Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

I rather be celebrating these happy events then attending funerals or dealing with sadness in my family.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

the expectations are too high for these events for this particular couple.

I obviously won't post any details but it seems that is a competition to see who spends more and who is the favorite relative because of that.

I love celebrating joyous events with people who don't see these events as a right but as a chance to get together to celebrate.

There are way too many rules and guilt around these events.

eta: I'm about the most generous person you will ever meet. I know, hard to believe by my posts..but it's true. I want to give because I want to give not because I have to and that's what it feels like.

Message edited 4/18/2011 12:14:02 PM.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

Posted by JP826


2006 was grand.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

yup my friend had that all within the past year for her second marriage and second kid. Everyone in her family was like ummm....why....but whatever, you give what you can and if you can't they understand.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

This is precisely the reason that (1) I did not have an engagement party, other than going out to dinner with our immediate families, and (2) I celebrate big occasions (i.e. christenings, communions) with our immediate families only, and sometimes with our closest friends. I really see no need to celebrate those events with extended family and friends. Also, for the most part, we decline most invitations when we are invited to these events.

Message edited 4/18/2011 2:19:11 PM.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

When we got married we were the last of friends and family to do so. My parents' generation were all retired and my cousins and friends all had kids and mortgages. We were paying for our own wedding... I knew all of that was a lot of $$$ for our guests.

We did not have an engagement party (we don't have them in my family), a small bridal shower brunch at my MIL's house, only a MOH in the bridal party, a bachelorette dinner in Huntington (same day as bridal shower). We had a medium sized baby shower at a restaurant. Considering it was for twins and we were not having a bris/Christening/baby naming or a big 1st birthday party, it was still on the small side compared to what many have today.

I know I'm in the minority but I guess I'm the last of the previous generation so to speak.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

that was us.

they didnt have to come or gift
its not like im not going to hve to give it back to them when its their turn

Message edited 4/18/2011 3:11:16 PM.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

to the pp, I heard that through the grapevine about the engagement gift and most recently about the last gift.

Compared to what everyone else gave I guess it wasn't a ton of money or as extravagant but that's what I could do. If these things were spaced out a bit, I got a thank you for the wedding gift and didn't get flack about the engagement gift and the most recently gift maybe I would feel differently.

The checks cleared pretty quickly.

Message edited 4/18/2011 4:11:21 PM.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

I'm not really feeling that it's right to have a housewarming party if you have had an engagement party, bridal shower and wedding in the past year. I think that's too much to ask of people IMO.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

I feel like all we do is go and give gifts. I had someone not talk to me b/c I declined her wedding and did not send a gift , at the time I was just out of Graduate school.I did not have any money to be giving out! Well, she was not a friend.We never spoke again. I guess I was being invited for a gift. Glad I did not go and waste my $$. But I do feel like I am always being over generous w/ presents. I feel like a human bank sometimes. I feel your pain!

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

I had 7-8 friends do this within a very short time when I was in my 20s. There came a time when I felt that I had subsidized the furnishing of the homes of several people before I could even move out of my own parents' house. I could really relate to Carrie on Sex and the City when she wanted register to receive gifts for being single. I was very pleasantly surprised that when it came time for my bridal shower, many people seemed to remember the fact that I had been quite gracious back when I was single. They made arrangements to travel to my shower and wedding and their gifts were all very nice. I still feel sort of bad that some of the people who had all of these events within a short time didn't make a lot of effort to keep in touch with their single friends. Thankfully they did not all do that. Still, to this day I think that if a person has all of these blessings within a short time, the proper etiquette is to tone down the celebrations for at least 1-2 of them so as not to break the banks of your loved ones. For example, for a housewarming party, an invitation can easily say, "your presence will be your gift to us."

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

I hear you. I remember the summer of 9 bridal showers, then the weddings. The following year was the baby showers & the christenings. I was happy for every last person, but it did make me wish I had a money tree.

But I'm anti-engagement party.

Message edited 4/19/2011 6:42:44 AM.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

Posted by JAAMS

Posted by Bearcat

awesome! i feel really great now knowing that some ppl that may be invited to my baby shower will feel like this!

This made me sad--don't feel like that. You're getting to experience so much joy in your life in a short amount of time, and I think that's really awesome and great. I think that celebrating these events is important because they're such happy and special moments. I love celebrating all these different types of events!

As far as the original post goes, as I always say, if I didn't want to go I would decline the invitation.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

All my friends and a few of DHs frineds got married pretty much around the same time and they all had engagement parties and BP, so for about 3 years straight that's alll we did.
Now everyone is having babies.
In the next 3 months I have 8 parties

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

Every family dynamic is different. There is no way I can turn down the invite or not give a gift. The gift will be scrutinized and remembered for eternity.

I am giving what I can afford. Too bad it's not good enough.

All of my friends are married with kids. We've run the gamut on all events and gifts...at least they were gracious and grateful for us attending and sending a throughtful and generous gift.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

ITA.

Just wait- 1st birthday parties, graduations etc etc. are all coming down the pike.

Re: I realize these are all joyous events but come on already

IMO, if they feel your gift was not "generous enough" to freakin' bad.

WE give what we can afford and I've never heard anyone say that it wasn't enough. How dare they? Most people say "thank you" and move on.