I feel hurt, sad, angry, and betrayed.

So my DH calls yesterday an d says we need to talk. Apparently your father an d step-mother were talking to your brother an d said they think you have post partum depression and that you pawn Emmy off on everybody. Matt(my brother) was confused and called my Mom since we're very close. She was just as upset and confused and said NO WAY! That I was fine and she doesn't know what they're talking about. I guess it stems from Facebook and me posting that Emmy was fussy last week while sick, that her other Grandparents took her on Sunday when I had the flu and couldn't hold her without throwing up, and the fact that we asked them to babysit her so we could go on a date 2wks ago. I am so hurt. 1st of all.....I am ALWAYS with my daughter unless i'm at work and I work 24hr shifts so I can be home with her more. I only work 6 days a month! 2nd....THEY could not stop talking about they couldn't wait to have a gc they could see. So I let them. WHENEVER they want. I guess asking Judy to watch her for 2hrs so I could go grocery shopping was "pawning her off". She ASKED ME to spend time with her. 3rd.....if they REALLY thought I had ppd why would they not call us? This is NOT a joke to me and REALLY pissses me off that they talked to their friends about this and not us. We're not supposed to know any of this so i'm not talking to them about it, but Joe and I decided they are done. If they want to see Emmy they can call and scehd a time to visit. No babysitting, no overnight visits like they want, no popping in to say hi, and I deleted the last 3months of all status posts on fb. I just can't believe this. They are questioning my mental health and my parenting/bonding with my child. I don't know how i'll ever look at them the same again and it kills me. My dad was always my hero, and now...now I feel so betrayed and hurt. WWYD?

Re: I feel hurt, sad, angry, and betrayed.

While I don't agree with them discussing it with other people, I think that if you have a good relationship with them, they were most likely concerned out of love. I do hate that they got most of their "information" from Facebook though - like that's a reliable measure of someone's mental health

Is it possible they were afraid of your reaction (denial, etc.) if they brought it up with you directly? I'm not excusing their behavior, just trying to understand it.

Re: I feel hurt, sad, angry, and betrayed.

I am sorry, I wish I had words of advice, But I would feel pretty hurt in this situation too...i would want them to come to me directly.

Re: I feel hurt, sad, angry, and betrayed.

I don't know your family or you, so it is hard to say. If I found something like this out, I would first take a long hard look at things and how I am doing. I think we all go through some baby blues and an adjustment period. Some have a more difficult time and PPD is very real and not something you can control.

I would sit down and talk with my family about their concerns. If you do have PPD, talking about you behind your back isn't going to make things any better. I would assume they said something out of concern and if they want to help you, talking to you about things and helping you work past it is a much better approach. Sorry for the crappy way they are handling things.

Re: I feel hurt, sad, angry, and betrayed.

I have no idea what prompted ANY of this! You would think they would talk to me since Judy can't keep her yapper shut about anything, but I guess my brother was told not to tell anybody I just don't get it. I guess i'm never smiling in the pics of her and I so they're worried. I have exactly 3 pics of us up. 1 i'm smiling, the 2nd is our 1st night home, and the 3rd was last week when we were all sick so in both those pics i'm EXHAUSTED! They are big into drama, but I have never delt with them bringing it on me until now. I just don't get it. They know me and know I would be open to listening to them and hearing them out. I'm the peace maker of the family and ALWAYS listen to both sides. I just don't understand why my FATHER would go by fb and not call me? I'm just stunned

Re: I feel hurt, sad, angry, and betrayed.

Posted by LoriH

I don't know your family or you, so it is hard to say. If I found something like this out, I would first take a long hard look at things and how I am doing. I think we all go through some baby blues and an adjustment period. Some have a more difficult time and PPD is very real and not something you can control.

I would sit down and talk with my family about their concerns. If you do have PPD, talking about you behind your back isn't going to make things any better. I would assume they said something out of concern and if they want to help you, talking to you about things and helping you work past it is a much better approach. Sorry for the crappy way they are handling things.

Re: I feel hurt, sad, angry, and betrayed.

I give you credit for keeping your cool. I would have been on the phone to them so quick. I hate people talking behind my back. Especially about important issues. I know you don't want to put your brother in the middle but they did already. I would discus you concerns with them, defriend them on fb and tell them not to worry you will never "pawn" your child off on them ever again. Their babysitting services will no longer be needed and that they please schedule visits in the future.
Never feel guilty for taking time for yourself. If you don't you will get burned out

Re: I feel hurt, sad, angry, and betrayed.

I am so sorry I have no advice but I would be pretty hurt myself!

Re: I feel hurt, sad, angry, and betrayed.

I am really sorry. I give you credit for not confronting them. They should have come to you beause this is a serious subject! You are doing an amazing job. Just the fact that you are breats feeding says a lot bc thats a closeness and it reflects that you are putting a lot of time and energy into whats best for her.

(not to say there is anything wrong if you dont BF) but i read when you have PPD you dont usually BF!

Re: I feel hurt, sad, angry, and betrayed.

I could see being upset about it but realize that it does come from a loving place- albeit misguided.

The beginning is overwhelming & exhausting for everyone. I would think most people with PPD don't recognize it in themselves (NOT SAYING YOU HAVE PPD HERE), so I could see their hestitation to throw something like that out there to you without speaking to family. They may have run it by your mom to see what her thoughts are if they are second guessing themselves. If she had concerns as well, then I would assume they'd address it with you as a family. I wouldn't fault them for watching out for it - ESPECIALLY after you specifically asked them to be on the look out for it.

Also while I have no experience with PPD, having a new mom go out for a mani/pedi sort of says to me that she isn't that depressed. But maybe I picture depression differently.

edited to add:
While this wasn't a WWYD question, maybe you should call them up & ask them to come by to address it rather than cutting them off. Being cut off from a family member I was concerned with PPD, would be a huge red flag.

Message edited 4/2/2010 10:52:52 AM.