i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

as some of you know keith's birthday is in a few days. well yesterday my girlfriend made a comment about it and how she not only wants to make a cake for him but throw a party .. i know she means well to try and keep my spirts up but as i sit and think about it i am not too keen on the idea...... it's going to be hard enough but then to have to entertain, i do not think that is a great idea. i do not want to hurt her feelings, but i think i really should say something, but what can you help me out guys

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

If it's too hard to talk about, why not send her an email thanking her for her kindness, but that maybe it's not the best idea......

She probably has good intentions, but isn't putting herself in your shoes.

Ask her to come over that day to hang out or go to the movies or something together....

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

my uncle passed away suddenly last march - he was 50 and has three little girls under the age of 10. for his 50th birthday, which was 6 months before he died, we had a huge bash in the backyard, with bands, etc.

so this year, we wanted to carry on the tradition did the same thing. thats what he would have wanted. i was very sad and didnt want to go, but we ended up celebrating his life in a great way.

however, if you really arent up for it, just tell your firend you appreciate her great idea, but you aren't ready for that. she'll understand!

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

I agree, just simply say that while you appreciate the sentiment that you simply aren't up for that just yet.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

She may have good intentions but I'd certainly let her know whether thru email or in person, that it wouldnt exactly be something you prefer. But she can be there for you to keep you company and wish him a Happy Birthday so he hears you!

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Posted by Meaghan729


my uncle passed away suddenly last march - he was 50 and has three little girls under the age of 10. for his 50th birthday, which was 6 months before he died, we had a huge bash in the backyard, with bands, etc.

so this year, we wanted to carry on the tradition did the same thing. thats what he would have wanted. i was very sad and didnt want to go, but we ended up celebrating his life in a great way.

however, if you really arent up for it, just tell your firend you appreciate her great idea, but you aren't ready for that. she'll understand!

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Posted by kriss2c

I agree, just simply say that while you appreciate the sentiment that you simply aren't up for that just yet.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Posted by curliegirl

If it's too hard to talk about, why not send her an email thanking her for her kindness, but that maybe it's not the best idea......

She probably has good intentions, but isn't putting herself in your shoes.

Ask her to come over that day to hang out or go to the movies or something together....

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Posted by curliegirl

If it's too hard to talk about, why not send her an email thanking her for her kindness, but that maybe it's not the best idea......

She probably has good intentions, but isn't putting herself in your shoes.

Ask her to come over that day to hang out or go to the movies or something together....

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Posted by kriss2c

I agree, just simply say that while you appreciate the sentiment that you simply aren't up for that just yet.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

See, this is a classic example about how with death... Everyone grieves very differently. Some people feel life should be celebrated and talked about all the time and very open about it all. Others feel that some things are just too much or too difficult to deal with.

It's so hard b/c it all depends on who you are and how you feel. So, I would write her like others suggested and just explain that you and her are different in how you grieve and that you don't think you can handle that emotionally-- but that the gesture and what she is trying to do in his memory is so nice and thoughtful...

And ask her if you can try and compromise and find a middle ground without making it uncomfortable for you.

Good luck

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

I also agree with everyone else janet, Just thank her and say i know your heart was in the right place but you are not ready to have a party in keith's memory just yet.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Everyone handles things differently, and while I'm sure she means well,She may be thinking that is how she would want to spend the day - if you are not comfortable, just let her know.
I'm sure she only has your best interests at heart and if that is not the way you want to 'celebrate' his birthday, then I'm sure she'll understand and will probably offer to be there for any thing you might need. -

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Janet, I know how you feel. My mom's b-day was 5 months after she passed (which was last March) and it was the day I came home from the hospital with my DS so instead of celebrating us coming home, I cried and wanted to be by myself.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Just say thanks, but no thanks.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

thanks guys soooo much again for everything... it's just a hard thing. i do understand celebrating a life and all , and might do it in the future. but being with all that has gone on this year, i never really got it all out of my system my grieving thanks again

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

It sounds like she did not know how to bring it up and some people bake when they are sad or upset i.e. Izzy on Grey's. Tell her she is more than welcome to hang with you but you don't feel comfortable with the birthday party thing.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Posted by janet

thanks guys soooo much again for everything... it's just a hard thing. i do understand celebrating a life and all , and might do it in the future. but being with all that has gone on this year, i never really got it all out of my system my grieving thanks again

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

Awe, your friend sounds like she is trying to help you. Do what you feel is right.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

I would tell her that while you appreciate the sentiment, you would rather spend the day how you need to, however that may be. If she's a good friend, I'm sure she'll respect your wishes.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

I would say exaclty what you said....Your not too keen on the idea.

Not sure what else you could say other then that.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

tell her that while you appreciate the thought, you just can't get into that idea. She just trying to be a good friend... maybe suggest one night during the week in which his birthday falls she can come over and keep you company. She'll understand, how can she not.

Hang in there

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

I'm sure she'll understand if you are honest with her. You are just not ready for something like that, and probably never will be.

Re: i really do not know how to respond to a coment that was made to me

although she means well, I agree I wouldn't be comfortable entertaining.

just be honest, she will understand.