Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

Posted by ziamaria

Posted by beachgirl

I am in tears reading this...you are an amazing woman. Seriously. Why not till the vegetable garden over and plant some flowers that are special to you - maybe ones that attract butterflies and that way your husband and kids can sit out there and talk about you. Maybe even do a handprint rock with all of your handprints - it might bring them some comfort in the years to come to sit there and see your actual handprint. I am seriously in awe of you and how you are handling yourself during this time.

Have you thought about writing letters to your kids and your husband that they can open before an important event. I know it will be difficult to write but I imagine worthwhile.

Wishing you the strength to enjoy each and ever precious daily moment - your post has made me realize that I need to do the same.

I agree wholeheartedly with what beachgirl posted...including a video to your children and husband would be nice too, so they can hear you and see you whenever they want. My aunt passed away from pancreatic cancer in April of 2014. She fought stage 4 for 2 years - much longer than anticipated in Italy. She left videos for her grandson, daughter and husband. It was difficult for them to watch initially, but they are comforted by her words now.

Hugs to you and your family. May this be a time of coming together and cherishing all of the family time you have.

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

just be honest with them early. my sisters and I had 8 days to take everything in with my dad. he didn't want to tell anyone while he was going for tests. we had 8 days...from finding out he had kidney/liver cancer, matter of months, to hours to days. I know your kids will want to know and be there for you

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

Posted by MichLiz213

Posted by PhyllisNJoe

I think just like you said it here. Give facts and let the rest just flow. There is no easy way to hear that your parent is sick and there's no way they will recover.

I am so sorry. I wish you peace and quality time spent with loved ones during this time

I agree.

I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my prayers.

How to tell others you are terminally ill?

Every time I read one of your posts I cry. I cannot imagine what you' and your husband and children (next week) are going through. Cancer makes me so mad. I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. I must say I'm happy that at the very least you know about it and I pray that you live in the least discomfort possible and you enjoy every single minute of every day!!

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I agree with many others and am glad you have a course of action. Amazing that the words of a stranger can evoke such emotion. I cannot read your posts without crying. I am amazed by the way you are handling this. I am glad you spoke to your husband about how proud you are of him. I hope that you realize you should be proud of YOU too. Your family is lucky to have you and I pray that no matter how long you are physically here, you are able to enjoy it as much as possible and be surrounded with feelings of love from both your family and all of us in cyber world that are thinking of you.

How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I responded to your initial post the other day but I find myself coming back every night to read your updates and other people's comments. When my father died I was a kid and then my family never really spoke about it and its almost as if he never existed. Please leave things for your children and your husband to remember you. I know it might sound strange but maybe put together small birthday gifts for your children. Maybe a letter for them when they get engaged or married. A card for a future grandchild. I know those things seem hard to think of doing but they will mean so much. I have nothing but old photos and an inability to even speak about my father. I can tell you are an amazing woman and your family is lucky you are so caring. Please keep us updated.

Message edited 9/5/2015 1:13:58 AM.

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I am sitting here with tears running down my face reading your updates and everyone else's responses to you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. It has made me stop and think about the blessings in my life and telling people how much they mean to me. The truth of the matter is that most of us don't know how much time we have, tragedy can strike any of us at any time. We need to cherish the blessings we have in our lives.
Back to you, I am so sorry to hear Sloan felt cold and impersonal, you are not the first person I have heard that from though. I am glad you found a hospital and doctor that are sensitive to your needs and the need of your family. Many have said what I want to say but I'll say it again- Your family is lucky to have you. Your strength and courage during this unimaginable time is amazing. I love the ideas others gave about cards, letters or videos. I can't imagine how hard it would be for you to do but I'm sure it would mean a lot to them.
I am so sorry that you are facing this. I will continue to think of you and pray that treatments are able to prolong and/ or improve your quality of life and that you are able to enjoy as much time as you can with your family. Please continue to update us.

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I am so sorry you are going through this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I echo all the earlier sentiments that you are clearly an amazing woman.

I love the idea of letters and videos. I lost my dad when I was 15 and I cling to this video I have of my long divorced cousin's wedding where you can see him for just a moment.

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

It has been a while since I first responded. I had to come back to read your updates and to see how you are. My heart aches for you I cry for you. Im so sorry that you have to go through this. I agree about the letters, the videos and taking a vacation with your family. You are such a strong woman. Sending you prayers and strength during this time when you have to tell you kids.

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I am so sorry for what you are going through

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I am so in awe of you as I sit here in tears. You will be in my prayers! I am in awe of your strength and tenacity! God Bless!

How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I can't find words to express how sad I am for you and your family, but I am inspired by the grace and love you have expressed here for your family. Something that I came across a while back and think is just really neat for anyone, but especially those facing terminal illnesses is StoryCorps. There is now an app, where you can record conversations on meaningful topics. There is a repository of incredible questions to choose from, or you can create your own. And then you set up a time and place to record. It's designed to be an interview format. How often we hear 'if I could just hear their voice' or 'I wish I would have known what mom/dad/grandma/grandpa, etc' would do or did in x situation. This app provides the tools and perhaps this is something you and your husband and/or children could do to make and record memories.



