Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

I agree, you must earn trust.
Definitley seek counseling, don't throw your marriage away!
I wish you the best of luck! The people on LIF are a GREAT support system! We are here for you!

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

Seeing that everything does check out, do you really feel this is a major trust issue? I do not know enough about your situation, but it just seems to me that your husband lying was not meant to be harmful. I agree with Jenn- you need to find out his reasoning for lying. I just don't want to see anyone "not move forward" in theri marriage over something that might just have been someone not knowing how to cope with a difficult situation. You said that this is out of character for your husband. Maybe he just didn't want you to worry . . . .

I dunno, it just seems to me that either you are jumping the gun a bit, or there is more to this that we don't know.

Again, I am not trying to be harsh, just doesn't make sense . . . .

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

I agree I would go for counseling i would not get a divorce over this. IHope things work out for you both!

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

Oh Ladies, Thank you all so very much. I can't tell you how much your words mean to me You've really given me some perspective on this.

I also just want to let you know that although i do post on here, I am a new poster so I really don't know many of you. I am so so amazed at this wonderful support system you have here. I would come clean, but I would just be too embarrassed going forward. Thank you again

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

I'm glad you are getting all the info from him & it was "innocent". In the future though you should pay some attention to your finances. My Dh leaves everything up to me & although I appreciate his trust...it annoys me that if I make a decision regarding an account or whatever, he'll claim he knew nothing about it-he has access to everything-as I'm sure you did. Be aware & take the time to help your husband manage the money. I hope you can establish a new budget & get back on track. Good luck.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

Sorry to hear about this. My parents always tell me that I should know at all times what our finances are. I should sit down with DH monthly so I know what we are spending and what is in our account.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

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Message edited 2/13/2009 12:46:24 PM.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

Lying is a BIG issue for me. I think if I were in your shoes, I would be more concerned with finding out exactly why he lied to you. I know you mentioned that he wanted to protect you, but in the end, what did he truly protect you from? And was it worth it for what it has done to your trust in him? Have you asked him that question? You said yourself, once confronted, he continued to lie repeatedly to your face. That is not something I could let go of lightly, but I know I could at least try to work on it (with therapy).
As others on here have mentioned, DH and I BOTH know where our money goes every month. We actually take turns paying the bills and handling our money. And if I am the one taking care of everything, I keep him updated as to where we stand. And vice versa.

I am very sorry that you are in this position and I do wish you lots of luck with your marriage

Message edited 1/30/2006 6:59:34 AM.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED at the end of the thread.

I am glad you know what the money went too. I would be mad, but I would let it go. He spent it on bills and a vacation. The sneaking around was probably killing him

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

I had initially thought that everything was fine well, this evening, everything came crashing down. I found in my mailbox (I took his key so he couldn't access it after what transpired last week) a statement from a bank that I had no idea we had an account in. I opened it and low and behold it shows that my DH is carrying $14,000 in debt. I have accessed the account online but I cannot figure out when it was opened - he claims it was before we were married and didn't want to tell me about it.

So, I looked over the bank statements again and didn't see payments to this bank. I then figured out how to access his individual account online and found that the statements were COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. The psycho actually altered them to white out the payments on TWO loans he is carrying. I am in SHOCK.

Needless to say, I truly feel this is over.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

At first I was thinking talk and try to work it out...open the lines of communication. BUT after your update and now that you have discovered even MORE lies I would really consider professional counseling if you want to work on this marriage or if not I think you feel what would be right for you

Sorry you are going through this

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

Posted by Moehick

At first I was thinking talk and try to work it out...open the lines of communication. BUT after your update and now that you have discovered even MORE lies I would really consider professional counseling if you want to work on this marriage or if not I think you feel what would be right for you

Sorry you are going through this

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Trust is what holds a marriage together and I truly hope that the two of you go to counseling before calling it quits. My heart goes out to you!

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

you may want to consult a lawyer regardless of if you separate or not to see if there is any way to protect your credit from his debts.

Good luck. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

I'm sorry that it turned out this way. i just sw your post on the other thread, and was happy that you were able to come to an agreement. it really $ucks that it went the other way

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

There's nothing I can really say except this absolutely s***s. I agree with the others - either therapy or end it.

I know another couple who went something similar except that it was the wife shopping herself into $20K in debt after wiping out over $17K in savings. The husband was ready to end it over this, but they opted for therapy. She's no longer allowed access to credit cards or their savings account - and has to handle the household expenses on a very tight budget. He gets copies of both of their credit reports yearly. I don't know when (or if) he'll be able to stop checking up on her, but they're still together - and seem pretty happy.

Most importantly, protect your assets immediately. Whether you stay or go, protect your finances & credit.

Message edited 2/7/2006 9:17:44 PM.

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.

Good luck!

Re: If your DH lied to you would you...UPDATED 2/7.