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MrsM
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/05 421 total posts
Name:
Amy
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I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Message edited 4/4/2007 6:27:20 AM.
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Posted 1/18/07 9:03 AM  |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Posted by MrsM
I just wish I never heard it.
No!! As much as it is stressful and upsetting now, be glad you heard it!!!! Maybe she would never physically hurt him (although Im sure before you heard this recording you would have not imagined her talking to your child like that either) but do you want your child exposed to that kind of interaction. Annoyance that he's cutting into her phone time? Her focus should be your child. Calling him names... IMO calling him a "bad boy" is calling him names. I think stuff like that only tends to escalate.
I think it's such a blessing that you heard this message, I would be thanking my lucky stars that it worked out like that before it was worse.
ETA: Im not being unsympathetic to the fact that you dont have a Plan B, I would imagine that is hard. But to leave your child in her care is insane. As far as a new Nanny, you could go the video monitor route, I know alot of parents do.
Message edited 1/18/2007 9:11:51 AM.
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| Posted 1/18/07 9:09 AM |
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Posted by MrsM
is another nanny going to be better? are we guaranteed she isn't worse???
help
I don't think there is really any way to ever know for sure what goes on when you're not there. You say that your son adores her, so I don't think she is doing anything bad enough to make him afraid or anything like that. Also, I imagine that we all lose our patience at times with the kiddies during the day. I think if you feel that this was because she was on the phone, then make it clear to her that she can not talk on the phone when she is watching him. You can keep track of phone records to be sure. I would also explain the difference in how you want your son raised and spoken to, compared to what she is used to -- if you think it is a cultural difference. You say she is wonderful and your son loves her, so I think I would try to work things out rather than have to start out brand new with somebody else. Just my opinion though.
ETA: you say she is calling him a bad boy, in a playful way, but calling him it nevertheless. I know I have played with DD and said things like "You're such a stinky girl..." I guess I'm guilty too then.
Message edited 1/18/2007 9:14:50 AM.
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| Posted 1/18/07 9:12 AM |
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Little-J-Mommy
I'm a Big Brother
Member since 5/06 8041 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Posted by pharmcat2000
Posted by MrsM
is another nanny going to be better? are we guaranteed she isn't worse???
help
I don't think there is really any way to ever know for sure what goes on when you're not there. You say that your son adores her, so I don't think she is doing anything bad enough to make him afraid or anything like that. Also, I imagine that we all lose our patience at times with the kiddies during the day. I think if you feel that this was because she was on the phone, then make it clear to her that she can not talk on the phone when she is watching him. You can keep track of phone records to be sure. I would also explain the difference in how you want your son raised and spoken to, compared to what she is used to -- if you think it is a cultural difference. You say she is wonderful and your son loves her, so I think I would try to work things out rather than have to start out brand new with somebody else. Just my opinion though.
ETA: you say she is calling him a bad boy, in a playful way, but calling him it nevertheless. I know I have played with DD and said things like "You're such a stinky girl..." I guess I'm guilty too then.
I agree with this. Don't make any rash decisions. Talk to her and lay down some more ground rules. Hope it all works out!
Message edited 1/18/2007 9:24:19 AM.
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| Posted 1/18/07 9:22 AM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Posted by pharmcat2000
Posted by MrsM
is another nanny going to be better? are we guaranteed she isn't worse???
help
I don't think there is really any way to ever know for sure what goes on when you're not there. You say that your son adores her, so I don't think she is doing anything bad enough to make him afraid or anything like that. Also, I imagine that we all lose our patience at times with the kiddies during the day. I think if you feel that this was because she was on the phone, then make it clear to her that she can not talk on the phone when she is watching him. You can keep track of phone records to be sure. I would also explain the difference in how you want your son raised and spoken to, compared to what she is used to -- if you think it is a cultural difference. You say she is wonderful and your son loves her, so I think I would try to work things out rather than have to start out brand new with somebody else. Just my opinion though.
ETA: you say she is calling him a bad boy, in a playful way, but calling him it nevertheless. I know I have played with DD and said things like "You're such a stinky girl..." I guess I'm guilty too then.
I agree with this. I think I would sit down with her, play what you heard on the machine and explain why you are so upset. She may not understand or think what she was doing was a problem. You may also want to install a surveillance system. I have one, it records throughout the day as well as giving me the ability to log in and watch and listen in real time.
