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nrthshgrl
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Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/queens/paralyzed-terminally-ill-patient-fight-death-article-1.117438
Doctors at Long Island’s North Shore Hospital say Grace Sung Eun Lee is competent and made her wishes clear. Woman's parents say removing her from life support would be suicide and condemn her to hell She is paralyzed from the neck down, tethered to breathing and feeding tubes — but Manhattan bank manager Grace Sung Eun Lee still managed to mouth four words Wednesday.
“I want to die.”
Doctors are trying to honor Lee’s wish, but her devout parents believe that removing the tubes is suicide — a sin that would condemn the 28-year-old to hell.
They’ve gone to court to keep the terminally ill brain-cancer patient on life support, turning a heartbreaking family tragedy into a right-to-die legal battle. The case has put medical ethics and religion on a collision course, with lawyers arguing in two courtrooms while the patient at the center of the fight can do little more than blink her eyes. “The thought of her dying, my heart tremors, everything goes black,” Grace’s father, prominent Queens pastor the Rev. Manho Lee, pleaded to a judge. Her mother, Jin-ah Lee, does not believe her always dutiful daughter has given up on life — or that her death is inevitable.
“Despite all this confusion, she wants to go to heaven,” she told the Daily News. “I keep telling her she can get better. God’s going to save you.”
The congregation at Antioch Missionary Church is praying for Grace, who mentored young people. The day after the Korea Times wrote about the case, a Korean church group took out an ad that declared: “Giving up life is not the will of God.”
Lee’s Korean immigrant parents say she is depressed and not in her right mind. “We believe that our daughter is really heavily medicated and unable to make her own decisions,” her father said Wednesday.
But her doctors at Long Island’s North Shore Hospital say she’s competent and has made her wishes clear.
“She is very tearful when she thinks about dying, but she consistently asks that the breathing tube be removed and she begs us to do that,” Dr. Dana Lustbader, chief of palliative medicine at North Shore, testified at an emergency hearing last week.
Before last fall, Lee was a vibrant young woman who came here from Seoul as an eighth-grader and graduated from the University of North Carolina.
She was living in Manhattan, working as a financial manager at Bank of America and training to run the New York City Marathon.
A month before the race, she fell ill and doctors found a tumor in her brain stem. She moved into her parents’ Douglaston, Queens, home while getting radiation and chemotherapy. She regained some strength, but by summer was so ill she could hardly move.
On Sept. 3, she had a seizure, and an ambulance rushed her to North Shore, where doctors eventually put her on a ventilator and inserted the feeding tube.
The brain tumor had resurfaced and she was given months, or even weeks, to live, and she was soon moved to a palliative care unit.
On Sept. 18, doctors tried to remove the breathing tube to see if she could manage on her own — but she could not, court papers say.
Her parents pushed for transfer to a nursing home, but when Lustbader asked Lee if she wanted to move, she started to cry, she testified.
“I don’t want to go, take this tube out, why won’t you take the tube out, please, please, please,” she cried, according to Lustbader.
The tug-of-war began in earnest the night of Sept. 23, when Lee’s mother says she overheard a nurse talking with her daughter, making plans to remove the breathing tube the next morning, a Monday.
“I was shocked,” she said. “I asked Grace, ‘Did you just say that you were going to pull the life support out tomorrow?’ And Grace said, ‘Yes.’ “I asked, ‘Are you trying to die tomorrow?’ And she said, ‘Yes, I am going to try to die tomorrow.’ ”
The mother was so upset she called 911, but the police who arrived said they could not get involved.
The hospital put off removing the tubes until the next afternoon, and Lee’s father took advantage of the delay to rush into Nassau County Supreme Court in the morning.
He asked to be appointed guardian, and a judge issued a temporary order, stopping the hospital from removing the feeding tube and respirator.
At a hearing Friday, Judge Thomas Phelan ruled Grace Lee was competent after listening to both sides.
Lee is on several medications, including morphine for pain and Ativan for anxiety, but her doctors say the dosage isn’t high enough to affect her reasoning.
“Her face moves, her mouth moves, and she communicates very clearly and consistently by mouthing words and with eyes — one blink yes, two blinks no. But her mouth is able to move very clearly and communicate effectively,” Lustbader told the judge.
The hospital had a psychiatrist assess Lee, and he found she is capable of making medical choices.
The judge said it was a difficult decision.
“My heart goes out to the family,” Phelan said in court. “I feel your sorrow, I feel your pain, and I wish certainly that your daughter will recover and should recover, although that is unlikely... I need to vacate the temporary restraining order and let the things move through their other natural course and put Miss Lee in the hands of God.”
The Lees appealed right away, and the Appellate Division reinstated the temporary restraining order. The tubes will remain in place until a panel of judges weighs in.
“We earned some extra days,” said Jin-ah Lee, 58. “Some extra time.”
