I Don't Know Where to Start...

I'm embarrassed to even say this, but I've never been to a funeral before (only wakes) and I've never heard a eulogy.

My family has asked me to write & present the eulogy for my uncle's funeral on Saturday.

I don't know where to start. I'm a relatively good writer and once I get the creative juices started, they flow naturally, but nothing like this.

He passed away this weekend in a very tragic accident at the age of 47, leaving behind three boys (ages 9,11,12) and his amazing wife. He's my father's brother (only one in the USA) and raised me and my brother Anthony until the age of 10.

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I am so sorry for your loss

for the eulogy, pull from your heart..write it all down on paper..read it and then go from there as far as the order...sounds like an amazing man who meant alot to you...again I am very sorry for your loss...

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I'm sorry.

I've done this before, and what I said depending on the family and the deceased. One of them, I was able to remember incidents and things he did to make people laugh - he was a big time jokester. It was strange to smile and laugh at a funeral but it's what our family wanted.

In another, it was more my personal experiences with the person. He was very young and took his own life, so I tried to keep away from talking about death. Only about life. And my best memories of him, and his best qualities.

My problem was always the end. How do you wrap something like that up? It's so hard. I wish you luck.

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I am so sorry for your loss

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I'm so sorry Chris

Write down what you would want people who don't know him, to know about him. Then let DH read it and take it form there. Just go with your heart.

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So sorry, Chris -- try to just do a free write, whatever comes to mind, about what he's meant to you, what you learned from him, tell everyone about something that he said or did that you'll never forget...once you start, you'll find the right words.

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I m so sorry about your uncle. Last year I had to write the Funeral Notice for my grandfather, which was then also used as his eulogy. It was hard because our family was very divided after he left my grandmother & it was a very difficult thing to write something universal for all of us.

Just think of one thing that everyone would like and let it flow from there. You will be amazed how much will come to you.

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I'm so very sorry...speak from the heart, keep it short if it makes you feel better...when you get emotional, just remember to breathe....

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Should I be "welcoming" those attending and how long should it be?

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Thank you all for your heart-felt words and support. I really appreciate it.

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Message edited 11/8/2006 2:53:07 PM.

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I am so sorry for your loss

I did the eulogy at my grandma's & I pulled everything from deep inside. I mentioned things that people would remember about her (like always having cookies prepared when we were coming & a dollar for every A we got...etc) Just think of all the memories you had of him & write them down...

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Re: I Don't Know Where to Start...

Posted by ChrissynRicky

Posted by LRusso

Posted by ChrissynRicky

Should I be "welcoming" those attending and how long should it be?

I wouldn't welcome, but rather:

"I really want to sincerely thank all of you who came to express your condolences today...."

About 10 minutes?

I didn't know the right words to describe "welcoming" but more as the beginning, but that line alone is perfect. Thank you so much Lana!

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i'm so sorry

i wrote my grandmothers eulogy 2 years ago (but had my mom read it-- there was no way that i could do it).. so i wrote it as coming from my mom

just think of it as having a conversation with someone, and describe all of the great theings about your uncle- all the reasons that made him so special, achievements, etc... and it will all start to flow.

i finished it off with a quote that i felt tied it all together.

if you want, i can FM you the eulogy, if you need some ideas

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im sorry

im not good at things like this..
have you checked the internet ?

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I'm so sorryto hear about your uncle! This is a hard thing to write.

You may also want to check out those blue mountain greeting cards. You may find a few lines you can use.

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I have been to many funerals

The eulogy I most remember is my parents friend Goldie's. She had a husband, 3 kids 3 grandkids and a ton of friends.

She died when she was old but it still hurt that she was gone.

Her daughter got up and talked for 10 minutes. She went through all of the things about her mom that everyone would know. She talked about how much she loved her deceased dogs tootsie and bandit, how she loved to knit people things, how great of a cook she was, how she would open her heart and her home to anybody regardless of the circumstances. Her husband adored her and we did too. There wasn't a dry eye in the service.

I just thought I would help you with some specifics. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are very special to be doing this.

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sorry for your loss.

I like Lana's first line too . Just keep it simple and short, and speak from the heart - no one is going to judge you, they are just going to listen and appreciate your fond memories of him.

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im sorry for your loss - i lost my uncle suddenly last march - he was 50 and my cousins are 10, 8, and 7.

What kind of personality did your uncle have? for instance, my uncle always helped people (he was very handy) when they needed him - so one of his high school friends did his ulogy and talked about his life, how much he helped everyone that was there, said cute stories about him, etc.

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Here is Princess Di's to give you a sample:


I stand before you today the representative of a family in grief, in a country in mourning, before a world in shock. We are all united not only in our desire to pay our respects to Diana, but rather in our need to do so.

For such was her extraordinary appeal that the tens of millions of people taking part in this service all over the world via television and radio who never actually met her, feel that they, too, lost someone close to them in the early hours of Sunday morning. It is a more remarkable tribute to Diana than I can ever hope to offer her today.

