end when she was under comfort care (similar to hospice). From the time she was diagnosed in October to her passing only 4 months later in February we did not talk of her dying. Deep down I'm sure my mother knew that was the end, but as for me and my father...we were fighting and didn't let our minds go there.
I never once had any conversations with my mother. I wish I did. I wish she wrote me letters to have in my life. A life had only just started. I wasn't yet married, hadn't even met my now husband then. Hadn't had children, I now have two beautiful girls.
As for your dh, look into cancer care for free counseling..individual or group. Support groups at your local jcc.
Take a trip. Build memories. Write letters. Take lots of video. Give lots of hugs. 
Everything of this. I can't speak for myself, only what DH told me. He was 16 when his father passed away from Pancreatic Cancer - really a true b!tch. There are so many things he wishes he knew from his father, the biggest thing is he wished he knew was that his father is/was proud of him. Especially as we are raising our son, I know it bothers him a lot, would his father be proud of him.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:37 AM |
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Tulips915
................
Member since 8/08 6851 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I am so sorry
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:37 AM |
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MrsM429
Mama x2 <3
Member since 12/10 4946 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I am so sorry to hear, my heart is breaking for you and your family right now
The only piece of advice I can offer, is to not hold anything back from your children, in fear of their feelings and worries. DH's mother did this to DH, and her sudden passing was a shock to everyone. 6 years later and he still has emotional issues because of this.
Be open and honest. Hug as much as you can, and be present in every day. Do things now that you would typically put off. And I love the idea of writing a letter or creating a video, maybe for each of your children's milestones (wedding, first home, first baby, etc). Create memories and enjoy your life.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:40 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
I'm so incredibly sorry. There are no words.
As someone who lost my mother to cancer I unfortunately can relate to this situation. I had just turned 27 and my mother just turned 58 when she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. At the time I wasn't in reality. Even in the end when she was under comfort care (similar to hospice). From the time she was diagnosed in October to her passing only 4 months later in February we did not talk of her dying. Deep down I'm sure my mother knew that was the end, but as for me and my father...we were fighting and didn't let our minds go there.
I never once had any conversations with my mother. I wish I did. I wish she wrote me letters to have in my life. A life had only just started. I wasn't yet married, hadn't even met my now husband then. Hadn't had children, I now have two beautiful girls.
As for your dh, look into cancer care for free counseling..individual or group. Support groups at your local jcc.
Take a trip. Build memories. Write letters. Take lots of video. Give lots of hugs.
Oh my word I'm in such tears reading this -- and the OP, itself.
I think the advice above, which was so moving to me, is excellent advice.
To the OP - I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry and that is so not enough.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:48 AM |
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LoveDayLove
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 1250 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
First... I want to tell you how strong you are. No matter if you feel it or not, you are. When my MIL we found out my MIL had pancreatic cancer we were not speaking to her. The doctor called us. While you are in a very different position with your kids, it helped us tremendously to be able to ask the doctor questions without my MIL there and with her there later on. We could then ask questions that we had once we had time to process that also did not have to put as much on my MIL as well. Doctors typically have social workers on staff too who can provide suggestions of support for you and your family as well. Sending you lots of hugs.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:51 AM |
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FDNYWife31
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 1117 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
Prayers to you and your family
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:53 AM |
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Poppyseed79
LIF Adult
Member since 10/14 935 total posts
Name:
"Reg"
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
Posted by LI-Joy
I don't have an answer, but I just want to say I'm so sorry. I'm very sad to read this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. 
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:55 AM |
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Mom0710
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/14 682 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
Tell them the truth. Don't hide it and don't lie about it. I'm so sorry. That really sucks. You are in my prayers.
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| Posted 8/31/15 10:30 AM |
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momtimes2
LIF Infant
Member since 4/14 333 total posts
Name:
stephanie
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How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I am so sorry - when my dad found out he was ill, he called me at work - it was 11/10/14 and I live in NC, him in NY. He sounded like he was still fighting what we thought was a "sinus infection" from a few weeks prior so I asked him "dad, you sound like crap, you are still sick"? that was when he told me he has metastatic melanoma - I started crying and he said "don't cry baby, I'll be fine" - he was definitely not fine and passed away on 12/2. I am thinking of you and sending you love and prayers.
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| Posted 8/31/15 10:48 AM |
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wishing2012
My heart is full
Member since 3/12 1961 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I am so incredibly to hear what you are going through, and you and your family are in my prayers.
I lost my mother last year. While it was under a completely different circumstance, it was sudden and unexpected, and I WISH I had more time with her. Thus, I would tell them as soon as you can, so that you can really make every moment after truly meaningful.