Terry Lynam, a spokesman for North Shore-LIJ Hospital Systems, said the hospital couldn’t comment on the case, citing patient confidentiality. But he added, “In all end-of-life cases, we abide by the patient’s wishes.”
Alta Charo, professor of law and medical ethics at the University of Wisconsin Law School, said the key question is whether the patient is competent to make the call.
“Given that she is 28 years old, if she is competent, she has under any interpretation of U.S law, the right to be free of unwanted bodily intrusions,” Charo said. “That is law that dates back to the colonial period.”
Meanwhile, a steady stream of visitors arrives to pray for Lee — her two brothers, a cousin, members of her youth group.
In the hospital cafeteria, the Rev. Young Gab Hyun, a leader in the Council of Korean Churches of Greater New York, said many people in the Korean community see this as a culture clash.
“In the United States, when you’re over 18, the person becomes legal and independent. A person can decide all responsibilities on her own,” he said. “But in Korean culture . . . we believe that the decisions that the parents make have a lot more influence in this type of matter than herself.”
Grace’s brother Paul Lee, 30, said he’s surprised his sister is standing up to their parents.
“She was the only one who would always tell me, you should listen to our parents,” he said.
Message edited 10/4/2012 5:05:19 PM.
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Posted 10/4/12 5:03 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name: LB
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
This story breaks my heart
I hope she gets her wish and her parents can find peace.
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Posted 10/4/12 5:05 PM |
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DumpsterBaby
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Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
I have chills reading this. I cannot imagine the struggle the parents are going through, but they have to know how much pain she is, how she is clearly so desperate for respite. I can't blame her parents for what they want, no one should ever have to endure this on either spectrum, but keeping her alive in such pain despite her demands seems so cruel to me. I would hope that relieving her of this pain could bring them the comfort to know that is at peace.
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Posted 10/4/12 5:13 PM |
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
So sad.
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Posted 10/4/12 5:15 PM |
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Beth
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
I don't think you are "alive" if you need machines
we chose to let my Mom go with out putting her on machines- that would be for us- not her- their was no chance she was going to live
I feel horrible for her and I hope her family finds peace
I agree with her wishes
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Posted 10/4/12 5:23 PM |
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Xelindrya
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
Posted by DumpsterBaby
I have chills reading this. I cannot imagine the struggle the parents are going through, but they have to know how much pain she is, how she is clearly so desperate for respite. I can't blame her parents for what they want, no one should ever have to endure this on either spectrum, but keeping her alive in such pain despite her demands seems so cruel to me. I would hope that relieving her of this pain could bring them the comfort to know that is at peace.
I feel for the daughter. That poor woman. She is a grown adult. She is making a decision and her parents are making it harder that it already is and can you IMAGINE how hard this is already?
I know they hurt but they are making her suffer longer. Its a shame they can't see eye to eye.
Let the poor woman die with dignity and peace. Let her say I love you to her mom, let her mom say I love you back.
This will not end well. The parents don't seem to be willing to accept her choice. They brought religion into it which makes it sadder to me. because it seems they will always thing that no matter what anyone says God will agree that she doomed her soul to hell. How horrible.
How can you let go of life and go in peace when you know your parents will always hate this decision and think so poorly of it?
my god.. that poor woman.
If my own daughter were in there i'd have to find some well of unknown strength that I dont think I even HAVE to let her go peacefully. I have had family members already make that choice. It felt selfish at first then I realized they did it because it WAS selfish, they thought of themselves and we needed to remember it was their life. i honor those decisions now and I'm proud of them. They lived great and wonderful lives and left on their terms. They were sick but left before the suffering was too much.
I hope she finds peace I hope the parents can find it within themselves to let their daughter go with love and peace.
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Posted 10/4/12 6:01 PM |
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
I hope she gets her wish and is at peace soon.
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Posted 10/4/12 6:10 PM |
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JennZ
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Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
I think the parents are being selfish. Let her go, she does NOT want to live like this. Reminds me of the terry shavo(sp) in florida.
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Posted 10/4/12 6:16 PM |
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hopingforbaby
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Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
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Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
I lost my stepfather to brain cancer and my husband lost a relative to it too. it is by far one of the worst diseases i have ever seen and i do not blame her for wanting to be let go.. I hope her parents learn to respect her wishes.
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Posted 10/4/12 6:25 PM |
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drpepper318
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
That is so completely heartbreaking God Bless this poor woman and her family.
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Posted 10/4/12 6:41 PM |
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MrsSpring
I'm a lucky mama
Member since 1/10 7585 total posts
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
this story is so sad. praying for her and her family .