Diana was the very essence of compassion, of duty, of style, of beauty. All over the world she was a symbol of selfless humanity, a standard-bearer for the rights of the truly downtrodden, a truly British girl who transcended nationality, someone with a natural nobility who was classless, who proved in the last year that she needed no royal title to continue to generate her particular brand of magic.

Today is our chance to say "thank you" for the way you brightened our lives, even though God granted you but half a life. We will all feel cheated that you were taken from us so young and yet we must learn to be grateful that you came along at all.

Only now you are gone do we truly appreciate what we are now without and we want you to know that life without you is very, very difficult.

We have all despaired at our loss over the past week and only the strength of the message you gave us through your years of giving has afforded us the strength to move forward.

There is a temptation to rush to canonize your memory. There is no need to do so. You stand tall enough as a human being of unique qualities not to need to be seen as a saint. Indeed to sanctify your memory would be to miss out on the very core of your being, your wonderfully mischievous sense of humor with the laugh that bent you double, your joy for life transmitted wherever you took your smile, and the sparkle in those unforgettable eyes, your boundless energy which you could barely contain.

But your greatest gift was your intuition, and it was a gift you used wisely. This is what underpinned all your wonderful attributes. And if we look to analyze what it was about you that had such a wide appeal, we find it in your instinctive feel for what was really important in all our lives.

Without your God-given sensitivity, we would be immersed in greater ignorance at the anguish of AIDS and HIV sufferers, the plight of the homeless, the isolation of lepers, the random destruction of land mines. Diana explained to me once that it was her innermost feelings of suffering that made it possible for her to connect with her constituency of the rejected.

And here we come to another truth about her. For all the status, the glamour, the applause, Diana remained throughout a very insecure person at heart, almost childlike in her desire to do good for others so she could release herself from deep feelings of unworthiness of which her eating disorders were merely a symptom. The world sensed this part of her character and cherished her for her vulnerability, whilst admiring her for her honesty. The last time I saw Diana was on July the first, her birthday, in London, when typically she was not taking time to celebrate her special day with friends but was guest of honor at a charity fund-raising evening.

She sparkled of course, but I would rather cherish the days I spent with her in March when she came to visit me and my children in our home in South Africa. I am proud of the fact that apart from when she was on public display meeting President Mandela, we managed to contrive to stop the ever-present paparazzi from getting a single picture of her. That meant a lot to her.

These are days I will always treasure. It was as if we'd been transported back to our childhood, when we spent such an enormous amount of time together, the two youngest in the family.

Fundamentally she hadn't changed at all from the big sister who mothered me as a baby, fought with me at school and endured those long train journeys between our parents' homes with me at weekends. It is a tribute to her level-headedness and strength that despite the most bizarre life imaginable after her childhood, she remained intact, true to herself.

There is no doubt that she was looking for a new direction in her life at this time. She talked endlessly of getting away from England, mainly because of the treatment she received at the hands of the newspapers.

I don't think she ever understood why her genuinely good intentions were sneered at by the media, why there appeared to be a permanent quest on their behalf to bring her down. It is baffling. My own, and only, explanation is that genuine goodness is threatening to those at the opposite end of the moral spectrum. It is a point to remember that of all the ironies about Diana, perhaps the greatest is this; that a girl given the name of the ancient goddess of hunting was, in the end, the most hunted person of the modern age.

She would want us today to pledge ourselves to protecting her beloved boys, William and Harry, from a similar fate. And I do this here, Diana, on your behalf. We will not allow them to suffer the anguish that used regularly to drive you to tearful despair.

Beyond that, on behalf of your mother and sisters, I pledge that we, your blood family, will do all we can to continue the imaginative and loving way in which you were steering these two exceptional young men, so that their souls are not simply immersed by duty and tradition but can sing openly as you planned.

We fully respect the heritage into which they have both been born, and will always respect and encourage them in their royal role. But we, like you, recognize the need for them to experience as many different aspects of life as possible, to arm them spiritually and emotionally for the years ahead. I know you would have expected nothing less from us.

William and Harry, we all care desperately for you today. We are all chewed up with sadness at the loss of a woman who wasn't even our mother. How great your suffering is we cannot even imagine.

I would like to end by thanking God for the small mercies he has shown us at this dreadful time; for taking Diana at her most beautiful and radiant and when she had so much joy in her private life.

Above all, we give thanks for the life of a woman I am so proud to be able to call my sister: the unique the complex, the extraordinary and irreplaceable Diana, whose beauty, both internal and external, will never be extinguished from our minds.

Re: I Don't Know Where to Start...

First, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Second, I had to write something for my grandfather's funeral - I just told little anecdotes and stories about him. It wasn't the eulogy...but getting up there was so hard!

Re: I Don't Know Where to Start...

I am sorry for your loss...
I am not sure what advice to give, except write from your heart.. nothing you can say will be wrong.