I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

DD is 2 mths old, and I just feel so lost some days. Am I doing enough tummy time? Am I addressing her gas and reflux issues correctly? Am I doing enough to keep her entertained? Am I doing enough regarding keeping her from getting a flat head? I am so confused, what are you supposed to do with a newborn all day? I am esp worried about her developing a flat head, yet with her reflux, it's hard to address that combined with the reflux.Also, I feel guilty when she is awake (and quiet, not crying) but I am doing something else (like be on the computer) or anything that she can't "see" me but I can't possibly take her into every room with me.

I don't even know what I am saying, just wondering what you ladies do with your babies all day? How long are they held, laying down, sitting up, in a swing, in a bouncy, etc? Can anyone tell me what their day was like with their 2 mth old, how long they did this or that? DD could sit in the swing all day, she loves it, but I just don't feel right about that.I want to do all the right things. Am I? I just don't know!

Message edited 3/25/2010 10:40:55 PM.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Posted by Goobster

DD is 2 mths old, and I just feel so lost some days. Am I doing enough tummy time? Am I addressing her gas and reflux issues correctly? Am I doing enough to keep her entertained? Am I doing enough regarding keeping her from getting a flat head?

I am so confused, what are you supposed to do with a newborn all day? I am esp worried about her developing a flat head, yet with her reflux, it's hard to address that combined with the reflux.

I don't even know what I am saying, just wondering what you ladies do with your babies all day? How long are they held, laying down, sitting up, in a swing, in a bouncy, etc etc? Can anyone tell me what their day was like with their 2 mth old, how long they did this or that? DD could sit in the swing all day, she loves it, but I just don't feel right about that.I want to do all the right things. Am I? I just don't know!

Re: Moms of newborns...I feel like I am not doing the right thing

I had the same issue, DS had really bad reflux so he sat in his carseat all the time. his head was always turned to the right and started getting a small flat spot. I freaked!!! the doc mentioned it to me, and said to do more tummy time. yea right! DS hates tummy time. So I bought the noggin nest and put that in his swing. I also made him take naps on it when he would lay down.
When I fed him, I always had him on my left arm, which again, he was turning right toward me, so I switched arms. as long as you are aware, move him around in his crib different positions, try and use the noggin nest. during the day I also tried to keep him sitting up as much as I could . now he is 4 months and has the most round perfect little head

oh I never did much with him during the day because he was always crying. we spent most of our day consoling him, or just carrying him while he slept.


he screams and talks and laughes , he is such a little character. I felt guilty bc he woudl cry during book time, cry during bath , always crying. I felt like he was going to be way behind other kids, but things have totaly worked out , don't worry!!

Message edited 1/22/2009 3:58:20 PM.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Posted by pickles16

Posted by Goobster

DD is 2 mths old, and I just feel so lost some days. Am I doing enough tummy time? Am I addressing her gas and reflux issues correctly? Am I doing enough to keep her entertained? Am I doing enough regarding keeping her from getting a flat head?

I am so confused, what are you supposed to do with a newborn all day? I am esp worried about her developing a flat head, yet with her reflux, it's hard to address that combined with the reflux.

I don't even know what I am saying, just wondering what you ladies do with your babies all day? How long are they held, laying down, sitting up, in a swing, in a bouncy, etc etc? Can anyone tell me what their day was like with their 2 mth old, how long they did this or that? DD could sit in the swing all day, she loves it, but I just don't feel right about that.I want to do all the right things. Am I? I just don't know!

I totally feel like this too, I feel like I'm not stimulating her enough AT ALL!!!! My DD is a month and I feel like I should be doing more than I am with her!!!

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Breath...am i sure you are doing great. it is just a little overwhelming at first especially since at 2 months they don't do anything but eat, sleep and poopy. if you want to avoid a flat head my ped recommended that we shift my girls heads in either direction when sleeping. honestly i held my baby a lot, people told me that i would spoil her but that wasnt true, my 6 month old loves to sleep in her crib and goes to sleep without me having to hold her. your motherly insticts are there don't doubt them, i know you will do great !

