IF Moms - Trying for another

I'm not even sure what it is I want to say here.
I have baby fever so badly and DH and I have talked about and decided to try for #3. I am so excited about this, but at the same time scared out of my mind.
What if we can't conceive again? We have different insurance now and IVF is not covered. If it came to that, there is no way we could afford it.
Am I selfish for wanting another? There are so many out there who are still trying for #1, and I have been blessed with two beautiful babies. If I have trouble conceiving again, do I have a right to be upset?
What if I miscarry again? How do I handle that while caring for my babies? It took me so long to be able to pick up the pieces and move on the last time. I wouldn't have the "luxury" of being able to lay in my bed and cry for days if it happened again.

I don't really know what I am looking for... are these feelings normal? Does anyone have any stories or words of encouragement?

I feel weird posting something like this on IF... I would feel weird posting on IF in general this time because of what I stated above.

Ok. I've rambled for long enough.

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

I don't know what to say, but I think that everything you are feeling is justified and valid and I'm just so sorry that you have to have all of these worries on your plate when you are contemplating something so wonderful.

I have not been in your shoes, but if you really want another child, I would go for it, as scary as it is. I wish all the best to you with whatever you decide to do.

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

You are definitely not selfish for wanting a 3rd.

We conceived DD#1 naturally and needed a help for soon to be #2. DH and I decided that IF ( a big IF) we go for a third we'll try on our own. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't we won't seek help.

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

I took me 2 years many failed iui, surgery and then i got pregnant with ivf currently ds is 7m old and i never went on BC since if it happens naturally I would be happy when ds is a year old we'll transfer our froxen embryos and if not successful will start over.

i totally understand you and I feel that our desires for more children never goes away. In our heart we have a feeling of how many kids we want.

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

There is no reason for you to feel selfish for wanted 3 children because "Somebody" might not be able to conceive. While sad, it should not be a factor in your decision.

Yes I think there a risk of m/c. Like with any pregnancy. But you have to decide if you are willing to take that risk to have another child, knowing already that it may or may not happen.

Let's just say that unless you try, you will always wondered if you "could" have had another one.

I understand the fear of another m/c or hoping to TTC every month and it's not working out. But if you don't try, that baby #3 will not come.

If both you and DH really want another child, then you should go for it.

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

You are 110% NOT selfish for wanting another baby! Honestly, if everyone felt that way then none of us would ever have a baby at all. There will always be couples who are TTC and having issues- that does not mean you should not try too.
TTC is full of maybes, what ifs...it is rarely perfect. Good Luck.

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

Going through a similar thought process right now. Had a chemical back in Oct, and my cycles have been getting longer and longer each month. That, coupled with other issues, leads my OB to believe that I am showing signs of secondary infertility, and wants me to come in for tests, meds, etc... I almost feel selfish to go through all of that because I DO have a healthy, wonderful DC right now. I know how you feel. If you ever need to vent, FM me

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

To me it sounds like everything you are feeling is normal and there are so many unknowns when it comes to having babies. You don't know what will happen with insurance or grants. Having a m/c is always so difficult and there is no way to tell how you would deal with it. It could happen just the same from a pregnancy on your own or from IF treatments. You just have to trust that there is a bigger plan out there for you, and all of us, that will unfold when and how it is supposed to.

I got PG on the first try but had a m/c when we tried for DD. 14 months later and some help and we got PG with her. When she was 14 months old we decided to give it a try on our own and see what happened, knowing I was going back to work and could get my ins. coverage back should we need help again. Well, we certainly didn't! We got PG on the first try on our own and have another DD due in May. I guess that was the plan that life had in store for us! It was good for us trying b/c I didn't hold out hope that it was going to work nor did I feel pressured that we would have to go back to the RE.

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

wow...I think you just took those words right out of my head!!! lol
I want another one too. DH is giving me a hard time about it. He says we're blessed as it is. We have no more room in our house, its too expensive.....etc..etc... But I am on a "time frame" I might not have any eggs left right know as it is. I don't wanna wait too long. I am scared I wont be able to conceive again. I think my life would be incomplete if I didn't have at least another baby on my life. I've always wanted to have a big family, but life seems like has other plans for me. I dont think u are selfish at all! If thats what you think will make you happy go for it! You only live once!!! Live it to the fullest!

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

Not at ALL selfish to want another!

As a matter of fact, I didn't even know that I wanted another one right away, until it happened. I still feel so incredibly, unbelievably blessed that it happened naturally for us this time.

I understand not wanting to post on IF...I had a BAD experience there when I got pregnant, all of a sudden a big group of my "cheerleaders" stopped talking to me. I don't really go there anymore because I feel like I have no business there with a child.

Wishing you much luck and success!!!

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

You absolutely are not being selfish

There is no infinite amount of babies to be had, and you having a third does not make one less baby for another couple who is TTC....

Of-course "if" you have trouble conceiving, you are entitled to be upset, just as another who did not rely on the help of technology....

And as for suffering another loss, you would be strong for M & J ...Something happens when you are a mommy- I can't explain it, it just happens...You put on a happy face...

I went through multiple failed IUI's and a chemical IVF pg before having Alexa...Brandon never knew anything different...

Going through an IF process a second time is very different than the first...You really don't have enough time to dwell on anything to be honest...And though the "longing" for another child is there - ifrom someone who has done it twice- t's a much different experience

Message edited 1/15/2010 8:00:45 PM.

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

I don't feel like it's ever really selfish to want a baby, especially when you are stable in your life. If you do get pregnant and stay pregnant more easily this time, do not ever feel guilty about that.

I do know what you mean about wondering if anything goes wrong and how you will handle your other babies. I worry that if I have another, I will have the same pregnancy complication I had last time and then it would be unfair to my son. I also worry that my energy levels are just not the same as those of a younger mom.

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

My DD is only 5 months old, but I am already having those same feelings.

What if it doesn't work, what if I m/c...same thing.

I do not think you are selfish for wanting another. If you were able to get pg easily and wanted a third- would you even give it a second thought? Probably not. Just because we need a doctors' help to get pregnant doesn't mean we shouldn't have another pregnancy after the first one we were *blessed with*.

I think you should go for it- you make beautiful children!

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

Thanks so much everyone. It is really nice to know I am not alone with these thoughts!

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

You are not selfish at all! DH & I already discussed that come the summertime, we will use the 4 embryo's we have frozen for FET's until we get pregnant. If we do not, DS will be an only child just bc we do not have IVF coverage & already paid for the cycle that resulted in DS out of pocket. With that said, we are not taking any precautions now to prevent pregnancy (DS is 4 months old) so if it happened naturally, it would be welcomed!

I go through the same thoughts as you. How would i handle all that I did when getting pregnant with DS but I think you just find a way to do it. If you want #3, then by all means, go for it!

Re: IF Moms - Trying for another

No way you are selfish. Don't even think about that. I may have to smack you.

My issues, IMO, barely qualified me as having IF problems - they were purely mechanical. I simply needed a conduit to get PG. That fell under the practices of an RE

My dream is to have 2 children. Until I have two children, my dream has not been acheived. If anyone were to comment on the fact that I already have a child when so many people are struggling, well that's too damn bad. Wanna know struggle? How about surgery, 5 IUI cycles and two painful miscarriages to have one child? Is that a struggle enough? I think I am entitled to the family I have always dreamed of and that includes two children.

HOWEVER, I have discussed, at length with DH that if have not had a second child by the time I turn 42, Abby will be an only child.