I don't understand it...(long vent)

I'm actually very embarrassed because I feel like my DH is a child...

My DH plays x-box with his cousin for quite a long time at night. I'm talking from about 10pm to about 4-5 in the morning. I feel this has put an enormous strain on our marriage, even though DH doesn't think so. I've told him that I don't like him coming over and staying late because it's rude and disrespectful to me as well. I can't even relax in my own co-op because they're sitting on the couch and I can't go into the bedroom because my son is sleeping. I've told my DH and he says it's his way to relax...plus he gets touchy because he feels that it's his home too and he should be able to have people over.

I asked him to limit his playing to one night a week and he agreed but I feel like he's not going to keep his word.

I just feel hurt because he comes home from work and goes to pick up his cousin to start playing...what about spending time with your wife? Sometimes he comes home early when Jared is still up (like today) and he makes plans to go get his cousin to play. What about playing with your son? Also, his cousin, doesn't he realize that my DH has a family and maybe he wants to spend time with US!?!? Everytime my DH has a day off or he's coming home from work, he's on that cell phone and I know he's making plans to play the damn video game.

I keep telling him and I feel like a friggen broken record...now I'm just starting to b!tch at him and that's even worse.

Sorry, I just had to vent. I was going to post under another name but everyone knows that my DH is the video game freak. It would have been a dead giveaway...

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

1. i totally agree with you and all i can say is keep expressing your feelings to him. YOu have valid, real points. But i think that the one time a week deal is a nice compromise...

2. i am glad you posted this under your real name....I think it is about time that people start expressing the realities of marriage without the need for aliases....We all go through issues in our marriages. Expressing them openly makes us feel less isolated

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

I think the "one night a week" deal is a good one. there is no reason why he needs to play every night!!

I hope that he realizes that he is spending too much time playing games and not enougth with you and his son!

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Wow Stef....I am surprised your DH has been able to keep up the game playing. My DH was a Gamer too....when we were dating and without the baby. Once I got PG and she came aloong, he's lucky if he plays for an hour on a day off. HE knew before I told him that he'd hardly have time to play......


Go with the one day a week deal, see if he holds it up (I'd even go as far as marking on the calendar which day it is that he plays so you can keep track).

Why don't you leave him with Jared for a day and let him see that there really is NO time to do stuff for YOU.

You could always sabotage the game system...nick the wires or Oopss.....JAred spilled his juice on it!!

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

I totally understand your frustration. Im in a similar situation, only its with my cousin. He has joint custody and sees his kids every other weekend. But he spends the majority of the time with with his PS2. He makes plans with my husband to play. Everyone kept telling him to spend time with his kids, but he wouldnt listen. I took it upon myself to speak to my DH. Although they dont make plans anymore, my cousin still plays by himself, but not as often. Is there any way you can speak with his cousin about this? Does he even realize he's not spending time with your son?

Message edited 3/7/2006 10:43:54 AM.

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

You know he didn't play as much when Jared was younger...but then again, that damn x-box 360 came to him after Christmas...so he's been busy ever since. His cousin is totally oblivious and just thinks that everything is okay. Last night my DH went into the bedrom to change and woke up Jared...I was p!ssed! He came back into the living room and sits down to continue playing while I have to go put him back to sleep. I screamed at him in front of his cousin. I said...When do I get to relax?? You should be over there putting him to bed instead of sitting on your @ss playng video games. He ended his game playing at midnight though.

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

I think one day a week is asking too much.

Instead, he should limit his playing time per day. There is nothing wrong IMO with playing for an hour or two when he gets home.

But if he is playing till 5am every night... thats a little nuts. Does he work? I am the type of person that can be up for long hours because of DJing. But to be up till 5am every night and waking up to go to work would kill me.

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

I would say that 3x a week he picks up his cousin and plays from 9-10pm to about 3-4am. Yes he does work...he does this when he doesn't have to be in until 1 the next day.

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Can't he go to the cousins house with the game? My DH likes to play poker online but I plop Hayley on his lap if I need to do something.

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Posted by 2003fallwedding

Can't he go to the cousins house with the game? My DH likes to play poker online but I plop Hayley on his lap if I need to do something.

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Stef, I know what you mean....they are good guys in a lot of ways, but sometimes their reactions and refusals to make any changes when it's affecting your marriage will take a toll. Does he realize how serious it is to you?
He probably thinks it's "just x-box" but in the end it could winde up being so much more...

I am at a similar point with my DH on other issues and I am afraid it's going to get to a point of no return...

I hope he sticks to his promises...Good Luck

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Stefanie, I can empathize with you so much. If he isn't able to limit his game playing to 1 - 2 hrs 2 nights a week (which, if we know gamers, that is just NOT possible), I agree that the one night a week, for as long as he wants is a good compromise. I think it's very fair.

And I know why you feel that he won't hold up his end of the deal. It's like an addiction and he'll say it, and mean it, but he'll get s ucked in and he'll be back to his regular playing routine before he knows it. What amazes me is that the novelty of these games NEVER seems to wear off. You would think that getting the X-Box for Christmas he'd overdose in the beginning and be kind of done with it by now...but somehow nope! And that's the part I don't get.

I've somehow managed to get DH to not play during the week...much. If he sneaks in an hour during the week it's alot. But then comes the weekend. At first, I'm okay with it. I get the whole "I need to disconnect" thing, I do. But after the 4th hour or so I'm like... "Are you gonna get off your azz and DO ANYTHING this weekend??" It irks me so much that he wastes his entire weekend away on that computer. And heaven forbid I should try to ask him something while he's playing. It's like if he was in the middle of surgery and I interrupted him or something!

