I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

So my baby is due in dec. My FIL, BIL, SIL, their 2 kids are coming to see us for Christmas. We live in a 2 bedroom apt. I felt bad doing it, but I really did not want them all staying with me. BIL and SIL were great and completely understood. They booked a hotel a mile from our apt.

My FIL knows he is never going to stay with us. He is schizophrenic, he tries hard, but he is high maintence and I don't feel safe sleeping under the same roof as him. He knows this from our times visiting in FL. we always stay with friends, Leo told his father why, FIL was hurt. But he has a violent background and had a strong dislike for me in the past, so I stood my ground politely.

FIL calls and says that the hotel BIL and SIL picked to stay is too pricey, as all the hotels in Charlotte are he says. It was 70 a night, and he is staying for 4 nights. He has a credit card issue right now and is constantly buying things. Leo has told him not to buy us anything, just make sure he has money to visit.

The man was a no show at my wedding..he has never visited us. We haven't lived close by in over 5 years.

So he calls and tells me he plans on sleeping in BIL's truck for the 4 nights. I said well, its going to be hard to celebrate the holidays with you living in vehicle for 5 days. He says he will celebrate the holidays with us, then at night go down to the truck..


ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh guess who just paid 330.00 for a Christmas hotel reservation. the best is, inlaws are divorced, its just a matter of time before FIL tells MIL that I am financing this trip.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Janice you paid for the hotel ?

I would tell him not to bother to even come if its gonna be a hassle.
and you have a baby on the way no offense but what a shmuck he sounds like

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by MamaNDaddyof2

Janice you paid for the hotel ?

I would tell him not to bother to even come if its gonna be a hassle.
and you have a baby on the way no offense but what a shmuck he sounds like

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Ugh!!! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Good for you for putting your foot down and insisting that they stay at a hotel. That sounds like a smart move. Your FIL sounds like a real prize! I hope he doesn't cause any drama for you while he's there. Will your family be there at the same time?

I think my situation is not quite as bad. My parents are coming for Thanksgiving. They're arriving the Tues. before. my dad's leaving on Sunday (thank God - he's a problem - Mr. Negativity, etc), my mom's staying for the following week because DH has to be away. She's leaving Sunday, 12/2. Then we have friends visiting the following 2 weekends. I hope this won't be too stressful. IF the baby comes on time (11/4), or close to it, we should have a couple of weeks before anyone comes.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by SuzyQ



Ugh!!! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Good for you for putting your foot down and insisting that they stay at a hotel. That sounds like a smart move. Your FIL sounds like a real prize! I hope he doesn't cause any drama for you while he's there. Will your family be there at the same time?

I think my situation is not quite as bad. My parents are coming for Thanksgiving. They're arriving the Tues. before. my dad's leaving on Sunday (thank God - he's a problem - Mr. Negativity, etc), my mom's staying for the following week because DH has to be away. She's leaving Sunday, 12/2. Then we have friends visiting the following 2 weekends. I hope this won't be too stressful. IF the baby comes on time (11/4), or close to it, we should have a couple of weeks before anyone comes.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by Janice

Posted by SuzyQ



Ugh!!! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Good for you for putting your foot down and insisting that they stay at a hotel. That sounds like a smart move. Your FIL sounds like a real prize! I hope he doesn't cause any drama for you while he's there. Will your family be there at the same time?

I think my situation is not quite as bad. My parents are coming for Thanksgiving. They're arriving the Tues. before. my dad's leaving on Sunday (thank God - he's a problem - Mr. Negativity, etc), my mom's staying for the following week because DH has to be away. She's leaving Sunday, 12/2. Then we have friends visiting the following 2 weekends. I hope this won't be too stressful. IF the baby comes on time (11/4), or close to it, we should have a couple of weeks before anyone comes.

SUZY!! do you realize you are a month away! Nov sounds so far, but its not at all!

My mother is a nurse, she can't get off around holiday time, so hopefully she can come early Jan when baby is 2 weeks old. I told my sister that I really want her here, her classes get out on athe 22nd..so she is coming 12/23. She will stay with us. All others are up in the air. My main concern was BIL's kids...they are both in daycare, and it being winter, I did not want any extra germs around. FIL was never an option to stay here.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

nooo...the godmother thing is so up in the air. I am leaning towards the nun, but I am a little bothered that she won't really be around at all.

Thats super considerate about your friend's baby.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Janice, I can't believe that you guys had to pay for his hotel room! That's so unfair. You're going to have a newborn and enough expenses of your own, and this man allows you to pick up a $330 tab. He sounds like a real prize. I hope you have absolutely NO intentions of giving him any kind of gift.
Was it out of the question for him to stay in your BIL's room? Did you really have to get him a room of his own? Maybe he can split the cost with you guys?

