If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

(This is a little long) When we moved to our town we did our research and the schools rated fairly well. Now that I am actually a parent in the district, I am not thrilled. The elementary school is fantastic and the middle schools seem good but what I'm seeing and hearing in the community about the high school is pretty unimpressive. I keep hearing "it's what you make of it." To me, that's code for they are not getting what they should be from the school itself and parents have to be the sole driving force behind their kids success.

My older son is already well established in the elementary school. I am not comfortable with the idea of pulling him out and putting him in the private sector. He's made some great friends and he loves his school. My two little guys are going to be going in the fall. The private school in my town is just not affordable for us x2 and the catholic schools are in neighboring towns. It would be a major problem for me to get them there in the morning.

I really want to push for my boys to go to catholic high school. My question is how am I going to convince them to do that when they are already established in this community? Do I start now ingraining it in their head that they aren't going to this high school? Do I just bite the bullet and try to swing the private school now? I noticed that the private school in my town doesn't really offer sports so they would still be part of town leagues but then I think they won't have friends on their sports teams. I was also thinking that if they go to the private school, their friends will be from all over the place. Its fine for HS but for elementary school that will be a giant PITA for playdates. Ugh! I don't know what to do. (I know you can't tell by reading this but I said that in a total whiny voice). Any thoughts?

If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

You're the parent, you make the rules. You want them to go to Catholic High School, they don't have a choice/ I went to Catholic School from Kindergarten through College, but in High School I'd say at least 50% of the kids came from public school, across 4 boroughs, and they were all fine, lol!

If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

I went to catholic school. I lived in Queens where houses were literally on top of each other. I didn’t have a single friend who was within walking distance. So you’re definitely not wrong to assume that play dates would be a pain. My parents had to drive me wherever until I got a license. That’s a long time.

I always went to catholic school so I did t know any different. We had an influx of kids in 6th grade because parents wouldn’t want to send their kids to the junior high. The majority of kids from my catholic hs came from catholic elementary but I went to a small school. I’d guess it was more of a mix in larger schools. The testing to get into catholic hs was fairly intense. I remember going to prep classes on Saturday mornings, much like one would for the SATs.

I’m happy with the education I received. That being said, I have zero plans to send my DD to catholic school. I would look long and hard at the stats for both the public and catholic school. You might find that there is little difference in terms of the quality of education. The difference would lie in the other families who send their kids to the school. There’s something to be said for that, sure, but I don’t know what I would put too much stock into it.

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

My DD is currently in a catholic school for pre-k, and I could have continued her there for K and beyond. I did look into it since the tuition I'd be paying would be almost the same as I would be paying for her before and after care at the public elementary school, however I decided against it because the school would end in early to mid June and I would need to find childcare coverage for a few weeks until her summer camp started. (Which is my problem this year for pre-k).

ETA if you want them to go then send them, they will make new friends but you will probably just have to drive them since they won't be local...

Message edited 3/4/2020 10:12:03 AM.

If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

I'm a product of catholic school. Elementary and HS though, so I knew some friends going into HS because we all applied in elementary together.

However, most of my friends in HS were from public school. Many of the parents kept their kids in public elementary, then by high school they switched over to catholic. I have alot of friends from my neighborhood that did this (i grew up zoned for sewanhaka HS which isn't great, but the elementary was just fine.) Many of them went to the elementary until 6th grade, then when they approached high school (7-12), they registered for the Kellenberg Latin School.

Anyway, based on that, I would say your son would be just fine going into HS without knowing anyone. Because chances are, many of the other kids are the in the same boat.


Also, for the record: I was very happy with my education. I plan to send DD to our public school and I am going to encourage her to take the CHSEE test or whatever it's called. I would like if she went to Catholic high school. I felt they prepared me really well for college, and I remember feeling like I knew everything in my first and 2nd years of college, while some of my friends really struggled with writing simple research papers. JMO though!

Message edited 3/4/2020 10:41:27 AM.

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Thank you all so much for your insight. That makes me feel so much better about waiting until high school. Like I said, I think the elementary school is awesome and the middle schools seem great too. I see mixed reviews about the private and catholic schools in my area so I am leary of making the switch at this early age for a bunch of reasons.

As far as high school goes, in addition to academics, my impression is that catholic school (or any private school really) enforces discipline, respect and faith. Yes, a lot of that comes from home, of course, but I feel like values are emphasized in catholic schools. We have several distant family members whose kids go to St. Anthony's and Chaminade. I saw the kids recently at a party. DH and I were blown away by how articulate, polite, friendly and mature they were. Even how they presented themselves, in how they dressed and behaved. I feel like the school takes a bigger interest in prepping and shaping them to become good, successful men and women. I hope what I am trying to say here makes sense.

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

if you are committed to the idea of sending your children to catholic school, stick to it. your children will follow your lead... even if they don't always like it.

as far as which is better and/or worth the effort, i don't know.

my catholic school experience was a horrible one. one of the million reasons for it being horrible was my mother's motivation in changing our schooling. she did it to be "cool" with her new best friend. we ended up going for only 2 school years.

