I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

We always said 2 kids, that's it. I was even OK with 1! I'm terrible at being pregnant. I'm sick from day 1, cranky, tired, etc.

I was @ L&D for some monitoring yesterday and was asked by the triage nurse if I was interested in getting my tubes tied, and I said, "If I happen to require a C-sec and i'm already open on the table, then yes, absolutely." DH's head snapped and his eyebrows shot up like he was totally shocked by that.

I don't understand the shock. Maybe it's because I feel like i'm 8yrs pg and I'm DONE, but this is really it for me. No more babies. Not going to happen.

We discussed it in the car on the way home and thankfully he's not holding out for #3, he's just nervous because the procedure is so final. He's worried about something happening to Baby #2 and wants to make sure he's perfectly healthy and happy before cutting off my baby hotel.

I told him that I am NOT willing to go back into surgery for a major abdominal procedure after the fact, so then our long-term BC is that he's getting snipped. Again, the eyebrows shot up and he had this ridiculous look of fear in his eyes.

Anyone have any experience? Thoughts?

Really though, am I being unreasonable?

eta: At this time, there's no c-sec in the works for me unless there are complications. I'm working with midwives too, so every other measure will likely be taken before surgery, so the "*IF* i need a c-sec" thing is a big IF, anyway.

If we're ever in the financial position to afford more children (like winning lotto ), I would love to adopt.

Message edited 7/11/2011 9:35:02 AM.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

I could never decide something so final at such a young age - but then again, I've never had your pregnancies. I feel like if you do get your tubes tied, you could relax and never worry about going through that again. I totally see your point! I asked DH if he would ever get snipped and he gave me the death stare

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

Posted by headoverheels

I asked DH if he would ever get snipped and he gave me the death stare

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

DH is more than willing to get snipped when we're done (after #2, if we decide to have a second...we both agree 3 or more is way too many for us).

That said, I was born c-section, and my mom requested to have her tubes tied before finding out the sex, if I had 12 toes, etc. No regrets.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

thats definitely a personal choice. but for me, i could never do it. even if i knew i was done having kids...its just so final. cant you reverse a snip? you cant reverse tying your tubes and its a major surgery.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

I don't think I could...at least not for awhile...its so final, but I guess its really a personal choice

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

I had my tubes tied when dd #2 was born. I knew I was having a csection, so it made sense to do it then. My ob was on board, but also told me about the finality of it. I didn't necessarily have hard pregnancies, but having a preemie made my second pg rough. Luckily, dd #2 came at 37 weeks, 9 days before my scheduled c section.

I will say the recovery from the tubal was harder then the c section recovery. Tmi - but I bleed a lot.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

Im done, but if we did ever one day have another, I have made my getting tubes tied know to everyone. Drs, parents, husband, uterus, everyone. I will not be out numbered

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

We were also team green, so we weren't holding out for a boy, kwim?

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

I couldn't do something so final. especially in the midst of pregnancy when hormones are out of whack and you are tired of being pregnant. Minds may change over the years. Circumstances may change. I dont know what the future holds and there are things I cant predict, so for me, it's not something I could ever do.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

Posted by Shorty

Posted by headoverheels

I asked DH if he would ever get snipped and he gave me the death stare

its a friggen LASER- not cutting through 47 layers of fat/muscle like we'd have to go through.

Message edited 7/11/2011 10:30:54 AM.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

ugh, this is us but we are in opposite roles. DH is dying for me to get my tubes tied next time around and im so about it. though i dont think we will have more than 2, I HATE the thought of it being so final - the option for #3 is no longer available.

I just dont think I could go through with it

Message edited 7/11/2011 10:29:08 AM.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

i almost see it as a relief that it's so final ... no more worrying! this baby was a total surprise, so i'm sure that has something to do with it too.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

Ok, please listen to my advice, since as you know, DH just had a vasectomy. Wait, you are young and a lot can change once the horror of being 97 weeks pregnant wears off. Use long term BC if you want but certainly give it a few years.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

My totally inexperienced advice that you can ignore immediately is not to make such a huge decision WHILE you are pregnant or until at least six months AFTER you give birth.

