I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

Some of you might know that we had to let our nanny go this past Monday. Very long story. But we learned a lot about what we're NOT looking for in a nanny by employing her.

My mom watched the kids for us this past week, but it's really important to us that my mom is just "grandma" and not their caregiver. She wants to be able to spoil them rotten, not be disciplining them all day, and I can totally respect that.

So, we were left in the lurch and needed to find a new childcare situation ASAP, preferably to being early next week.

The daycare that we send DD to would have been $1650 per month for both of our kids and by NC teacher salary standards, I wouldn't be taking home very much. So, as much as we love that place, it's off the table.

Next, a colleague of mine recommended her daycare provider. Her two kids go to this lady at her house and they absolutely LOVE her. We met with her twice this week. She seems great. DD and DS would be children 4 and 5 for her, and that's the max. she's allowed to have. She also has 4 teenage daughters that love to play with the kids. The scenario is very affordable, and we'd still be able to send DD to her daycare 2 days per week, which is important to us. We want her to have some continued exposure to a semi-academic environment (FTR, she's only 22 months, but we feel she's learning a lot there and SHE loves it).

Then, there's this scenario:

My principal knew that I was looking for someone, and she said she had a lead for me...that this girl loves children, has been working in a prestigious daycare for the last 2 years and is currently looking for a nanny position. So, we interviewed her today. She seems AMAZING, and is able to work for the same salary that we were paying our last nanny. A no-brainer, right? A few things I need to note here:

1. This girl is not just an acquaintance or family friend of my principal. She's the girlfriend of my principal's son.

2. (and I could wring my principal's neck for this one...)...she's 13 weeks pregnant with her first child! Hello?!?! Why are you recommending me someone who can't watch my children through the end of the school year???? I have half a mind to go into her office on Monday and say, "So, are you letting me begin my summer vacation at the beginning of May?" (My principal is very easy-going, so I know she'd laugh). But in reality, I couldn't believe she recommended this girl, knowing full well that she's going to be giving birth before the end of the school year.

The position I'm in now is...the girl we interviewed today seems truly amazing. We would hire her on the spot, even though there's a big cost difference involved. But now I'm thinking, I don't think we CAN hire her because we need someone long-term. And we discussed this with her, the fact that our DD started getting attached to her last nanny, and we don't want to have to keep changing things up on her.

She's young (22) and seems to believe that she'll be able to return to work for us within 2 weeks of giving birth. I tried to tell her she was wrong on that one...

So...which scenario would you go with? The in-home daycare (more cost-effective, more of a "sure thing", less 1:1 attention) or the pregnant nanny (more 1:1 attention, help w/ the kids' laundry, tidying up, but also more money)?

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

That's tough. I don't know how I feel about the in home day care b/c of the teenage girls. What do you know about them? Do their friends come to the house? Do they have boyfriends that come to the house? Things like that.
I guess I don't like how unrestricted an in home daycare can be.
I'd almost rather deal with the hassle of the other nanny having her baby. Maybe your mom can help to the end of the school year or until the nanny comes back.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I agree with what the above poster said. Maybe you can hire the pregnant girl then once march april comes you can look for someone else. Hope what ever you choose works out for you.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

Out of those two scenerios I would without a doubt go with the in home. To hire the gilrlfriend of your bosses son is soooooo not a good idea. Forget about the fact that she's 22...pregnant and thinks she's returning to work in 2 weeks. Who's watching her baby? I just think mixing your home life with your bosses family spells disaster in the end.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

What the saying? Don't s*it where you eat? I think it could be a very bad idea to mix your professional and personal life.

I think I would do the in-home daycare if I couldn't swing the center.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I would go with the inhome daycare.

The nany option is tough - if she has a difficult pregnancy, you may be left in a lurch sooner than you think (this happened to my friend when her nanny became pregnant).

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

If it were my situation...I would pick the daycare over the nanny in this case.

There are a few reasons but overall...I don't like to mix business with personal. I don't work with family to do things and I wouldn't hire my boss' daughter. The potential for a problem...and that problem snowballing...is too great for my taste.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I personally would go with the in-home daycare.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I totally agree about the closeness of this relationship w/ the nanny. When my principal told me she had a lead, I was excited. She never told me that this is essentially her daughter-in-law (though this girl and her son are not married).

I would be a LITTLE more hesitant about the in-home daycare if my friend Judy didn't send her two boys there. We were there when Judy picked them up last night, and we watched both of them cry and cry because they didn't want to leave!

We went back yesterday because we wanted to see how Ryleigh would react. The first time we went, she didn't want to go in the house. Yesterday, she walked right in, said hi to the other kids, and started playing. It seemed that she felt a lot more comfortable.

I hate this situation. It's probably the most difficult decision we've had to make so far.

Ugh. I'd like to hear some more opinions and reasons you feel that way, so please keep 'em coming!

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

Taking the connection to your boss out of the equation, who would you choose?

If I were in your position, I would choose the in-home daycare. While I can understand the appeal of hiring the other girl as a nanny, I just don't see why you should put the stress on yourself about needing to find someone else again in April.