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

I went to a catholic school but it was back in my country, so it doesn't count. My DS is a freshman in a catholic high school now. He went elementary and middle school in the public school in our neighborhood. I love the experience he had there. It was a new school when he started, so it was a leap of faith to send him there, but because it was a new school, the families were very committed to it, so the community was/is amazing. Everything was so easy. Going to the park with his friends, very easy playdates, knowing all the families, etc.

The school doesn't have HS, so all of the kids were forced to look for a school in 8th grade. Now... kids at that age have formed personalities and know what they want. That's where I don't agree with the opinion that "you are the parent, you decide" at that age when thinking of HS.

I just want to share my experience in the process. We were looking for public HS and, because the system is so crazy and unpredictable, we decided to look for backups and started looking for private HS, but in our case catholics, because the other privates are soooo expensive. We went through that process and he got into the 2 catholic schools he applied. Then, we got the letter about the public HS. DS got into his first choice in both, specialized HS and regular public HS. That's when we felt we needed to listen to him and see what was the best fit for him. Of course, academically speaking, the specialized HS was so much better than the catholic one, but when we went there again, DS didn't feel it was a good fit for him. First, he felt like a minority, and students have too much homework, and DS likes to play baseball, so he wouldn't have time for that, it felt like a pressure cooker. DH felt the same, and I was more hesitant because of the good name of the school. The regular public school is also very good, and again, academically is probably better than his current school, but the commute was too long. DS had done the freshman for a day in the catholic school, and he felt great there, he felt it was a good fit for him, and also the commute was a good one. So, we decided to respect his opinion and he is now in the catholic school. He is very, very happy. Making new friends, but still hanging out during the weekends with his friends from the neighborhood.

Because I went to a catholic school and college, I trust the education he is getting there, not only academically, but integral education. So my point is (sorry for the long answer lol), to look more than the numbers. I definitely think they will thrive in an environment where they feel happy.

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

I think a lot can change in a few years with your school district, I would probably wait it out. I mean, just a few years ago, some of the districts that would consistently be called "bad" on LI, changed administration. They are now praised for their forward-thinking.

Also, I think when you're talking about hormonal pre-teens and teenagers, it's not as simple as just putting your foot down. They have BIG emotions and need to be a part of the decision process. Having them switch schools means tearing them away from friendships they've had since they were little. That can really backfire. What good is a better school if they become rebellious and a disciplinary problem? It's not a easy decision for sure.

If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

A lot of people we know that went to catholic schools and educated their kids in public elementary and junior high school now have their kids going to catholic schools. They took them on tours and they made their own decisions and don’t regret it in the least. I wouldn’t dwell now.

And who knows - your HS may be more what you are looking for by the time your kids go. It’s early to make that decision.

If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

I agree with some of the PP. I went to public school from K-8. My parents insisted I go to catholic hs. At first I was upset about it, but when i started in 9th grade i met a lot of new ppl who were also all displaced -- whether they went to catholic elementary or public school (there were many) everyone was mixed in together. I wound up liking the experience, but will say that if you are into sports, or need extra help it really wasn't a great environment.

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

My kids are in HS and went to public elementary. We never discussed Catholic HS and never gave it a thought because we live in a “good” district and neither my husband or I went to Catholic HS.
Despite this, my youngest expressed a strong interest in attending Catholic HS. We were shocked but supported him. I then realized that kids are very aware of their options, even the ones that aren’t discussed at home, and many kids choose Catholic Ed even without encouragement.
That said, if you talk about Catholic Ed positively all through elementary and middle school, you may have very little convincing to do when the time comes.

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Cross that bridge when you get there.
My friend's daughter is in the 8th grade. Earlier this school year my friend started asking her daughter if she would consider going to St. Anthonys HS. She is currently enrolled in public school. Her daughter was totally against it but agreed to take the TACHS. Even after taking the test she told her mom she didn't want to go to St. Anthonys and wanted to go to the same HS as her friends.
Once the acceptance letter came she totally changed her tune and was all for it. Her mom reinforced that she wasn't leaving her friends behind, she would still see them and text/snapchat/FaceTime but she would make a whole new group of friends and branch out. Her daughter is so excited and can't wait to start in the fall.

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

No catholic school and I don’t have kids but I’m answering for my husband.
He was in public elementary & middle school but HS his parents felt he needed more discipline. He protested. It wasn’t pretty. He hated it. It wasn’t an easy transition BUT he said it was the best decision on their part. The curriculum challenged him , making him a better student and the structure taught him a lot too. He hated his parents for a bit, but thanks them all the time for the move.

So it may not be easy, but you know your kids. You know what will be best for them. They’ll thank you later


ETA: he went to kellenberg. His cousin just graduated St. John’s and absolutely loved it there. She was in public school til HS as well.

Message edited 3/4/2020 10:49:23 PM.

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Re: If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

Message edited 3/5/2020 8:38:32 AM.

If you went to catholic or private school or your kids do/will, come on in

I live in Queens, in my area a lot of people (like myself) did public K-8 and then catholic HS. To be honest, the education I received at Catholic HS was NOT on par with my public school experience but I do know some schools are better than the one I went to. For my own kids I will see where they are academically. We live in Queens and if my kids did not get in to a specialized school or honors track at a good public school I would likely send to Catholic.