I think back to when I was really pregnant, and right after giving birth - and I don't even recognize myself. I had an easy pergnancy, and DD was a dream newborn - but I was still a crazy person.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

I could fathom a vascetomy for DH, but never get my own tubes tied.
I guess I know that god forbid something happened to DH, or to us, I wouldn't be opposed to having another child with someone else - I wouldn't want the fact that I couldn't limit me.
And then when I think harder about DH getting snipped, I know I probably won't push it as much as I tell him I will b/c it is his body and in the end, he has to be 100% for it.
So, I think there will be no permanent fixings in my household.
Therefore, I see a potential #4

ETS: if I were you, a) I wouldn't think too hard about it b/c chances are very slim you'll be open for them to do it b) if he's not 100% on board it might bite ya in the arse

Message edited 7/11/2011 11:43:02 AM.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

I know we are done having children, but neither DH or I wanted me to have my tubes tied (I had a scheduled c-section). It just seemed too final for a 31 year old.

I was in a similar position, surprise second pregnancy, two boys. I was thinking about Mirena, haven't decided yet.

Message edited 7/11/2011 11:45:07 AM.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

So when I 1st found out I was pregnant with #2 I asked if i could have my tubes tied. I know I'm having a repeat c/s and rather "get it done" then. I don't really fair well with surgery in general so I wouldn't opt to do it later. DH was shocked...he said if it was a girl then def. lets get tubes tied but if it wasn't then let's leave the option open of having a third.

Fast foward to my Level II we're having another boy. I was a bit disappointed, but got over that fairly quickly and have really ocme to enjoy the idea of being the mom of two boys. That being said now I don't want to have my tubes tied but would like to keep the option open for a 3rd. DH is like "GET YOUR TUBES TIED". He said If I plan on having a thrid it will have to be with someone else .

While I don't think we'd like more than the two we're going to have I do feel like it's soo final to have my tubes tied. What if we change our mind and want another. But at the same time I understand where DH is coming from. We really don't think we can handle a 3rd, we're both in our mid-thirties (DH will be 37 and I'll be 36 shortly after D#2 is born), we both don't want to have another baby into our 40's, we barely have the energy to keep up with DS#1 can't even imagine what it will be like when DS#2 comes along.

I guess the finality of it makes me second guess it. I told DH he should get snipped and also got an adamant NO. Mind you I'm the one that doesn't do well with surgery (coded during knee surgery, and had a long not so pleastant c/s recovery). Men...sometimes theyh're such wusses.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

Ok, here is a totally different perspective on the situation:

I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when I was just shy of my 17th birthday. It runs in my family. I was on isulin injections from the beginning. I was a teenager, who thought that I was never going to have any complications. When I was 18 I started going to the Gyno b/c I had started having sex and needed BC. Was put on the pill, but b/c of my diabetes it made managing my blood sugars extremely difficult. I was on/off the pill for about 5 years. Then I tried the Nuva Ring. Same issue. Patch, same issue. My Endo had warned me about the risk of getting preggo while being diabetic and not having perfect blood sugars. I could die, the baby could die, etc. He had warned me that IF I were to get pregnant it would be HORRIBLE. That I would have to work extra hard for about a year + before doing anything like that to get my body prepared. So at the age of 25 I started looking into other forms of BC. I wanted an IUD but no docs would give me one b/c of my age, the fact that I had no children and the risk of infection when placing an IUD in a Diabetic. I asked about the injections, my doc said no and some others as well due to my age. But, I was terrified that I would become pregnant and something horrible would happen. My DH, (boyfriend at the time) and I sat down and had many many discussions about what to do next. I and I repeat, I made the decision to persue having my tubes tied. I figured that if I was really meant to have children that we could adopt. So, after a few months I found a doctor that was willing to do it. He said that as long as I knew that it was permanant and he also knew that I had been desperately trying to do something to prevent pregnancy b/c of my diabetes that he would do it. So at the tender age of 26 I went in and had a tubal ligation. DH and I got married 2 years later and the adoption word had come into play. We decided that we wanted children.