I think this is definitely something that you can work out. You don't want to fire her over what may be just a misunderstanding. Plus, your son is attached to her so she is doing something right.
I have someone come in to and as good as anyone nanny can be, they just aren't you so I know where this is coming from and how hard this is for you.
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| Posted 1/18/07 9:28 AM |
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Woodsy
LIF Infant
Member since 6/05 241 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Posted by Elizabeth
Posted by MrsM
I just wish I never heard it.
No!! As much as it is stressful and upsetting now, be glad you heard it!!!! Maybe she would never physically hurt him (although Im sure before you heard this recording you would have not imagined her talking to your child like that either) but do you want your child exposed to that kind of interaction. Annoyance that he's cutting into her phone time? Her focus should be your child. Calling him names... IMO calling him a "bad boy" is calling him names. I think stuff like that only tends to escalate.
I think it's such a blessing that you heard this message, I would be thanking my lucky stars that it worked out like that before it was worse.
ETA: Im not being unsympathetic to the fact that you dont have a Plan B, I would imagine that is hard. But to leave your child in her care is insane. As far as a new Nanny, you could go the video monitor route, I know alot of parents do.
I agree with this. You are very lucky this was recorded and you found out. Honestly, I don't think there is any excuse for her talking to your son like that because he was interfering with her telephone call. You aren't paying her to chat all day with her boyfriend.
Also, I might be a bit paranoid, but I would not want to have her alone with my son after this situation. She might be resentful that you brought up firing and she might take it out on your son. Of course, this is just speculation but I would be very leery of leaving him alone with her.
Message edited 1/18/2007 10:18:12 AM.
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| Posted 1/18/07 10:17 AM |
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Natay
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/06 614 total posts
Name:
Nate
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Let me preface this by saying that I am a very overprotective mother who has only left my 7 month old with an adult caregiver twice for a few hours each. I would send the nanny on her way and get a nanny cam for the next one. In my opinion, you can never be too careful with your children.
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| Posted 1/18/07 6:11 PM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Maybe I'm paranoid or overprotective, but I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him with her anymore. She may be harmless, but I would always be worrying. It sounds like she would never harm him, but I wouldn't want anyone even saying those kinds of things to my child - especially when I'm paying her to take good care of him.
Good luck with your decision.
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| Posted 1/18/07 6:21 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
OMG! I was a past nanny so I have to say FIRE her. I have my own child now and I would be VERY upset if I heard what you mentioned. Speaking of whih I could NEVER feel comfortable leaving my child with her ever again after hearing this. I agree with the above poster. Let her be on her way and seek a new nanny.
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| Posted 1/18/07 6:56 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
I would go with my gut. You said it sounded harsh...I would let her go.
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| Posted 1/18/07 6:57 PM |
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MrsR
My love.
Member since 5/05 6247 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Posted by Janice
I would go with my gut. You said it sounded harsh...I would let her go.
I totally agree.
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| Posted 1/18/07 7:52 PM |
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beachgirl13
Mommy to 3 boys!
Member since 5/05 4114 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
I agree, you need to go with your gut. Your reaction was to get rid of her, so you should. 
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| Posted 1/18/07 8:02 PM |
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My2Boys
Love.
Member since 10/05 4796 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Posted by MrsR
Posted by Janice
I would go with my gut. You said it sounded harsh...I would let her go.
I totally agree.
ITA. Sorry you're in this situation.
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| Posted 1/18/07 8:49 PM |
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oops123
LIF Adult
Member since 8/05 2509 total posts
Name:
michelle
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
i would get rid of her. Like the others say, install a nanny cam next time. I think its unexceptable regardless of the cultural difference...if thats the case, then get someone who is of the same culture as you.
Sorry this had to happen-I know its difficult to find a good nanny....but consider it a blessing that you heard this!
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| Posted 1/18/07 9:15 PM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Posted by MrsR
Posted by Janice
I would go with my gut. You said it sounded harsh...I would let her go.
I totally agree.
I agree also. What a tough situation to be in, but like Liz said, consider it a blessing that you did hear this tape.
and keeping her on board will only let her feel that it was acceptable, forgiveable and it wasnt SO bad...
maybe it WASNT SO BAD, but in reality, she should get a huge wake up call here, making her feel like this was the WORSE thing ever. she needs a little scare.