The only that I've found that works is, like everyone has said, talk talk talk to him and express how hurtful it is that he is not spending time with you and Jared. It stinks because alot of times I bite my tongue and try to respect his need to "relax" but then it just builds and builds, I blow up and I sound like a nag which I hate to do. I feel like you do, like I sound like a broken record.

The only other thing I can suggest is to make plans FOR him. Something like okay, you're playing wed night? Good. Thursday we are watching this movie I rented and making dessert together. You get the idea. DH protests when I make plans for the both of us for the weekends sometimes, but it works for getting him off the computer.

Oh, and if you happen to find a cure for this disease that our DHs have, please send it to me.

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

You girls know exactly how I feel...

His cousin lives with someone who has the x-box 360 and they have played online...which I prefer. But they love to hang out together.

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

OMG... I could of written that post myself except for the part of the friend coming over. Either my DH will play from the time he comes home from work until 2-4am or he'll go to his friend Chris' house and plays the same. We actually had the same argument last night. While he's sitting there playing the Xbox, I'm standing there asking him why isn't he playing with his son while he's awake??? It really drives me up a wall!!! I also feel the same... what about me? This has been an ongoing thing since he got the stupid thing. I feel like my son and I aren't as important to him, though in my heart I know it's not true, but he's definitely not showing it, you know! My DH has been addicted to video games since I've known him, and we've been together for 12.5 years. I really, really wish the thing would blow up or something! It really hurts me as well. He actually had the nerve to call me at work today and ask me to call Walmart to see when they're getting in a certain game? ***!!!

Oh... he won't invite them over to the house because he said I'll b@tch at him!

I truly feel that it's putting a strain on our marriage as well, of course he does not see it. He thinks I'm overreacting of course. My DH also gets so caught up in his games that he hardly does anything at home as far as chores goes. I pretty much do everything including working FT and taking care of a 26 month old!

I just wanted to post so you knew you weren't alone. I'm going through the same thing, and I feel just as bad as you do. Here are some I wish I had some advice! Oh... my DH has promised the same thing to me, and guess what...

Oh.... and last Monday he went to his friends house by 4:00pm (what about work? ) and didn't get home until 2:30am!!! I was sooo mad because he lied to me. He first asked me if I would mind that he go to his house, and that he was going earlier so that he can get home earlier so of course, said no. Well, 10:30pm rolls around and he's still not home. I call his cell and he said he'll be home soon. Well, he comes walking in the door at 2:30am! He was there playing the same game for 10.5 hours. I'm sorry, but to me that's sad! I've told him numerous times that he needs to grow up. He's almost 30 yrs old and has a family now.

Anyway... if you need to chat, FM me!!!

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Posted by CaidensMommy

OMG... I could of written that post myself except for the part of the friend coming over. Either my DH will play from the time he comes home from work until 2-4am or he'll go to his friend Chris' house and plays the same. We actually had the same argument last night. While he's sitting there playing the Xbox, I'm standing there asking him why isn't he playing with his son while he's awake??? It really drives me up a wall!!! I also feel the same... what about me? This has been an ongoing thing since he got the stupid thing. I feel like my son and I aren't as important to him, though in my heart I know it's not true, but he's definitely not showing it, you know! My DH has been addicted to video games since I've known him, and we've been together for 12.5 years. I really, really wish the thing would blow up or something! It really hurts me as well. He actually had the nerve to call me at work today and ask me to call Walmart to see when they're getting in a certain game? ***!!!

Oh... he won't invite them over to the house because he said I'll b@tch at him!

I truly feel that it's putting a strain on our marriage as well, of course he does not see it. He thinks I'm overreacting of course. My DH also gets so caught up in his games that he hardly does anything at home as far as chores goes. I pretty much do everything including working FT and taking care of a 26 month old!

I just wanted to post so you knew you weren't alone. I'm going through the same thing, and I feel just as bad as you do. Here are some I wish I had some advice! Oh... my DH has promised the same thing to me, and guess what...

Oh.... and last Monday he went to his friends house by 4:00pm (what about work? ) and didn't get home until 2:30am!!! I was sooo mad because he lied to me. He first asked me if I would mind that he go to his house, and that he was going earlier so that he can get home earlier so of course, said no. Well, 10:30pm rolls around and he's still not home. I call his cell and he said he'll be home soon. Well, he comes walking in the door at 2:30am! He was there playing the same game for 10.5 hours. I'm sorry, but to me that's sad! I've told him numerous times that he needs to grow up. He's almost 30 yrs old and has a family now.

Anyway... if you need to chat, FM me!!!

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Stef I know how you feel.

DH complains about how demanding law school is and how much reading he has to do, but then spends 4-5 hours playing on the XBox. I understand you need some downtime, but the last thing I want to hear is you complaining about falling behind on schoolwork when you were on your azz for 4 hour twiddling your fingers.

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

YOU are not alone. I go thorugh this w/ my husbnad, The minute we get home he plays his 360, it ***** and we fight about it but I don't think he will ever get over that game. Sometimes he listens & sometimes he doesn;t. All I do is close the door & hope he doesn't wake me up at night. It's a never ending thing...

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

You have a whole other dimension though - you have his cousin there and I totally understand your frustration and resentment. I agree with the other poster who said make plans for him on other nights.
I also think, as much as you may not want to - start putting more Jared responsibility on him when he's playing. If he's going to be there with his cousin playing all night -go out to dinner with a friend and make him responsible for watching Justin.
If all else fails, I would probably try to embarass him in front of the cousin!!

Message edited 5/21/2006 12:52:26 AM.

Re: I don't understand it...(long vent)

Message edited 3/7/2006 7:16:40 PM.