Right after we got home from our honeymoon I had promised that I would look into the Insulin Pump, (I had been fighting it for years b/c I didn't want to be attached to something like that and I was petrified of it as well). The Endo had been pushing it on me for years and had promised that I would be better regulated and healthier. So I finally did it in 2007. My health took a compete turn around. I was feeling better and healthier than I had ever been.

By 2008 we had really wanted to start a family. I work in a hospital and come in contact with alot of IVF docs. I had spoken to one that had said as long as my blood sugars were good he saw no reason not to persue getting pregnant. It took me a while before I brought it up to DH. When I finally did he was shocked. But said that if that what I wanted to try first we could as long as the doc said that I was healthy and it was safe. I worked for a year to get my numbers where they wanted them. And then we persued IVF. I got pregnant on the first try.

I had a VERY difficult pregnancy. VERY difficult. Not b/c I didn't take care of myself but because it was just in the cards. We both made it through the pregnancy tho and I had a healthy baby boy. Throughout the pregnancy I said that this was it. NO more. EVER. I didn't want to go through it again. It was too much on my body.

13 months later....and I want another one. I look at my DS and I just want him to have a sibling. I was cleared by my OB. They feel that my pregnancy could go either way. There is no way to tell what is going to happen. So, hopefully in the next 6-8 months I can come on here and say that I am PREGGO.

Long story short, tubals are permanent. Feelings change, situations change. It is a very personal decision that noone but you should make for yourself. However, if you do it, and the feelings and/or situation changes down the road it is very difficult to get pregnant again. I am not ever regretful for the decision that I made when I was 26, however, at this point in my life I wish that it was easier to get pregnant.

Tubal ligation is not as horrible a surgery as people think. If you go back after your LO is born and have it done it is laproscopic and done on an out patient basis. You are in and out in a total of maybe 6-8 hours. You have terrible cramps for about 24hrs and some moderate bleeding. Then its over. Your hormones don't change. Your periods don't change.

HTH.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by Shorty

Posted by headoverheels

I asked DH if he would ever get snipped and he gave me the death stare

its a friggen LASER- not cutting through 47 layers of fat/muscle like we'd have to go through.

Just in case you don't have a C and still want a permanent BC solution (and your DH doesn't want to get snipped) look into Essure. It's a new procedure done in the Dr's office and is not anywhere as invasive as a tubal ligation, but just as permanent. Just another, less traumatic option.
That is what I have been looking into....for me, final is something I want. I don't want to have to worry about the what if's- what if the BC fails, etc.
IMO if you know you're done, you know you're done. If you don't- then of course you don't want to go for soemthing permanent. But trust me, I know. 100%. No regrets or what if's- I guess that is how you know you are TRULY done.

Message edited 7/11/2011 12:45:57 PM.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

I think it's such a personal decision...
My mom had her tubes tied at 27 years old. The doctors all thought she was insane...but she had just had her 4th child (in under 5 years) and she was DONE!!! So, while she was in the hospital after giving birth to my youngest brother, she had the procedure done.
For her, it was the right decision...even though she was young...she didn't want any more children, and she had absolutely no problem getting pregnant, so she was pretty sure it'd happen again if she didn't play interference.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

My pregnancy with DD was a tough one!
When the dr.s asked me if I wanted it during my C Section, I said "No".
They were like "oh, ok".

We know we are done. I have my 2. They're healthy and happy and thats what matters.

Just can't bring myself to make it so permanent (not having another). DH and I agreed, if it happens it happens.

We are preventing it, but, if it does happen, we would just deal with it.

Re: I was asked if i'm interested in a tubal ligation and DH's head snapped...

I went the vasectomy route after my 2nd was born. I needed to know I had 2 healthy kids and we were sure that we were done. My DH had it done when my 2nd was 8 mos old.