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by nferrandi

Janice, I can't believe that you guys had to pay for his hotel room! That's so unfair. You're going to have a newborn and enough expenses of your own, and this man allows you to pick up a $330 tab. He sounds like a real prize. I hope you have absolutely NO intentions of giving him any kind of gift.
Was it out of the question for him to stay in your BIL's room? Did you really have to get him a room of his own? Maybe he can split the cost with you guys?

Message edited 10/3/2006 11:12:23 PM.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by Janice


I thought he would stay with BIL, FIL declined and said no, he did not want to do that.


ETA:BIL offered to hep pay for room too, that's still up in the air. I don't know if that is fair for him to do. FIL always stays in BIL's house when he visits.
I am just the issue, again. Because of the way I feel about the guy, I hate for BIL to have to pay for his own room. I appreciate him and his fam coming at all.

Message edited 10/3/2006 11:16:28 PM.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by Janice

I thought he would stay with BIL, FIL declined and said no, he did not want to do that.

He did not offer a cent. Which is weird. Then at the end of the call, he told me he wants to buy me a tripod to take great pics of his "granddaughter" I told him he needs to save his money. The man drains me. I told Leo that the hotel door will have a present nametag on it.

ETA:BIL offered to hep pay for room too, that's still up in the air. I don't know if that is fair for him to do. FIL always stays in BIL's house when he visits.
I am just the issue, again. Because of the way I feel about the guy, I hate for BIL to have to pay for his own room. I appreciate him and his fam coming at all.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

flight was already bought this summer. He bought a one way ticket(which I think my BIL really paid for). FIL lives in FL, BIL lives in MI

BIL is driving down with his fam to NC> FIL will be flying to NC, then BIL and FIL will drive down to FL together for a few days. Drop off FIL and take the kids to Disney.

He is not clueless, believe me. This happens often. He loves giving gifts, then calling for cash. Its more fun for him to do that.

Its just a temper tantrum, he is mad he can't stay with us. I explained to Leo to that if I am going to be BFing the last thing I need is FIL camped out in living room for all that time.

I still think he may be a no show. He has already cancelled the trip once when he found out that Leo did not care if his mother was here for Christmas as well. FIL wanted Leo to chose. This is his "thing".

Do you know what I am hoping? They arrive on the 22nd..staying till 26th. Please God let me give birth on the 23rd-24th and be locked up in a hospital with strict visiting hours.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

also wanted to add...I am SURE that FIL will give us gifts for christmas instead of cash towards the room. His new thing is charging gift cards.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by Janice

flight was already bought this summer. He bought a one way ticket(which I think my BIL really paid for). FIL lives in FL, BIL lives in MI

BIL is driving down with his fam to NC> FIL will be flying to NC, then BIL and FIL will drive down to FL together for a few days. Drop off FIL and take the kids to Disney.

He is not clueless, believe me. This happens often. He loves giving gifts, then calling for cash. Its more fun for him to do that.

Its just a temper tantrum, he is mad he can't stay with us. I explained to Leo to that if I am going to be BFing the last thing I need is FIL camped out in living room for all that time.

I still think he may be a no show. He has already cancelled the trip once when he found out that Leo did not care if his mother was here for Christmas as well. FIL wanted Leo to chose. This is his "thing".

Do you know what I am hoping? They arrive on the 22nd..staying till 26th. Please God let me give birth on the 23rd-24th and be locked up in a hospital with strict visiting hours.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Wow, I guess I am not the only one with IL issues. I just found out that MIL is coming to visit in November and staying for three weeks and DH wants her to sleep here. When I told him that we will be working on the nursery, he said she could sleep on an air mattress in the living room. Then FIL just informed DH that he will most likely be visiting in the end of January and I due the beginning of Feb. DH thinks his father will also stay here on an air mattress for two weeks. My parents have graciously offered for IL's to stay with them because they have the extra space but DH told me I was unreasonable to expect that his parents would sleep anywhere other than here!

Why do people think it is alright to announce their arrival upon VERY pregnant women's homes?

As far as you paying for your FIL, you should NOT have had to do that. Personally, though, I would pay twice as much to guarantee that IL's don't stay in my house when they visit. They are both very demanding people who like to be served and like my undivided attention. If they stay with me for ANY portion of their visits, I will be expected to come home from work and serve them or talk to them. And DH will be given the excuse that he is tired or stressed.

Let's band together!!!

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

MIL is an entirely different issue. Believe me. She has really tried with me this year, and I am trying back. I sent her oatmeal cookies last week and a loaf of pumpkin bread this week.

She is in such a bad financial state. She is also in a HUGE fight with my SI(my BIL's wife)L. So, I don't think we will be seeing her. BUT, inlaws are in total competition to see who is closer to the kids.

Leo's sister is in a fight with their father, so she only speaks to her mother. The sister in law drama caused a rift between leo's brother and mother. So Leo is the tie breaker. Once MIL hears that we paid for hotel, its going to get ugly. You would not think we had to worry about the news getting back to her, but it will.