Also consider the stability for your children of being with the same person or people. The in-home providers sounds like she's the better choice to me. JMHO.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I would use the in home daycare. I like the idea of the kids being around other kids.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I would and did pick an in-home daycare with a situation much like yours. My provider has a teenage son and daughter, a sixth grader and a fifth grader (boys). My provider also drives my dd. When my dd first started there at 12 months I was so paranoid that I did a background check on her and her husband (don't ask how) and checked both licenses. It was scary at first I will not lie. But I was luck I was working part-time and could drop in when ever. While walking to the door I I could see what fun they were having. On days when I would come home late (3:30 I am also a teacher ) I would find my daughter sitting around the table with sometimes ten or twelve other people (provider's parent, 2 nieces and even aunt like to visit sometimes. ) They were laughing and talking with the little ones. It really was quite impressive. As time went on and my daughter began to talk I realized that she had a whole other family that she also loved. She had aunt so and so and pop pop at my providers home. And they all played with the girls and gave them attention. When my providers two oldest children went off to college, my daughter was sad. When the summer comes my daughter often asks for my provider and her friends. I could have been upset but I have chosen to embrace this second family for her. I see it has helped her personality so much. She is so outgoing with children and adults now.

That is just my story and yes it could have turned out differently. If I thought my provider and her family were not attending to my dd I would be out of there.\

My daughter is three now and still having an awesome time!


Good luck with your decision.

Message edited 10/30/2010 9:01:46 AM.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I'd go with the in-home daycare. If the teenage girls are a concern, ask about their access and the access of others to the kids. You have a right to know who is going to be interacting with them.

I just don't think that the other girl is a viable option. She is going to be needing a lot of time for herself during her pregnancy for doctors visits, etc, and the attachment issue you mentioned with your daughter is definitely of concern. And, I personally would not feel comfortable with the connection to your principal.

GL!

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I personally would opt for the in-home daycare situation....

It would really stink to have to be put in a pickle again come May when her baby is due and you never know what she will decide once the baby comes as far as returning to the work force...Also, pre-natal appts, how she ends up feeling in the later part of her pregnancy etc...

Also, if the in-home provider is licensed (not sure if you said if she was) , I know we (here in NY) are required to follow some what of a curriculum so you may be surprised that your DD is not only gaining from the social aspect on the days she's there, but may be learning as well...It will also be a tax write off ( not sure how that works with a nanny)..

Best of luck in whatever you decide


ETA- If she is licensed everyone in the home over the age of 187 must have a background check done and all have medical release forms on file as well as TB tests done ( this is for NY, but I'm sure this is somewhat standard nation wide)

Message edited 10/30/2010 9:12:43 AM.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I am crazy
The 4 daughters I see as a plus...but did you meet inhome's men of the house?
When I was interviewing for my old nanny job, I made sure Leo was there throughout the process so the parents could see exactly who was going to be in the house with their baby.

good luck!

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I can see I'm in the minority and that's fine. I've never had to use daycare so it's probably easier for me to say what I would prefer because I can make that ideal assumption.

If you do go with an in home daycare I would do a background check and set some serious ground rules. It's great that your friend's children are happy but an in home daycare is not a daycare center. It is not regulated the same. Family members and friends can come and go as these please leaving many people coming into contact with your children that you may or may not know. Call me a pessimist but I don't like that idea. I don't want strange people (adults or teenagers) with my children. I would want to be clear with this woman that she was the provider that she was to take care of my children. Not her teenagers. She should change them, put them to bed, etc. I would want it to be clear that they should not be left alone with her children and their friends. Things like that.

I've just seen and heard too much that I am very careful about who watches my children. I only mean this to be helpful, I hope it comes across that way.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

If it were me, I would hire the pregnant girl for nothing else but to give myself more time to make a decision since you are kind of in a lurch right now where you need someone ASAP. I would tell the pregnant girl when I offered the position that it would be temporary since you did obviously need someone FT during the school year and let her decide from there. This way, you are not rushing to find someone and you can really take the time and make sure the next nanny is perfect for your family!

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I'd go with the in-home daycare.

#1....ITA, dont eat where you sh*t.

#2...If preggo girl has to stop working earlier than expected, you're back to square 1 and NO WAY is she returning to work after 2 weeks. And when she does, it'll be with her newborn as well on limited sleep.

#3....I'd fear that if you did go with preggo girl and then want to switch to in-home after, you may lose out if she takes on another kid since your 2 kids meets her limit.

It seems to me that your daughter already feels comfortable there. Kids are so resilient. If you decide later that it was a mistake, you could always switch. She's already shown that she can handle it

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

I would do the in-home daycare. I read your other post. Your other nanny was young and had a child, why let history potentially repeat itself? As a mom, you know how much your life changed after having a child including likely your priorities. A 22 yr old who thinks she can return to work after 2 weeks of having her own child is a big red flag about how unrealistic she is about the responsibility of caring for a child.

Re: I know only *I* can make this decision, but I'm hoping you guys can give me your take on it. (pretty long)

If I had to make the same decision....as much as like my child being the only one cared for.....with the choices YOU have I would choose the in home day care.

A pregnant nanny? That means you need someone else in a few months again? Not worth it!

The kids will have plenty of interaction with other kids. Your friends kids go there so that's an extra set of eyes!