StoryCorps site

Message edited 9/8/2015 1:18:54 PM.

How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I am so saddened to read this thread. You sound so strong and inspiring, cancer is just so unfair. I'm sure your children will be devastated and need time to process it all. I agree with leaving special photos, videos and memories for them. You and your family are in my thoughts..

How to tell others you are terminally ill?

Add me to your list of admirers. The grace and dignity you convey through your posts are inspiring. You and your family are in my prayers.
I'm sorry that MSK was not helpful; my family has found much needed support from them in the past.
One thing that my brother-in-law did before his passing was write a letter to each of his kids to be opened on/around their birthday. He wrote letters up until/including their 18th birthday. The letters are difficult to open in many ways, but my BIL was quite a character, we end up laughing through them. I am especially comforted by seeing his handwriting and the doodles he included.
Wishing you comfort and peace xoxo

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I will keep you and your children and husband in my prayers. I wish there was something more to say or do.

How to tell others you are terminally ill?

Still praying for you. You sound like you have a good plan. Keep telling them everything and stay strong

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I don't have advice...Im sorry. My mom had this cancer. Spend every waking minute of the day with them.

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

My heart breaks reading this but you have this thing about you- you will not let this break you.
Though you know the outcome, You know what needs to be done.

I pray for you and your family. I pray that you are not in pain.

Pancreatic Cancer sucks. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

You are strong woman.

Lots of prayers to you. Lots and lots of prayers.

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I just want to say I am sorry you are going through this.

I am saying a prayer for you and your family.

How to tell others you are terminally ill?

Again, thank you everyone. I am going to be thinking about writing letters or taking part in Story Corps, though I am not sure yet.

I had no choice but to tell my kids something on Labor Day Monday afternoon while we were at the beach, but not the whole story because it was such a public place. I had asked them on Saturday if they both would to come stay with us next weekend (which would be after next Wednesday's symposium my son has worked so hard to set up) as DH and I had some important things to talk to them about. They both had said yes, but after getting a number of texts Monday afternoon our son suddenly told me he couldn't because a college friend who lives in Europe was going to be here and all of his friends were planning a party for the guy on Saturday.

As our kids were going to be leaving for the city shortly, I had to explain that meeting next weekend was essential to me, that I have discovered that I am very sick and am to get a mediport on Friday and start chemo on Monday. I told them that I have been seeing doctors for second opinions and having tests and only got the final diagnosis and made a choice about doctors and hospitals on Tuesday. I explained that I hadn't said anything to them as I wanted to know what I was dealing with and also did not want to upset DS before he finished taking his last exam this past Friday. (which he passed with an excellent score!)

To say the kids were stunned would be an understatement. They handled it well. They sat quietly with their own thoughts - probably thinking my breast cancer had returned - before telling me that of course they would be here. It was clear that neither could talk without breaking down. After a moment, my DD looked at DS who had tears in his eyes and said they needed to take a walk. I asked if they wanted me to come with them, but was gently told no. They walked forever down the beach. I could see them getting smaller and smaller. DH and I waited a long time for them to come back before deciding we should head home and let them return home when they felt able to.

I was not certain what to expect when the front door opened and they came in, but they were all smiles and so sweet to us. Neither asked any questions apparently having decided to let us tell them in our own way next weekend.

As we had driven home DH had said he would have put off telling them annother week, but I could hear your voices saying that I needed to tell them as soon as possible. I belive you are right. I just could not bring myself to tell them everything about what I had and that it is terminal just two hours before they had to leave to go to their homes. I'd rather be able to tell them the whole story from the beginning when we are all sitting down and have the time and a quiet place to absorb it.

Message edited 9/9/2015 11:47:11 AM.

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

How to tell others you are terminally ill?

My father just came out and told me he had 3 months to live after he was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was taken aback cause I thought the chemo was helping...I was in my late 20's at the time. There is no right or wrong answer for you. You need to be as gentle and strong for them as you have ever been. I'm so incredibly sorry for you...there are no words.

Message edited 9/9/2015 3:01:08 PM.

Re: How to tell others you are terminally ill?

So many hugs for you and your family.

How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I am so sorry. There is no easy way. I would say tell them sooner rather than later and without any of their kids there.

If possible I would say take a trip with them soon while still feeling your best. It could be a short weekend friday to sunday trip. Create some nice memories, take some nice photos.

How to tell others you are terminally ill?

I haven't stopped thinking about you or this post. I know all to well what you're dealing with and you and yor dh and children haven't left my mind. I wanted to come back and write more and even reach out to you privately but for some reason I didn't. I'm not sure where you live or your children, but I'm available in person to meet with your daughter if she ever needs someone. We could meet for coffee. I know when I was going through everything with my mom it helped having others around who really, truly understood. Even now years later it's important to me to be around people who understand first hand and can relate.