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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..
Posted by Juliet
I wish my DH would realize that having his parents three miles away will be perfect. There is this cultural difference, though, that they believe that if they come here they must stay with their son or else what will people say?? Who cares what they say? Do you want to stay on an air mattress in your son's living room or in comfy bed in a regular bedroom?
AND both of us work, I work at night as well. And I am taking two grad classes. Three nights a week I am home at 10PM. I don't need a houseguest right now. Especially ones who will smother me and let DH relax and sleep.
I feel horrible saying this because I know my parents are not perfect, but why can't people be more considerate and giving like my parents? My parents are SO amazing and they are so good to us financially and emotionally. They are not demanding but we still do things for them and they do for us. My mom will even go as far as to offer us dinner if we don't want to cook and we don't even have to eat it there. We could pick it up on the way home from work. They never smother. God Bless my parents. I love them. Thank you!!!!
It sounds like you have no way out of this one. Dh is not hearing you. The solution of staying with your parents is perfect. It's too bad he can't/won't realize that.  I guess the guilt from his parents doesn't help. I'm sorry! I hope it works out somehow. 
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Posted 10/3/06 11:47 PM  |
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Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
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Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..
Posted by SuzyQ
Posted by Juliet
I wish my DH would realize that having his parents three miles away will be perfect. There is this cultural difference, though, that they believe that if they come here they must stay with their son or else what will people say?? Who cares what they say? Do you want to stay on an air mattress in your son's living room or in comfy bed in a regular bedroom?
AND both of us work, I work at night as well. And I am taking two grad classes. Three nights a week I am home at 10PM. I don't need a houseguest right now. Especially ones who will smother me and let DH relax and sleep.
I feel horrible saying this because I know my parents are not perfect, but why can't people be more considerate and giving like my parents? My parents are SO amazing and they are so good to us financially and emotionally. They are not demanding but we still do things for them and they do for us. My mom will even go as far as to offer us dinner if we don't want to cook and we don't even have to eat it there. We could pick it up on the way home from work. They never smother. God Bless my parents. I love them. Thank you!!!!
It sounds like you have no way out of this one. Dh is not hearing you. The solution of staying with your parents is perfect. It's too bad he can't/won't realize that. I guess the guilt from his parents doesn't help. I'm sorry! I hope it works out somehow.
What was even worse was when I said I would go stay at my parents so he could share a bed with his mother or father. He told me "No, you are my wife and you stay with me. " What is this? Me Tarzan you Jane?
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| Posted 10/3/06 11:48 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..
Posted by Juliet
. And sure as hell am not sharing a bed with my FIL
God you need to be a little more flexible with your demands 
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| Posted 10/3/06 11:49 PM |
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Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
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Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..
Posted by Janice
Posted by Juliet
. And sure as hell am not sharing a bed with my FIL
God you need to be a little more flexible with your demands
I know, I am SO bratty! Some pregnant women are SO demanding!
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| Posted 10/3/06 11:51 PM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..
Posted by Janice
hi-jack away!
I feel bad for having feelings about it all together. I know that there are some girls who would give anything for their father's to be present. I try and find positives, but this guy makes it so hard.
I am also scared of his reaction if the baby is a boy. He really wants a girl, this is the guy that sends pink stuff. So many freaking issues. He always talks about how he is so lonely in FL, you think this trip where he spents Christmas with 2 sons and 3 grandkids would be great...
He also is doing this weird thing to me. My family is VERY supportive. Leo and I lived there for years. I guess my FIL is trying to compete with them and constantly lets me know that him being there is super important as it should be and he can't believe mine won't be there.
It is breaking my mother's heart, she is ready to quit her job. She cares. My brother is moving to France for 2 years, he leaves next month. FIL can't believe he would leave before baby is born. In my brother's defense, he bought us an Isight camera so he can see the baby online.
This is coming from the guy who missed my wedding, Leo's graduation, and the NYC marathon when leo ran.
I too feel especially bad and try not to vent to DH too much because both of his parents passed away (his dad when he was 11 and his mom just before we met almost 7 years ago). I am grateful that both of my parents are still alive and they mean well, but sometimes they drive me nuts!
Your FIL is a nutcase and sounds extremely selfish. The important thing is that you know what he's saying about your family is baloney.