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Posted 10/4/12 6:46 PM |
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kahlua716
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Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name: Keri
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
I heard about this on the radio. I hope her parents let go. I can't imagine what it must be like for them- but to make her live on life support is horrible for her
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Posted 10/4/12 6:48 PM |
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shoegal68
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
So sad I got the chills reading it
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Posted 10/4/12 7:33 PM |
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StaceyWill
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Member since 6/10 21539 total posts
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
I was just reading this story in the paper - so incredibly sad.
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Posted 10/4/12 7:53 PM |
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Mushesgirl
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
Horrible. Imagine begging to die
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Posted 10/4/12 8:15 PM |
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Leeners
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
This is infuriating to me that she cannot have her wishes followed. These parents are going through a horrific ordeal - not enough can be said about that - but it is HER ordeal, not theirs, that needs to be considered. I don't understand under what law they were even granted a reinstatement of the order
I hope she finds peace soon. This story literally is too horrible for any other resolution.
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Posted 10/4/12 8:53 PM |
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gina409
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
Posted by headoverheels
This story breaks my heart
I hope she gets her wish and her parents can find peace.
ita
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Posted 10/4/12 11:55 PM |
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8ternity
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
I saw this on the news today and it broke my heart, the mother was crying so hard...breaks my heart, what a shame...many many prayer for them!
Message edited 10/5/2012 1:05:43 AM.
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Posted 10/5/12 1:05 AM |
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ThePinkGoose
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
Posted by Xelindrya
Let the poor woman die with dignity and peace. Let her say I love you to her mom, let her mom say I love you back.
I think you nailed it right here. Everyone deserves to die with dignity and peace. That poor woman and her poor parents, my heart aches for them. It's just horrifying what they are going through. I don't see how they are considering removing the tube to be 'suicide.' She's not choosing to die, she's just choosing to end her suffering. I am also very religious but in this situation, it's the tubes and human medical intervention keeping her alive. Preventing that is not going against God, in my eyes. My heart and prayers go out to her and her family. I hope they have the strength to get through this and support her, to use their religious beliefs to pray with her and alongside her as she passes. God bless them all.
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Posted 10/5/12 8:41 AM |
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halfbaked
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
Posted by Beth
I don't think you are "alive" if you need machines
we chose to let my Mom go with out putting her on machines- that would be for us- not her- their was no chance she was going to live
I feel horrible for her and I hope her family finds peace
I agree with her wishes
I have to agree, to a point. I think there are plenty of instances where a patient is put on life support and is able to continue to live a relatively normal life (I'm thinking more minor forms of life support though- oxygen tanks and defibrillators, etc.) This is not one of them. To be honest, I wouldn't even think of this as a suicide. She's not asking for euthanasia, she's asking to be taken off of the machines and to leave her fate in God's hands. I hope her parents come to realize this and they can let her go in peace. My heart breaks for them, too, though.
Message edited 10/5/2012 9:33:54 AM.
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Posted 10/5/12 9:31 AM |
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Bearcat
Love my little girls!!! <3
Member since 6/10 10818 total posts
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
Posted by Leeners
I don't understand under what law they were even granted a reinstatement of the order
It's largely a procedural issue because this is an "emergency" situation - most legal issues carry a right to appeal. The parents would never see their right to appeal if the order was not reinstated, because she would surely die before then. So the emergency order gets reinstated. It's terrible and awful in this particular situation.
My heart goes out to the family and to the woman who is undeniably suffering.
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Posted 10/5/12 9:39 AM |
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Eunyboo
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
So sad
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Posted 10/5/12 9:47 AM |
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Nifheim
allo
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
Posted by Beth I don't think you are "alive" if you need machines
I completely agree with this. I can't imagine how hard it is but sometimes the person on the machine is ready to go - or in reality its best for them to go peacefully.
I have watched my grandfather starve/reject water for a month in order to die after a stroke he had. IT WAS AGONIZING and has left me knowing sometimes medical intervention is not best. Sometimes its nature that this life needs to end in order to make room for another. My husband and I have discussed if something should happen in child birth or later in life if we have a child and is considered terminal or would need to be on life support for the rest of their lives or in forever pain we would end their suffering. I realize this is what we say now and things could change but I know personally I wouldn't want life in that way.
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Posted 10/5/12 10:21 AM |
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MrsPorkChop
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Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
i dont know how you can allow your child to die. as a parent i can not fathom this and i completely understand the parents case. with that said, its awful that the daughter needs to suffer like that. i guess in the end, i hope she is allowed to proceed with her request, but i just cant imagine the agony those poor people are going through.
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Posted 10/5/12 10:27 AM |
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jams92
Member since 1/12 6105 total posts
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Re: Paralyzed bank manager terminally ill with brain cancer fights for her right to die
such a heartbreaking story. i feel for the parents and also for the daughter...its a tough situation to be in but let the daughter go as she wishes. she is terminal dont make her suffer any longer praying for her and her family
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Posted 10/5/12 10:37 AM |
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