I hope that makes sense.
but I would agree that you let her go. 
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| Posted 1/18/07 9:26 PM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
I would have to let her go...to be honest if this happened to me I think I would be wondering each time I walked out the door how she was treating my child and I just wouldnt trust her.
As someone else said if you let this slide she may take further advantage of you.
Hope you are able to get a new nanny soon.
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| Posted 1/18/07 9:38 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Whatever you do, don't keep the nanny because that's the easy option. As hard as it will be to find a new nanny, I think that's what you need to do.
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| Posted 1/18/07 9:40 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
While you should follow your gut feeling, have you ever babysit before for a nephew, etc...?
I promise you that you might surprised to hear yourself on tape.
Many times I have run for my much younger brother and raise my voice. More like a scare when I was across the room to stop him from doing something. While you are with kids you have to be with them all the time but you can't hold them all the time either.
Trust me... I would have never hurt my brother. But I do remember being frustrated once in a while and tellling him "what is wrong with you".
Ask moms around.. they will tell you they do it. It's not intentional. I think you probably reacted because it was out of context AND she is not a relative but a stranger. Of course, all moms would be appailed by the tape but they know they have done it with their kids.
And you right. You child safety should come first. Get rid of her if you don't trust her. There is no need to take a chance.
Message edited 1/18/2007 9:49:20 PM.
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| Posted 1/18/07 9:48 PM |
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avamamma
My Girl
Member since 7/06 3395 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
I am very sorry about your situation. I am going through something similar with my MIL.
I would absolutely let her go. Even if you address this particular situation, would you ever be 100% comfortable with her ever again??
Message edited 1/18/2007 10:10:46 PM.
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| Posted 1/18/07 10:10 PM |
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WhatNow
Say Cheese!
Member since 1/06 8033 total posts
Name:
A (formerly WhatNow?)
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
I can't stress the importance of a nanny cam and surveillance in general! Record, follow, tape conversations! Do anything you possibly can to protect your child!
You might think that someone is the most wonderful person in the world who is totally in love with your child but you will never know the truth till you have proof of how she is with him/her when she thinks that nobody is watching.
We hired a nanny last year to watch Benji for a few hours a day, to walk with him, cook him lunch and put him down for a nap. He was having troubles walking and she had very specific instruction to have him walk as much as possible. Lovely woman, mother of three, loves kids blah blah blah.
Anyway, of course, her third day on the job, when she should have already felt comfortable, my DH and FIL follow her on her walk with our son. Well, she takes him to a play ground, plops him in the middle of it when he proceeds to play with dust for about 8 minutes while she watches him from a bench, than puts him back in the stroller and TAKES HIM TO HER HOUSE just a few blocks away, leaves the stroller outside and takes him inside. DH calls me to tell me what's going on and I flip out! I started demanding that he goes into her house, get him immediately and scare she crap out of her!!. Thank G-d he was thinking rationally and didn't do that. Technically, there could have been a big scandal and we couldn;t risk it considering that she knows where we live and we have a small child. He just kept watching the house till she came out with him again and came to our place like nothing happened!
Of course, the byatch was fired that same day without any warning or explanation. For a few reasons that I will not go into we chose not to go into any details or even tell her that she was followed, although I would have really loved to have done that, as well as injure her badly her with my very own hands for jeopardizing my baby!
So, moral of the story: surveillance!
As for you situation, it is tougher than ours because my DH works from home and he just needed some help during a busy time of the year at his job, but you can't really just let her go on the spot, can you?
If you have anyone to watch your child while you are looking for someone else, i would recommend getting rid of that woman. Clearly, you can't trust her anymore or soo it seems from your post. At the very least, you can start looking for someone new and keep her on while you search. In the mean time, get that nanny cam!!
Message edited 1/18/2007 10:25:16 PM.
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| Posted 1/18/07 10:24 PM |
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my3bugs
Mom of 2 Boys
Member since 5/05 4381 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
Posted by Janice
I would go with my gut. You said it sounded harsh...I would let her go.
100% agree. I went thru quite a few options for nannies/babysitters when I was working f/t and I know what it is like not to have anyone to babysit but I believe your gut is always right when ti comes to yur childrens well being.
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| Posted 1/19/07 7:52 AM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: I need openminded opinions please...nanny situation.
A mothers instinct is never wrong
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| Posted 1/19/07 8:23 AM |
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