I need help.....potty training related.. long

I take care of my friends 2 yr old during the day. (She will be 2 on Sat. actually). Well... Little Ella is supposedly potty trained.. per Mom. Well, to date, she has peed on my daughters floor, my dining room floor, my couch TWICE, and in her pants COUNTLESS number of times, and in the 4 weeks that she has been "100% trained", she has not once used the potty for poop. Only in her pants. She was wearing panties in the beginning, and then I asked Mom if we could use pull-ups during naps bc that seemed to be the worst time. She agreed.

Well, yesterday, she was wearing her panties and watching Dora. I ask her if she has to go potty (which I do every 30 mins), she says no, we try anyway, she doesnt pee. Not even 10 minutes later, she says 'Josie, panties wet'. I check her, and I have a HUGE wet spot on the couch and she is wet to her toes.

Accidents happen. My DD is too young to be potty trained, but i'm not an idiot. If your child is consistantly having accidents, she's not completely trained. Sometimes she will tell me, othertimes, not so much. But even when I ask her and she sits on the potty, doesnt go, and then goes in my DD's room, pulls off her panties and pees on the carpet.. umm.. NO.

SO.. Last night my friend comes to pick her up and I told her what happened and asked if I can have her in pull ups, no panties anymore, until she is more consistant with no accidents and she FREAKED. She is one of my VERY close friends and she actually had the nerve to ask me if I take her to the toilet enough. No, I enjoy having to peel the wet clothes off your child EVERY SINGLE DAY!


Then she says... 'I dont know why she has accidents here, she never does at home'.... Well, then you're a better parent than me because YOUR child still pees all over my house.

It's not like I asked to put her in diapers. I thought it would just be better so that if she does go in her pants, its in a pull up, not panties. I just dont get it. Like its my fault she's having accidents??? Like I said, my DD is only 15 mos, so I haven't had to do this yet.... but am I doing something wrong? I ask her every 30 minutes to come and try, which she does, just doesn't pee allo the time, I take her to the potty before/after naps, snacktime, etc. I just dont know...

Re: I need help.....potty training related.. long

Honestly, a child is not fully potty trained until they can go to the bathroom to void by themselves, without prompting.

This child is not potty trained. I would tell your friend that you are more then happy to continue working on training but that you can't have constant accidents and suggest she wear a pull up over her underwear.

Re: I need help.....potty training related.. long

Children often have a more difficult time with pottytraining outside the home. Alex was fully pottytrained for MONTHS at home, but was still having accidents at school.

I can understand your frustration, and your friend's - the problem is that once you start pottytraining and commit, the worst possible thing to do is to take a step backwards. But, at the same time, I would never start putting some of the burden on my child's caretaker until I really made a significant headway. I didn't start sending Alex to school in underwear until she was in underwear at home for several weeks.

I would have a more in-depth conversation with your friend about how exactly she went about pottytraining her daughter. Did she use a reward system? Books? Potty power DVD? Whatever system she used should be mimicked at your house. For example, the way that we started is by letting Alex watch the potty power DVD in the living room, while sitting on her potty. We also bought a few potty books to read to her, and put up a star chart in the bathroom so that every time she used the potty, she earned a star or a sticker, and with 10 she would get a small gift.

Whatever incentives they are using in their home, should also be used in your home. AND, I highly suggest that they bring her to the store to pick out her very own potty to have at your house.

Re: I need help.....potty training related.. long

I agree- your friend's DD is not potty trained. Pull-ups over the panties is a good idea, or the old fashioned plastic underwear that goes over panties. They also make training underwear that has extra padding in the crotch to absorb some of the mess when there is an accident.

If you can't get the mom on board with that, you can try having the LO sit on a rubber-backed rug (like a bathroom rug). That way if she has an accident, it won't get on your couch, carpet, etc.

When I trained DS and we were at home, I'd leave him naked from the waist-down. It seemed if he had underwear on he was more likely to have an accident. Also, if I thought he had to go, or would have to go soon, I'd put the potty whereever he was- living room, bedroom, and tell him to sit on there until the pee came.

You are in a tough spot- I can see why the mom doesn't want to use pull-ups because they are basically diapers, and I found them to make training harder. But she is asking a lot of you. Maybe you can spend some time together at your house, where you can observe exactly how she handles her DD with the potty? Maybe there is something she is doing that she doesn't even realize and isn't telling you? Or maybe her DD is not as trained as she claims, and you'd see that too.
Good Luck!!

Re: I need help.....potty training related.. long

Yeah, I'd stand firm with this one, you are not responsible for her training, of course, since she spends the time with you, you have to help, but she isn't ready.

I would tell her that she needs to wear pull ups and you will continue to ask her every 30 mins if she has to go. She is VERY young to be completely trained and I am sure in a few months time, it will be fine

Re: I need help.....potty training related.. long

Whatever incentives they are using in their home, should also be used in your home. AND, I highly suggest that they bring her to the store to pick out her very own potty to have at your house.


Thats the issue. She is VERY tall. She is also very advanced for her age, in my opinion, in other areas. So when I suggested getting a potty for my house, Mom said ' She uses the regualar toilet with a kids cover on it'. Those foam things with the handles... Ok whatever. So she has a stool next to the potty and when she is home, she goes into the bathroom, on her own, climbs up, and goes... apparently. #1- my bathroom door is closed AT ALL TIMES bc I have my DD who is just walking and IMO, thats a saftey issue. And I agree that children are more comfy in their home, however, when you put your child in someone else care, things will be different and she is annoyed with ME bc her daughter is having accidents. Not for nothing, but I easily could say ' Well, until she is 100% potty trained, its pull ups all day/everyday and she needs to use the little potty'. Which I havent said. Nothing close. I still want to take her to the potty, have her use the potty. The pull ups are just a back up! Why doesn't she understand that???? Getting frustrated by it...

Re: I need help.....potty training related.. long

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You are in a tough spot- I can see why the mom doesn't want to use pull-ups because they are basically diapers, and I found them to make training harder. But she is asking a lot of you. Maybe you can spend some time together at your house, where you can observe exactly how she handles her DD with the potty? Maybe there is something she is doing that she doesn't even realize and isn't telling you? Or maybe her DD is not as trained as she claims, and you'd see that too.
Good Luck!!


The pull-ups were HER idea when she first started with the accidents. I dont care, put some saran wrap on her butt for all I care. And when she peed on our daughters rug, Mom was here! This is what I dont get. It's not fair to Ella. She gets upset when she has an accident. She says ' Ella wet. Ella not big girl'. I just think it's worse to have a child having accident after accident then to have a child who wears pull ups or training panties or whatever for a little longer until she gets it. And I do think when she is home that she doesn't wear anything on her bottom half either, but i'm sorry, that's not something that she can do here. I dont think its sanitary. If it was ONE child, and MY child... ok. But having a half naked 2 yr old and a very interested in EVERYTHING 15 month old isnt going to work for me. But I appreciate your reply.... we shall see ... ugh