If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

did you regret it or second guess your decision at all?


Before DD was born, my outlook on BF'g was that i'd try it out and if it worked, great and if it didn't, no biggie. I think i was preparing myself just in case i had problems with BF'g.

Now, DD latched right away, my milk came in without any problems and she eats like a champ (we still supplement her at night with formula though). But, i don't want to BF and i feel bad b/c of it. I love the bonding aspect of BF'g, but i feel like all of the time i spend with DD is with her attached to my boob. And while i love that she's eating great, i feel like a BF session takes an hour, so by the time she's done, i basically have an hour or so before she's ready again.

I guess my issue is that i was prepared for BF'g to not work out for us and that i'd be ok with that, but i feel guilty that eventhough it is working out, i just dont want to do it. DH supports whatever i decide and is pretty indifferent b/c he feels like either one will meet her nutritional needs. I guess i'm just looking to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation- whether you didn't BF at all, or just did it for a short time- did you second guess your decision at all? I'm not anti-formula at all and to be honest, never really thought i'd even want to try BF'g. Now i just don't want to regret stopping it. I dont think i would, but after talking with DH about it, i figured i'd ask here to see if anyone else had any insight to share.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

I stopped early because I had no milk, so it's totally different from your situation. It was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through because I felt like such a failure....and it still makes me cry when I think about it.

But, as sad as it made me, and as horrible as it made me feel to stop.....it was a relief to get that time back! She would take 60 minutes to BF and then I would supplement with formula which would take another 30-45 minutes, so I had almost no time in between feedings and it was exhausting.

BFing is a HUGE sacrifice in the beginning....and I can't fault anyone for stopping. It's TOUGH!!

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

I think you may regret it. If she is doing well already, you are lucky. They eventually become more efficient and will eat quicker and with longer stretches between feedings. If you are miserable then by all means do what you feel is best, but I have heard plenty of women say they wish they nursed longer.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

With DD I had huge regrets. I had major supply issues and pumped so much to work on supply that she quit latching. I did pump for 7 months for her but I was devastated that we didn't nurse.

I had similar supply issues with DS but worked through them but he ended up needing Neocate. I pumped and froze a bunch of milk while transitioning and now that's he seems to be over his milk intolerence I have stated giving it to him.

I had some sadness but definitely not as much as with DD.

I will say as far as how long it takes to nurse that is short term. It will be so much easier and so much faster as she gets more efficient. It's hard to stick with in the beginning but it's definitely amazing how much easier it gets.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

Posted by megsm3

I think you may regret it. If she is doing well already, you are lucky. They eventually become more efficient and will eat quicker and with longer stretches between feedings. If you are miserable then by all means do what you feel is best, but I have heard plenty of women say they wish they nursed longer.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

I didn't BF at all. I considered it briefly while pg but then realized that I would be totally uncomfortable doing it. It just wasn't for me. I do think about it from time to time, and I have fleeting thoughts about trying it this time around (I am pg with DC#2), but again I know for me I would never feel comfortable with it.

You have to do what is best for you and your baby. If you are not happy doing it and it's causing more distress to BF then I think it would be ok to stop....but again I have heard it's hardest in the beginning.

for whatever decision you make.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

With my 1st- I said Id give it a try... (AFTER people convinced me to- I had no desire to even TRY at first)

I tried- it was friggin hard...and I gave up...

EVERYDAY until AFTER his 1st b-day I regretted...

I actually had BFing ENVY....

With #2- I KNEW this was something that had to work... and it has been one heck of a ride- but I know how important this is to me...

Im a firm believer in happy mommy = happy baby...if you dont want too- then stop- no biggie... just be SURE its because you want to stop....

Message edited 8/22/2009 11:09:22 PM.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

I did bf & didn't stop that early but I wanted to throw it out there...

In the beginning, pretty much all they do is cry, eat & sleep so while she's attached to your boob this whole time, bottle feeding doesn't really speed things up if she's a snacker.

Is she falling asleep while bf'ing? (completely normal by the way). As her stomach gets bigger & can hold more, she'll start to finish up in about 10-15 minutes.

Taking all of the above into consideration, if it's not working for you, do whatever you think is best for you. I agree with the Happy Mommy = Happy Baby.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

I have been BF my DD for 8 1/2 months now. I'm not going to tell you what YOU should do, but I did want to share my story with you.

I went through the final 30 weeks of my pregnancy with a ruptured disc in my back. I couldn't sit upright for the last 15 weeks of my pregnancy. I prayed it would get better after DD was born, because I really had my heart set on BF.

The day after I had her, the back pain was no better. I needed surgery, but had to wait 4 weeks because I had had a C-section, and they needed to lay me on my stomach to have the back surgery.

I promise, I'm getting somewhere with this

After giving birth, the pain in my back was actually worse. My milk came in with no problems, but I couldn't sit in the glider for 10 seconds, much less an hour to feed her.

I learned how to nurse her laying down. To this day, I STILL nurse her laying down for the 2 feedings she still nurses for.

The first 2 months were HELL. I remember feeling the same way you did--I felt like a cow. There were days that it would take her so long to nurse that she'd be hungry for her next feeding before she'd even finish the previous one. I cried, I complained, I told my DH that I wanted to give up.

And then one day, a miraculous thing happened: She was done nursing in 15 minutes. Pretty soon it was 10.

Now, it takes her about 6 minutes, start to finish, for a full feeding.

What I'm getting at is, this phase will pass, and it will get MUCH easier. I know moms who BF for about 6 weeks and then gave up. My good friend gave up after 3 months, and I'm positive that it was just about to "click" for her DS. She had already made it through the hard part!