The difference is though, that MIL can stay with us. Also, I am working out a plan to sell some of the gifts on ebay

Message edited 10/3/2006 11:35:47 PM.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by Juliet

Let's band together!!!

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by Juliet

Wow, I guess I am not the only one with IL issues. I just found out that MIL is coming to visit in November and staying for three weeks and DH wants her to sleep here. When I told him that we will be working on the nursery, he said she could sleep on an air mattress in the living room. Then FIL just informed DH that he will most likely be visiting in the end of January and I due the beginning of Feb. DH thinks his father will also stay here on an air mattress for two weeks. My parents have graciously offered for IL's to stay with them because they have the extra space but DH told me I was unreasonable to expect that his parents would sleep anywhere other than here!

Why do people think it is alright to announce their arrival upon VERY pregnant women's homes?

As far as you paying for your FIL, you should NOT have had to do that. Personally, though, I would pay twice as much to guarantee that IL's don't stay in my house when they visit. They are both very demanding people who like to be served and like my undivided attention. If they stay with me for ANY portion of their visits, I will be expected to come home from work and serve them or talk to them. And DH will be given the excuse that he is tired or stressed.

Let's band together!!!

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by Janice

MIL is an entirely different issue. Believe me. She has really tried with me this year, and I am trying back. I sent her oatmeal cookies last week and a loaf of pumpkin bread this week.

She is in such a bad financial state. She is also in a HUGE fight with my SI(my BIL's wife)L. So, I don't think we will be seeing her. BUT, inlaws are in total competition to see who is closer to the kids.

Leo's sister is in a fight with their father, so she only speaks to her mother. The sister in law drama caused a rift between leo's brother and mother. So Leo is the tie breaker. Once MIL hears that we paid for hotel, its going to get ugly. You would not think we had to worry about the news getting back to her, but it will.

The difference is though, that MIL can stay with us. Also, I am working out a plan to sell some of the gifts on ebay

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by Janice

Posted by Juliet

Let's band together!!!

your saving grace is that your parents offered their home. Just cry a lot when they arrive at your house and in a week they will be at your parents.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

hi-jack away!

I feel bad for having feelings about it all together. I know that there are some girls who would give anything for their father's to be present. I try and find positives, but this guy makes it so hard.

I am also scared of his reaction if the baby is a boy. He really wants a girl, this is the guy that sends pink stuff. So many freaking issues. He always talks about how he is so lonely in FL, you think this trip where he spents Christmas with 2 sons and 3 grandkids would be great...

He also is doing this weird thing to me. My family is VERY supportive. Leo and I lived there for years. I guess my FIL is trying to compete with them and constantly lets me know that him being there is super important as it should be and he can't believe mine won't be there.

It is breaking my mother's heart, she is ready to quit her job. She cares. My brother is moving to France for 2 years, he leaves next month. FIL can't believe he would leave before baby is born. In my brother's defense, he bought us an Isight camera so he can see the baby online.

This is coming from the guy who missed my wedding, Leo's graduation, and the NYC marathon when leo ran.

Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..

Posted by SuzyQ

Posted by Juliet

Wow, I guess I am not the only one with IL issues. I just found out that MIL is coming to visit in November and staying for three weeks and DH wants her to sleep here. When I told him that we will be working on the nursery, he said she could sleep on an air mattress in the living room. Then FIL just informed DH that he will most likely be visiting in the end of January and I due the beginning of Feb. DH thinks his father will also stay here on an air mattress for two weeks. My parents have graciously offered for IL's to stay with them because they have the extra space but DH told me I was unreasonable to expect that his parents would sleep anywhere other than here!

Why do people think it is alright to announce their arrival upon VERY pregnant women's homes?

As far as you paying for your FIL, you should NOT have had to do that. Personally, though, I would pay twice as much to guarantee that IL's don't stay in my house when they visit. They are both very demanding people who like to be served and like my undivided attention. If they stay with me for ANY portion of their visits, I will be expected to come home from work and serve them or talk to them. And DH will be given the excuse that he is tired or stressed.

Let's band together!!!

My issues right now are with my own family. ILs are not coming (as far as I know!) My mother wants to "help" us have a nice Thanksgiving. I was kinda looking forward to a nice quiet holiday with just our new family. But now I guess it works out because DH has to be away the following week and she'll stay to help me. My only thing is that I'm not really sure how much help she'll be. She was here for a week in Sept and has a few habits that grossed me out. Like a tendency to not wash her hands after she goes to the bathroom. Maybe I'm nuts for noticing, but I do not want her touching my baby after not washing her hands. That is just gross. The other issue is that we have a double (full sized) bed in our guest room and God forbid my parents have to sleep together in such a small bed! But I'm not giving up my queen when I have a newborn. Maybe I'm a brat, but I don't think I'd ever give up my bed anyway. So now I have to figure out a solution for that.

Whew! Sorry for hi-jacking, Janice. I feel better already!