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| Posted 10/3/06 11:51 PM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..
Posted by Juliet
What was even worse was when I said I would go stay at my parents so he could share a bed with his mother or father. He told me "No, you are my wife and you stay with me. " What is this? Me Tarzan you Jane?
That's a good solution!! What if you tell him he has a choice: either you stay at your parents' or they do? even if it's just for part of the time they're visiting. Is he worried about how it will "look" to his parents?
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| Posted 10/3/06 11:55 PM |
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qtptootie
I'm Getting Teeth!!!
Member since 4/06 1307 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..
Janice...I am just reading this now. I can't beleive the nerve on your FIL..
I know he has mental issues but hes so freakin' NERVY!!!! I don't blame you with the whole situation of feeling uncomfy staying under the same roof as him and your 'son' should it be one. I remember you posting awhile back about his hopes on having a granddaughter. I know the hotels are pricey here.. but honestly 70 bux a night during Xmas is nothing.
Well I guess I have a similar situation...
I shouldn't talk though because I over heard my hubby on the phone with his parents saying he will pay for their ticket down in Nov. /Dec. to visit the baby. We are due in Nov. and of course my family will be here (mom, grandma and stepdad) and will be staying through out the Thanksgiving holiday. (with us) We then planned (since we moved here to NC) to have a big dinner for everyone to see the baby.. most likely late Nov/ Dec. So I am assuming since I heard that convo. he had with them that he is going to pay their airfare.. and he doesn't want them staying here (he isn't close with them) so I am assumung he is going to attempt to pay for their hotel stay as well. I know I am going to explode when all of this comes to fruition.... do you think I am wrong? They don't have alot of money but they aren't starving. To be honest they (his parents-who live in Texas) never even sent me a shower gift and I STRONGLY doubt they will buy this baby anything when she is born..... meanwhile my mother and grandmother have bought out every outfit and stretchie from NY to Florida to NC!!!
I don't mean to sound materialistic.. but do you get where I am coming from?
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| Posted 10/4/06 1:08 AM |
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Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
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Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..
Posted by SuzyQ
Posted by Juliet
What was even worse was when I said I would go stay at my parents so he could share a bed with his mother or father. He told me "No, you are my wife and you stay with me. " What is this? Me Tarzan you Jane?
That's a good solution!! What if you tell him he has a choice: either you stay at your parents' or they do? even if it's just for part of the time they're visiting. Is he worried about how it will "look" to his parents?
Sadly DH has not reached the point in marriage when you tell your parents that you love them but you need to side with your spouse. He is trying to please them and pushing my comfort aside. I am almost tempted to call my midwife and tell her the situation and see if she could tell him that it would not be a healthy thing for me to have houseguests considering al that I am doing while pg.
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| Posted 10/4/06 1:18 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..
Posted by qtptootie
I don't mean to sound materialistic.. but do you get where I am coming from?
Exactly where you are coming from . FIL was nice enough to charge the car seat that I picked out. But the carseat is only half the price of the hotel...and I constantly say "charge" because how much credit can they give a fixed income guy?
When his avail runs out its going to be a bad scene. But he also charged a gc to home depot and mailed it to us. so that is going on ebay.
What I don't get is keep your drama at home! Don't involve me with this at all.
That sounds like a great plan with mom being there..Who takes from a family expecting their first kid anyway? Didn't you have 9 months to prepare for the visit? 
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| Posted 10/4/06 10:14 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: I tried to hold it in, but first inlaw vent in a very long time..
Posted by Juliet
Sadly DH has not reached the point in marriage when you tell your parents that you love them but you need to side with your spouse. He is trying to please them and pushing my comfort aside. I am almost tempted to call my midwife and tell her the situation and see if she could tell him that it would not be a healthy thing for me to have houseguests considering al that I am doing while pg.
You are some brainstormer!
In recent years, DH has learned to side with me. He knows my intentions are not from a bad place. It was a very stressful time when DH told FIL why we don't stay at his home. DH got tired of lying one trip and said "Jan is scared you will stab her in her sleep"
Then we went for some holiday one year, they had a turkey, FIL said someone else better carve it, I don't want to frighten Janice
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| Posted 10/4/06 10:18 AM |
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