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| Posted 8/31/15 10:49 AM |
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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
i have no words. i'll just pray for you and your family
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| Posted 8/31/15 10:55 AM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
No words only many many for you and your family
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| Posted 8/31/15 11:09 AM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
Posted by MrsG823
There is no easy way to tell your children. It is probably best to talk to them in person. Start out by giving them the facts. I can say from person experience hearing someone you love is going to die is shocking and being told in a straightforward manner helps. My heart goes out to you. I hope you and your family are able to enjoy each other as much as possible in the days to come. Do not delay telling your children--allow them to spend as much time as they can with you.
I whole heartedly agree with this. Sending you many many prayers both to you and your family
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| Posted 8/31/15 11:50 AM |
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missrock
Beautiful!!!!
Member since 5/06 3808 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I am so sorry..my thoughts are with you and your family at this very difficult time.
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| Posted 8/31/15 11:56 AM |
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allIwant
Love my crazy life!
Member since 1/10 9170 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I'm so sorry! My heart is breaking for you.
I agree with the previous posters. Don't hold a thing back, tell the facts, let them know your "plan"
Although I've never been in the situation maybe after the "talk" you could start talking about yoir wishes and your list of fun things you want to do with them
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| Posted 8/31/15 11:57 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I am so incredibly sorry you're going through this. I have no further advice other then don't leave things unsaid.
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:07 PM |
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JAPH23
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/13 769 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
Everyone gave good advice
I just wanted to say I am praying for you and your family.
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:15 PM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I'm just so sad to read this. I wish you luck. I'm so sorry 
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:20 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
First, I am really sorry. As other have suggested, I would have a sit down in person with your kids this week. I would tell them you want to plan a big family vacation and a celebration of life party where you can see everyone. It does not have to be an elaborate party, but a party for you nonetheless. I think people who are close to you will surprise you and want to help and be there for you. Hugs to you.
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:27 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I found out my Dad had cancer last November 10th. He passed Decmber 2nd. He had melanoma that had spread to many of his vital organs. We had very little time and at the time, I dont think he realized how serious his condition was. We spent time together and we had an awesome relationship. Tell your kids how much you love them and how proud you are of them. Also-dont give up just yet. Read into natural healing-diet, juices, go all in and see what you can do. Look into alterntive therapies. The furture is unwritten. Best of luck to you.
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:52 PM |
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DaisyGirl
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1650 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through. I will be thinking of you and saying many prayers. It's nowhere near enough.
I would tell your children as soon as possible, face to face if possible. If it was me, I would want to know and be there for my mom through as much as I could. I'll be thinking of you.
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| Posted 8/31/15 1:09 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
Posted by justbeachy
My heart just sunk.
I don't know you, but my heart hurts for you and your family. I am so sorry and will keep you in my prayers.
Do they know you've been ill? Or will this come as a shock? You said they are grown. If i were in your shoes I'd hold a family meeting and walk them through the diagnosis/prognosis. Allow them to ask questions. Be as strong as you can be for them, but allow yourself to grieve.
Look into therapy options for both you and your family. I don't know much about those options but i imagine the hospital will have support group and/or therapy suggestions.
I will be thinking of you.
I agree with all this I am so sorry
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| Posted 8/31/15 1:09 PM |
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JDubs
different, not less
Member since 7/09 13160 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
I am so very sorry you are going through this. I agree with the others, there is no easy way to tell them, just be straightforward. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family
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| Posted 8/31/15 2:53 PM |
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iBCraZ131
Love my girls!
Member since 8/07 1155 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?
My DH and I and his family are in the same situation right now. We just found out in May that my FIL has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He is also inoperable and fairly young (62). DH is 34, and his brothers are 32 and 30. We all kind of found out together. MIL is actually a nurse and she's been taking it pretty hard, but is being diligent about staying on top of FIL for meds and apps. DH and his brothers even went to the doctor appointments with him to get the final test results that ultimately said it was cancer. Everyone in his family has been supportive and my DH has done the most research and helped the most because everyone else can't handle it. We started chemo by the end of May. He has good weeks and bad weeks, but is doing great on the chemo. He is still working several days a week and keeps himself busy at home. We even went on vacation together as a family in the beginning of August. It is going to be hard but you need to be honest and open with your family. We don't know how long we have with FIL right now, but we are taking each day as a blessing and making the most of the time we have with him right now. DH and I are also expecting our second child and I know he is fighting hard to make sure he is around for it. I wish you and your family the best. Don't give up hope and make sure you look into all your options.
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| Posted 8/31/15 2:56 PM |
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