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

You are doing the right things!

I would put my baby in the swing and he would sleep for 2-3 hours. Then he would wake up and I would feed him.

Don't worry about a flat head. I have DS on his back all the time and he's yet to have developed a flat head. Keep the bottle at a 45 degree angle and her head slightly elevated. Stop every 2 ounces to burp and your baby shouldn't suffer to much gas at all. All babies get some gas and reflux, its totally normal, their digestive tracts aren't developed yet. You can play some soft music and talk to the baby. Babies also like to look at people's faces and bright colors. My baby loved his swing as a newborn. Spent hours in it.

You'll be surprised at how quickly your baby will grow!!

Message edited 1/22/2009 3:58:46 PM.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Im pretty sure your doing exactly the right thing with your newborn!! We all go through the second guessing on ourselves and all go through the feeling of not feeling like we are doing the exact right thing.. its normal. The reassurance for me was when ever I brought my dd to the doc for monthly check up and heard the doctor say.. "baby is doing great".

My dd hated tummy time, i did what i could.. which meant short interval of time on tummy. I figured as long as I tried what else can i do? My dd does have a flat spot at 16m but doctor said not to worry about it. Im sure if it was really bad, they would have had me put a helmet on her. Shes now a perfect little 16m old, the joy of my life.

DD slept alot but when she was awake I tried to interact with her.. by showing her random objects around the house, we did matt time, swing, bounce chair.. etc.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Posted by krissy888

I had the same issue, DS had really bad reflux so he sat in his carseat all the time. his head was always turned to the right and started getting a small flat spot. I freaked!!! the doc mentioned it to me, and said to do more tummy time. yea right! DS hates tummy time. So I bought the noggin nest and put that in his swing. I also made him take naps on it when he would lay down.
When I fed him, I always had him on my left arm, which again, he was turning right toward me, so I switched arms. as long as you are aware, move him around in his crib different positions, try and use the noggin nest. during the day I also tried to keep him sitting up as much as I could . now he is 4 months and has the most round perfect little head

oh I never did much with him during the day because he was always crying. we spent most of our day consoling him, or just carrying him while he slept.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Posted by iwed2005


Breath...am i sure you are doing great. it is just a little overwhelming at first especially since at 2 months they don't do anything but eat, sleep and poopy. if you want to avoid a flat head my ped recommended that we shift my girls heads in either direction when sleeping. honestly i held my baby a lot, people told me that i would spoil her but that wasnt true, my 6 month old loves to sleep in her crib and goes to sleep without me having to hold her. your motherly insticts are there don't doubt them, i know you will do great !

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

First off, it sounds like you are doing a great job and exactly what you are supposed to be doing.

Go get the Noggin Nest from BRU - that helps with flathead. Also, like a pp mentioned - keep switching arms when feeing her. You can also rotate the way she sleeps at night if flathead is a concern - this is what my ped recommended. We would face him one way one week - then face him another way the next week. No child ever likes tummy time in the beginning. Once my DS started to get the onset of flathead I was obsessed with tummytime. They make this surfmat that has a little Boppy to go under their chest (I believe Boppy makes it) - he liked this one the best. I also got one of the mirror toys to place in front of his face. They love staring at themselves.

I have no advice on the reflux sorry! But, don't feel guilty about having time for yourself. You need a break once in awhile too - and you are teaching your DD that you are still around - but don't need to be on top of her all day long. I believe that really is important also. I was never one to smother my son!

We all get overwhelmed from time to time and wonder if we are doing the right thing for our children. You are!

