I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I just thought i'd vent this out. Every time I try to do something, I think oh i might be pg wonder if I should do that. So, here it is 2 1/2 years later. And I'm tired of living like this. I do volunteer work for a local theater and we had our beginning of the season meeting last Saturday. And I remember last year sitting there wondering if I'd be back there next year if I had a little one. And here I am back there, and I'm in the same place. I'm just tired of it. I need to move forward. Why wont my body co-operate with my mind?????

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I'm so sorry you are still struggling. I can't imagine how painful it is.

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I agree...when we first starting trying 2 1/2 years ago...I sometimes hesitated making plans because I thought I would be pregnant.
Now I try to not think about it and worry about the plans should I actually get pregnant but it's hard not to think what if...
It really is hard...but I find it's good to have fun things to do to keep preoccupied and to look forward to.

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have felt the same way-can we plan a vacation, no I might have a dr.s appointment that week, or what if I get pg., I won't want to fly etc... etc...IF takes a hold of you in every way and doesnt let go...I always felt like, I didnt want to take a break because "what if this is my month and I screw it up...Easier said than done, but try to take it one day at a time and your day will come and this will all be one ugly memory

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I do this too, and it's so hard though not to. My husband and I go to the Opera alot, and we usually get season passes. So recently we had to put in our order for next season and there are a few Operas around the end of January, beginning of February that he wants to see, and all I was able to think about was if this next IVF cycle works, then I'll be due around then and those tickets will be wasted money. This is the one part of IF that I REALLY REALLY RESENT. I mean, it's not just the Opera, and it's definately not the only part of IF I resent, but it just really pizzes me off.

My dad has a house in VT that him and my Step-Mother are renting and thinking of buying as a second home, he is always asking when we can come up, this weekend, next weekend, etc... we're not telling my family this time that we are cycling for another IVF, and I hate lying to my father that we always have plans, when in reality, I'm busy shooting myself up and running for sono's and bloodwork on the weekends.

I just keep telling myself this will all be worth it someday.

I don't have any answers for you, but I can certainly sympathize with what you are saying!

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

My heart goes out to all of you!!


Unfortunately, I've been getting the same way. But I'm more crazed when it comes to the 2WW part. Silly little things like should I cancel going bowling with friends; what if I'm pregnant & don't know it?

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

As hard as it is, try to live life for the life you have today. You can always cancel a vacation, sell show tickets you don't need, make other plans, etc. when becoming pg changes your path.

(disclosure: this was written by a woman who won't look to leave a job I dislike because it's very flexible )

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

boy does this describe how I feel when it comes to job stuff..we have also been down this road for 2 years now and while i love the people i work with i am not doing the work I love and i have had a few opportunities but i passed them up because i was pregnant at the time (later mc'd) and now because we have such good insurance at my current job and it is such a risk to leave..it is hard i feel like i am literally putting all my eggs in one basket. on one hand i want to live my life to the fullest but on the other this is our priority and having ivf and immune meds covered plus flexible schedule to take off as needed is no small thing..urgh..so tough!!

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I hate it too! I don't buy new clothes because I keep hoping I will need maternity clothes, I don't plan long vacations, etc. IF stinks!

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

disclosure: this was written by a woman who won't look to leave a job I dislike because it's very flexible )

I'm right there with you; don't want to lose my coverage & they're aware of what's going on so I'm able to come in late, leave early, etc. But I hate my job so much!!

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I can sympathize. I feel as if everything in my life is on hold because of this. I am waiting and waiting, time is just flying by. It's all very sad.

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I did this all the time!!! NOW I do the opposite.. I commit myself, buy things I wouldn't if I was expecting, I try to do anything I can think of that I wouldn't have... Because I think THEN it will happen... How sick am I...

ie: "Oh I know someone who tryed for years and years, Finally they adopted and guess what She Got Pregnant!!! " Blah blah blah.

If I hear that story one more time I am going to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Dh said to me just the other day.. Did you ever notice that all these things happen to everyone but us!!

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

Oh my goodness. You've read my mind. I have felt this way soooo many times. Vacations, jobs, financial decisions, even stupid little things like going to a party or something.

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I am right there w/ you. It's been a year and a half for us and every time we try and plan anything or are invited to anything I think, "if this cycle works how far along will I be?"
Yesterday we found out that very good friends of ours will be getting married in Puerto Rico on January 10th and all I can think about is "if" we'll be able to go b/c if this cycle works I'll be 8 months. I'm also sick of living in 2 week increments.

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

Message edited 11/22/2010 11:01:13 AM.

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I hear ya. I really try not to do this... but I know that I do. We have a trip planned for disney in sept w/ my parents, my DB, SIL and their kids... and I keep holding off on booking the flights on the "what if", but I know that I really should book them already. If we get told I can't fly for some reason then we'd either cancel our trip or I know my dad would get a minivan so I'd be comfortable and drive down w/ my DH and I... if I even chose to go.
I find myself constantly figuring how far along I'd be in x month if I got pg this cycle... and then I keep being let down... it's really frustrating.

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I put off planning long term things too sometimes, all the while playing the "what if" game in my mind.

In March I ordered a bridesmaid gown for October too big in the hopes that I will need the extra room. More than likely, I will just pay through the nose to have the stupid dress altered smaller when the time comes and it will make me feel even worse.

Message edited 5/13/2008 8:07:28 PM.

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

I have learned a long time ago not to put life on hold for IF...if anything, there are times when you should put IF on hold for a few weeks if necessary, just to maintain your sanity.

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

Re: I'm so tired of putting my life on hold

oh I so 110% feel your pain!!!! Same here. It's like...ok....any day now. Just like that song "Waiting for my Real Life to Begin" by Colin Hay....Liza (lipglossjunky) reminded me of it the other day...so true. When will my real life begin? I guess we have to remind ourselves that we are in our lives and try to be present in them...but...I know what you mean