My advice to you is, hang on for as long as you can. If it's truly too much, then you should do what makes you most comfortable. But what you're going through now is the worst of it. It DOES get better, I can promise you.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

Posted by megsm3

I think you may regret it. If she is doing well already, you are lucky. They eventually become more efficient and will eat quicker and with longer stretches between feedings. If you are miserable then by all means do what you feel is best, but I have heard plenty of women say they wish they nursed longer.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

Well, I stopped early all three times because there is some issue with my milk supply. Each time, my babies always seemed hungry, never satisfied, weren't gaining weight. I was very upset it didn't work out the first time, a little upset the second time, and by the third time I pretty much expected to have issues but thought I'd give it a shot anyway. Still felt pangs of sadness over it for a while though.

I sort of wish I was more like you...it sounds like you just know you don't want to do it. Follow your heart and do what you think works for you.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

I haven't stopped, but I'm not actually BFing either. DS never latched on, even after trying and I just started pumping and stuck with it.
After a week at home, I just stopped trying to get him to latch. We were both getting frustrated and I had already gotten into the pattern of pumping.
I find the exclusive pumping to work for me. I can time when I pump and give DS a bottle whenever and where-ever he wants. AND I can go out and leave DS home with DH and a couple bottles.

So, while I am still pumping, I know what you mean about having the baby attached to you all the time and wanting to move away from that. If you are comfortable with formula and don't truly love BFing, then I would just go with the formula. You know you tried and didn't like it...BFing is not for everyone.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

I never wanted to BF. I didn't try it. When DS was 2 weeks old I regretted it, BUT that was the baby blues. I don't regret it now. Formula was so much easier. DS ate every 4 hours. By 6 weeks he only had 5 feedings. I washed them in the dishwasher.
The only reason I felt "bad" not bfing was for the immunity. DS did not get sick at all his first year (maybe a cold or two). He didn't get his first ear infection until 18 months and never needed tylenol either. Now I think it is the child not the bm. Your child will be fine whatever you decide to do. I will not BF future children either.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

BFing is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Months went by and when we stopped I still felt guilty about not making it to my goal.

Honestly, I would give it another week. It will make or break you. since you seem to be teetering now, I would go for a week.

Also, if she has any allergies to milk...maybe you will know by then. Its so easy to nurse an allergy baby rather then switching to formula.

good luck! whatever you decide I think you did an incredible job just for being open minded and trying it!

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

As someone who did not ever try to BF, I would say stick with it a little longer.

I never even tried because I felt like I would never want to do it and it was really hard, but I kinda wish I would have.

If she is doing great , she will get faster and faster as time goes on. I have friends who bf and their kids eat from the boob in like 5 mins start to finish where it takes me at least 20 with making the bottle, feeding the baby, etc.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

I didn't breastfeed and I never regretted it. I just never had a desire to do it. I think you have to make the decision that is right for you. If you are unhappy with it then stop. If you are unsure keep doing it until you either start to enjoy it or know you can't go on.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

no regrets whatsoever.

i was a different person once i stopped pumping--happy, more energy, etc.

i don't even think i'm going to try with this baby.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

There is no reason for you to feel guilty if you do not want to breast feed. Babies who are formula fed do just fine!
HOWEVER, I promise you that it will get easier. For the first month or so I felt like a feeding machine. I had at least one baby attached to a boob pretty much all day long. DS had latching issues and it would take over an hour to feed him. DD latched fine but she usually nursed for 45 min or so - so by the time I was finished feeding both of them, it was time to start again. I cried so much and said I wanted to give up so many times. But it started to get easier around 4 weeks. Then at 6 weeks even easier. My original goal was 6 months. I am now almost at 8 months and intend on going the full year. They take 5 minutes to eat now. There are no bottles to prepare or clean (except at night - we give formula like you do at bed time). I am SO glad I stuck with it.
If you are feeling hesitant about stopping, I would try to hang in there for a few more weeks.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

i wanted to so bad and dd didn't lacth on, i was so upset cause i wanted to bf so bad. She latched on for a week and got Thrush and she didn't want nothing to do with it. I was going to Lc for 3 months to get to latch on.

So i pumped till 13 weeks and i stoped and i regret stopping wish i went longer.

So when i do have the next Dc i defty going to work on it and try harder and hope it works.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

With DD I BF for 4 months...and thought about quitting a few times then when I went back to work I weaned her. It was a lot of work in the beginning but got a lot easier after a few weeks.

With DS I did for about a week...my pump from DD broke so DH went out and spent $$$$ on a new one and when he came home I was crying saying I didn't want to do it anymore. He said whatever will make you happy. I felt guilty for about a day or so...and now I have no regrets!

There is no right or wrong decision. Happy mommy equals happy baby.

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

Thank you so much for all of the responses and for sharing your experiences I'm still trying to figure out what will be best for us, so in the meantime i'm still BF'g and pumping... until i feel more certain about what i want to do. I still feel pretty sure that i want to stop, but since you cant get your milk back after its gone, i just want to be certain.

Thank you, again!

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

Honestly, happy mommy = happy baby.

I never BFed, I really didn't want to at all, and then I didn't get milk, so TBH, it was almost a relief that I didn't get milk b/c there is definitely a guilt when you don't BF.

But, don't if you don't want to!

Re: If you didn't BF or you stopped early...

Posted by Palebride

I stopped early because I had no milk, so it's totally different from your situation. It was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through because I felt like such a failure....and it still makes me cry when I think about it.

But, as sad as it made me, and as horrible as it made me feel to stop.....it was a relief to get that time back! She would take 60 minutes to BF and then I would supplement with formula which would take another 30-45 minutes, so I had almost no time in between feedings and it was exhausting.

BFing is a HUGE sacrifice in the beginning....and I can't fault anyone for stopping. It's TOUGH!!