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

have you tried holding her in a sling or the ones that go in front? am sorry am not much help idon't know much about reflux but i think maybe i would battle that before i would worry about a flat head.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

I am sure you're doing fine. Your baby is happy and healthy and alive so you're doing great!! If you're not sure what to do with them all day Gymboree makes this book called "Baby Play" which I thought was great. Lots of different activities in there to stimulate, strengthen, and entertain them. We were worried about a flat head too so we got Emerson the Noggin Nest from Boppy. It's worked great, especially since she sleeps almost 12 hrs at night now. Her head is perfect although she has a strange little balding pattern from it but that will correct itself. Anyway, don't worry so much. You're doing great!!!

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Posted by Diana1215

First off, it sounds like you are doing a great job and exactly what you are supposed to be doing.

Go get the Noggin Nest from BRU - that helps with flathead. Also, like a pp mentioned - keep switching arms when feeing her. You can also rotate the way she sleeps at night if flathead is a concern - this is what my ped recommended. We would face him one way one week - then face him another way the next week. No child ever likes tummy time in the beginning. Once my DS started to get the onset of flathead I was obsessed with tummytime. They make this surfmat that has a little Boppy to go under their chest (I believe Boppy makes it) - he liked this one the best. I also got one of the mirror toys to place in front of his face. They love staring at themselves.

I have no advice on the reflux sorry! But, don't feel guilty about having time for yourself. You need a break once in awhile too - and you are teaching your DD that you are still around - but don't need to be on top of her all day long. I believe that really is important also. I was never one to smother my son!

We all get overwhelmed from time to time and wonder if we are doing the right thing for our children. You are!

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Thank you all, you all have such great suggestions. I really appreciate the kind words and advice. I am going to try ALL of your suggestions. I would be LOST without you all.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Its so wonderful to see another new mom write about similar concerns that I'm having. I've had such a tough week and some days worry that I'm not cut out for this! Then some days are great! But mostly I just feel totally clueless.

My ds is colicky and very gassy and pretty much likes to always be on the move which means I spend a lot of time carrying him around. He hates the swing and bouncy seat so I too worry that he's understimulated. He loathes tummy time so I can only torture him so much. I talk to him all day, sing songs, read books, and show him toys even though he's not really interested - at least I feel like I am doing something.

I just wanted to let you know I know exactly how you feel and hope it gets better for us as we figure out what we're doing. But I do know you are not a bad mother! A bad mother would not be worried about these things! You're doing great!

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

I actually have a magazine that I picked up in the ped office. It tells you things to "play" with your baby accorging to months. Let me know if you ever want to borrow it Long and short, it says make frequent eye contact, sing, read, show high contrast toys, try moving toys to help get her to follow. They also don't have a long attention span. Only a few minutes. Touch is very important, too. Massage, tickle, head rub. You are doing great!

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Hi I posted earlier but didn't realize the reflux was that bad.

Are you on formula or BF? We found that Gentlease has worked very well for our baby. He was on Similac Advanced for a while and was so uncomfortable at night -- he would groan all night. On Gentlease he spits up a lot more but he's also alot more comfortable. He also refused to sleep in his bassinet for a while. It was too flat. We bought the co-sleeper so he could sleep in our bed and it came with a piece to elevate the baby. I took that piece out and put it in the bassinet underneath the mattress. It helped baby to go to sleep so much.

It might also help if you keep your daughter sitting up for fifteen minutes after she eats. I have the Bumbo seat for that. I love it!

Other activities you can with baby:

I do tummy time for 2-3 minutes on the bed not the floor. At two months, Aiden liked to listen to his mobile in the crib. I also would show him pictures in storybooks and tell him about them.

At two months, I started searching for nursery rhymes and seseme street on YouTube. Baby loves listening to Andrea Bocelli singing to Elmo.

Hang in there!

