If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

I have been discussing this with DH, and I want friends of ours to have custody of our children. I think they are wonderful parents to their child and just all around really good people.

He disagrees. He says that it should be family because it is a huge burden to put on people. I disagree. We have life insurance, so if anything were to happen, the children would be taken care of ( financially) for life.

What do you think??? Family only, or would you ask a friend??

Message edited 6/28/2009 9:06:19 PM.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

If anything ever happened to us my mother would get custody of Chelsea. DH and I are in total agreement over that. Besides us my mom is the one she is closest too.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

Hands down family.......I think it would be hard enough, god forbid, for DS to lose his parents. I couldnt fathom taking him from his family too even if theyd see him sometimes. The other thing Id consider is that Id want DS to continue to spend holidays with our families, to have friends take custody of him, I think would prevent that as Im sure theyd have their own plans with their own families and that would be too much to ask for them to juggle their holidays between their families and ours.

Weve discussed this and we would award custody to my sister and her husband.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

We chose my SIL and BIL- it had nothing to do with them being family, we just felt they were best suited and would raise and love our children as their own...

I think either is fine though. If it were to be a friend, I would only want to know that they would encourage and continue to keep my children active with both of our families and this would be a discussion that I had with them when asking them to assume the role.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

My sister. She is the one person I truly believe would raise my son as one of her own.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

I have friends who are MUCH better influences in my childrens lives than family, and who are closer to them.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

My mom and dad are young and healthy enought and are the only people I would trust with &

I know and love their values and know they already love DS and would take care of him.

DH's parents aren't all that healthy and not whom I would chose. I don't have other close family

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

We actually chose friends. I think that they would be best able to care for them emotionally and financially. Our monies would be held in a trust that will be monitered by my eldest sister.

All parties are aware of this.

The friends chosen are more like extended family to us.

My parents are deceased. Rob's parents have no desire to raise our children. Rob's sister's are financially dependent on his parents and husbands. My oldest sister is already basically raising her grandson and my youngest sister has very little patience to deal with children. Both of us have brothers but they are kind of non-entities in our lives.

Our friends happen to be close to most of our immediate families.

Message edited 6/28/2009 9:46:10 PM.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

we chose my mom as the primary person (she watches DS every day while i work) and my sister is secondary. it's already in our wills.

it was very important to us to have family.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

We haven't chosen yet. Probably one of our siblings.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

We chose my sister. My ILs (though they watch her everyday) are in their late 60s and it would be a big burden to take care of Kaydyn full time.

My mom works full time and can be a little bit hard on people. She is very critical and I wouldn't want Kaydyn exposed to that all the time.

So we picked one of my sisters.

BUT I say if you are really close to your friends and they agree then I say go ahead. Just b/c people are family does not automatically make them the best people to take care of DC.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

Our choices are bizarre, actually. My sister is to get custody of Christopher should anything happen to DH and I. Even though she is totally unsettled in her life, she would have my parents help.

If something should happen to us AND my sister, then Chris' sister Kerry would get him for similar reasons. She will also be his godmother if and when DS is ever baptized (not that that matters)

I worked for a law firm that did estate planning and they strongly suggested NOT chosing your own parents or your husband's parents.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

I think about this often.. DH and I yet have to come to an agreement, but I would want my mom and brother to raise my DD.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

My DH and I can't agree on who we would want to raise our son.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

I spoke to my mother about this and decided that she would go with my sister, to private school in FL. With mandatory 3 weeks in NY w/ my in-laws including 1 week w/ my sister in law. As well as regular visits through the year by both families.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

My best friend and her DH would actually get my kids. Although we have wonderful family, we felt that would be the best choice for Joey and Grace.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

definitely 100% family. we actually never talked about it. i'd like my parents to take care of DS. i'm sure DH would want his parents.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

My DH and I have been aruging about this for 2 years now. We were suppose to draw up a Will but, have not done it yet. I want my side of the family but he wants someone on his side of the family. I would have my parents but, they are not young. I don't have siblings.
Very tough decision that we have to make soon.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

We cannot agree. DH of course says his parents, I say my Mom...what an issue this has been as we know we need to draw up a will very soon!

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

We choose a relative.

I think it's fine to choose whoever you think would raise your child the best. One reason for choosing the person we did was that we know if anything were to happen, they would make the effort to involve both sides of the family in our children's lives. Although we have friends who are amazing parents, we felt that was a big thing to ask of our friends.

We do have a friend in charge of our estate which is ulimately going to our children.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

My sister and BIL, it was a no brainer for us

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

My parents. DH's family lives upstate and I wouldn't want to completely remove them from the life they know. They see my parents every week and DH's fam only a few times a year. It would be like moving in with strangers for them.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

The person we designated as the guardian, as well as the backup person, are family members. We are very close to them, as are our children.

But if we'd had a friend that we were closer with who was willing to step in if need be and we felt would raise our children in a similar manner to how we would I'd have no problem naming them.

Re: If, God forbid something happened to you and your spouse/SO, who would you like to raise your children?

My sister and brother-in-law. It was a no brainer for us, they are the closest relatives who would do a great job with DS.

I think you need to pick people who would be the best parents, regardless of family. Families aren't perfect, and if you have misgivings about their ability to raise DC, friends are fine IMO>