I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

but I just really need to vent...

OK- so my good friend gets preg. after dating her BF for 5 months.... they decide to get married....

Her BF has never offically purposed- and only talks about the wedding as a way to make money ( like how he expects to make this much off of this one- and wants this much from her parents, his parents etc...) - OK not my business- I guess- but it still bugs me...

So they throw together this wedding in less than 2 months- what was supposed to be something small and simple has now become a huge event- ok-FINE!

1 week before the bridal shower- she takes us to get our dresses- (the bridal shower that she demanded to have) SO basically she had us laying out money for a dress, party and gift all in the same week...

The day after her shower- she calls me saying the wedding is off... blah blah blah-

I guess now the wedding is back on- because today we all get an email about this bachlerette party she wants us to throw for her... AND she dosent want it to be just us- she wants us to take all of her friends out as well (yes- she is making a guest list)

Now- if you have been following my saga on my friend- you would have read that- she is preg. has an eating disorder- and is supposed to be on bed rest- and the Dr.'s "supposedly" were thinking of hospitalizing her...???? How the heck does she think-she is going partying in the city????? ( Which bedrest or not- If your preg.- you dont belong bump ' grinding w/ strippers in the city -IMO)


Now- her wedding is 3.5 weeks away- Davids Bridal- wont even do our alterations since- its such short notice... so we are trying to find a seamstress- and she is saying that w/in the next 3 weekends we need to plan this trip...

Now- 1st off- I have prior engagements everyweekend for the rest of this month... things I knew in advance about

2ndly- I have a baby- I cant just drop everything at the last minute and go into the city

3rdly- $$$ is an issue here-

I just dont see how its fair to expect 3 girls (2 are paying for their own wedding. and me who has a baby to pay for, and is trying to buy a house) to pay for- a dress-a bridal party-gifts- alterations- a bachelerotte party- hair and nails for her wedding (yes she wants us all to match)- weddings gifts etc... all in a matter of 4 weeks....???

When she asked us to be apart of the BP is was that she was only have a small wedding- thats it! She wanted none of this!

Meanwhile- some days shes cancelling the wedding and other days she isnt....

I just find it sooo rude...

For all of these things in my life- she showed up w/o so much as a card... then when Ryan was born- she didnt come see me or him in the hospital- never called, and actually we didnt even see her face until he was 3.5 months old!!!! Seriously- I have forgiven her- BUT- how could you ask all this of me, in less than 1 month....?????


Im just really aggravated... and am thinking of withdrawing from the BP- Thats if the wedding is still going on....


I need to vent- I mean am I totally out of line???



(Ohhh yea- her baby shower is in October )

Message edited 8/10/2006 2:23:15 PM.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

I think you should back out of the wedding party.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

I would not be in the weddnig party. This is all ridiuclous. It is way too much.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

I def. think it is a lot to ask in such a short amount of time-I would write her an email and explain that to her.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

I would tell her you would love to be in the wedding but as far as the bachelorette and hair, nails etc, you have to decline. If she cant understand, then tell her you will need to drop out.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Those demands are unreasonable.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

You aren't out of line at all. Being in a BP is a big expense and frankly, one that I wouldn't want to lump together in a few short weeks!!

You need to tell her that she is being a little unreasonable and that she can have a Bach party, but it needs to be discreet and low cost, or you can't be a part of it.

As for everything matching, tell her you will go to your own place or do your own hair and nails, because you have other obligations and finances are a big factor for you right now. And with her being a mom to be, she should learn to understand that.

If you need a good seamstress, I have a great one in Franklin Square if you need her.

If she is still being unreasonable (and no, you aren't) then tell her it is just too much for you to take on right now and you're sorry, but you will have to withdraw from being a BM in her BP.

Good Luck!

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

I wanna add-

I dont think she should give things up- just because shes preg.-

But then you have to be a little more reasonable with the time frame,,,


The Bridal shower invited went out 1 week before the shower, and 2 days later a wedding invitation arrived....

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Can you tell her that you'd still love to be in her bridal party but you cant afford all the extras - bachelorette party, hair, nails, etc?

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

I suggested having a nice dinner- and going to have mani and pedi done a few nights before the wedding- that way it was low key enough for her "bed rest" and all our nails would look nice for the wedding, and it was not too $$$$-

She veto'd my idea... and still demands Manhatten!

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

I would back out.. what if you do the shower and bachelorette party and spend all this money and then they decide that it is off again? No way! I would stay away from that situation.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

You can say no to things. You have every right, and she should be understanding. You have a baby. Plus, like others have said, does she really think she should be partying in NYC? She's being unreasonable. She expects way too much in the short timeframe she's giving you girls. You don't have to drop your pre-planned weekend events because she suddenly wants this and that. I was just a bride 2 1/2 months ago - I made sure NEVER to be demanding. Maybe her pregnancy hormones are acting up?

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

I dont think your giving yourself enough credit. Your a wonderful and patient friend to be putting up with this nonsense for so long.
I would back out of the bridal party and tell her EXACTLY why, or just dont give her an explanation at all if you still want to be her friend.

Good luck!!

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Wow, I cant believe you lasted this long, I would have been so annoyed by it all. I would drop out at this point.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Mariss - I agree with everyone. Enough is enough. She is taking advantage. I wouldnt want to be on the hook for more money than I've already laid out. Cut your losses. Tell her you can't afford it & that you'll have to step down.

Not being in someone's bridal party doesn't mean you're not their friend. It just means you can't go above & beyond at this pont in time.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

What about suggesting a post-wedding/pregnancy girls night out? It spreads out the expense a bit and can be planned properly plus she will be in a better physical condition to be out and about for an evening.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

I agree - just because she is prego doesn't mean that she shouldn't have her wedding and shower, BUT her time line is a little crazy & IMO - selfish. That's a lot of $$$ to be shelling out in such a short period of time.

One of my good friends sister's is getting married Sept 1st. She planned the wedding in less than 2 months - Her baby is due Dec 9th. She is having her wedding, a baby shower in October and then a house warming - I think after the baby arrives. We'll bring gifts of course.
No Bridal shower - No bachlorette party (although I think we may treat her to a spa day).


ETA: I don't think your a sh!tty friend - You have good reason to drop out of the BP party.

Message edited 8/10/2006 2:57:07 PM.

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend

Don't take this the wrong way or get mad at me, but I just had a thought.....sounds like she wants to lose her baby......

Re: I know you all prob think Im a sh!tty friend