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Sometimes I wish babies came with instruction manuals! It's overwhelming at first, but it gets better each and every day! As for the flat head, I noticed DS was developing one early on and he despised tummy time. As PP mentioned, I used the Noggin Nest for a while. Our pediatrician wasn't concerned and said it would round out more once he learned to sit upright. He was right- at 9 months his head is pretty round

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

I'll meet you at BRU and afterward we can go and get many drinks...theres my advice.
But really..I feel the same way and my DD is 2 months also. I forced myself to get out today, put her in the stroller, put the dogs on a leash, walked 3 houses down and turned around because it was FRIGGIN COLD. Ive run out of things to do as well...I put her in the einstein mat, the swing, the bouncer. Hate to say it but this little one loves the plasma tv. Most expensive toy we own, but it works right now so I dont feel too guilty. She gets bored of my singing and rocking really quick, so I pop her in anything she likes.
I doubt everything I do, and her feeding/naptime/daycare crisis consumes my every waking hour. I think we really just need to get out. Winter babies are really hard.
PS: im looking for this noggin nest thing on the BRU website. I cant find it. Can someone post a pic?

Message edited 1/22/2009 4:39:03 PM.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Posted by Goobster

Posted by krissy888

I had the same issue, DS had really bad reflux so he sat in his carseat all the time. his head was always turned to the right and started getting a small flat spot. I freaked!!! the doc mentioned it to me, and said to do more tummy time. yea right! DS hates tummy time. So I bought the noggin nest and put that in his swing. I also made him take naps on it when he would lay down.
When I fed him, I always had him on my left arm, which again, he was turning right toward me, so I switched arms. as long as you are aware, move him around in his crib different positions, try and use the noggin nest. during the day I also tried to keep him sitting up as much as I could . now he is 4 months and has the most round perfect little head

oh I never did much with him during the day because he was always crying. we spent most of our day consoling him, or just carrying him while he slept.

What is the noggin nest? You clearly understnad what I am saying. The reflux is realy throwing a wrench into the routine I would like to have....some days i just struggle to keep her from spitting up and don't know which battle to conquer (reflux, flat head, being with me vs being left in a swing, bouncy, etc).

Problem is she is barely in the crib or laying down b/c she really is very uncomfortable laying down, plus she has an issue with turnign her head to ONE side. So I have that to think about as well. Even if I keep rotating her head to the opposite side, she moves it back.

That's why I feel like I am at such a loss with knowing what to do anymore.

Message edited 1/22/2009 4:39:55 PM.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

I am afraid of the flat head thing too, especially with DS because he always turns his head to the right. I want to get that noggin nest thing, I will try to make a trip out to bru this weekend.

When they are awake, I try to play with them as much as I can with three week olds. I hold them in a sitting position, so their heads are not resting on anything. I talk to them, bounce them up and down, just let them look around etc. They also like the play mat - it has a puppy that has a mirror and lights up and play music, they stare at that for a long time.
I have the boppy tummy mats, but I haven't broken them out yet. When are you supposed to start with tummy time?

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

its natural to feel overwhelmed and worried. i think we've all been there in some way. you are doing a great job. my dd had major reflux too and it was REALLY rough on me. its awful to see your baby so uncomfy.

She hated the swing and bouncy and we had to put a wedge under mattress in both bassinett and crib or she'd scream. it was like having a colicky baby. it did go away. she hated tummy time too - i'm sure due to the reflux. we held her alot and kept her as upright as often as we could. The GI specialist pointed out that a swing or sling where her legs could hang straight might be more comfy than the bouncy/swing when she was very little because of the legs being bent toward her belly... dont know if this makes sense? hang in there and feel free to fm with any questions!

eta: did you ask your ped about going to a GI specialist? ours had us add rice cereal to her bottle because she was spitting up so much she wasnt gaining weight at first.

Message edited 1/22/2009 4:57:36 PM.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

Message edited 1/22/2009 4:57:24 PM.

Re: I feel like I am not doing the right thing with my newborn

You are doing great! My DS had reflux too- and he favored one side. The ped said they were related and referred him to a PT. Turns out he had mild torticollis.

This was easily rectified by doing some stretching exercises with the therapist once a week, then some at home in between sessions. His reflux issues resolved themselves by 5 months-.

FM if you have any questions or need more information.