In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

Okay, normally I would post something like this on the relationship board but since it all revolves around pregnancy and my emotions are crazy erratic since being pregnant- I figured it would be best to post this here for advice instead.

Here is some background: I do not get along with my BIL's girlfriend. She is a terrible, terrible person (ex. cheated on BIL many times without using protection and sent him photos of her in action, told BIL he should kill himself over her, she is crude, she is selfish, she is loud and obnoxious, she de-friended DH and I on FB but expects us to act like her friend in real life, uses BIL and MIL/FIL solely for financial support, I could go on and on...). The problem is, MIL loves her and always sides with her and had no problem letting her back into the house even after everything she has done.

So I was visiting MIL and BIL's GF comes over and the three of us are talking. BIL's GF works in retail and she has an apple shape (big belly, small legs). She often gets customers congratulating her on her pregnancy or asking if and when she is due- even though she is not pregnant. She loves to talk about this and point out that others do this to her. She started comparing what people say to her in context to me. "Do people do that to you to?" (I was confused. Mistake me for pregnant? I'm ACTUALLY pregnant. So, I want people congratulating me and most of the time I have to tell people I am because they don't realize and when I do they say I am hardly showing). She was talking about looking pregnant and joking at work about being pregnant all night. She claims she likes to lie now to people and say "yeah I'm 5 months pregnant today...".

So the next day, DH and I were saying goodbye to MIL and MIL said "wait, I want to take a picture of your belly before you go because all of the people at my office that I work with will be expecting/wanting to see a photo on Monday". I said no, refused because I thought this was weird. She kind of kept harping on it a bit adding "well your face doesn't have to be in the picture- just your stomach". I thought that almost made it weirder. But what flew out of my mouth was a very rude joke because I said "well in that case, take a picture of BIL's gf's stomach and say it's mine".

DH started laughing and MIL said "ohhh, you are a b!tch" (meanly and seriously, not joking) and then followed with "that was really rude". Her face looked really angry and it caught me off guard. It was a rude joke, but BIL's gf talks about it on her own accord all of the time and basically asks for it. And it was a joke. Her responding in defense of the gf and calling me a "b!tch" is just plain rude in my opinion. DH claims because he was laughing, he must of missed it. He didn't hear his mother call me that.

I'm really angry and hurt by this now. WWYD? Am I totally in the wrong? Should I be upset with DH for not saying anything to his mother even though he claims he didn't hear her?

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

Whooooaaa. I got mad reading that!

Honestly, if your MIL wants to take the side of the cheating, lying girlfriend, let her.

I'm spiteful and I would also let her know that instead of spending time with my real baby she can go rub her son's GF's chubby belly instead. She would not be seeing my child anytime soon.

Even if my DH didn't hear her, he'd need to be on the phone telling her off.

I would distance myself. Fast.

Sorry this probably isn't helpful, but I really did get very mad reading that.

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

I dont need dh to tell his mother something.

I would have said "are you kidding me, did you not just hear the conversation we had with her?"
And walked away. What a ********.

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

That was hysterical what you said! Awesome! What was rude is your MIL saying that she'll take a picture of your belly without your face showing. If she wants to side with roundness, then let her.

I do think though that as preggos we are overly emotional and what in another time in our life would be brushed off, now now leads to unnecesary spats. I've had a share of those myself.

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

What non preggo wants to be mistaken as pregnant and thinks that's funny?! That's like a womans worst nightmare, she sounds NUTS and like an attentionwhore, especially since she kept talking and pretty much bragging about it. I thought your comment was hysterical, I would also be weirded out if MIL asked me for a stomach pic to show at work at we have a really, really close amazing relationship. And hey, if your bil's gf wants to brag about looking preggo then I guess she wouldn't mind posing for a preggo pic lol. Your MIL was the one over the line here.

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

i think its great your dh thought it was funny.

might need to have him tell his mom to take a chill pill

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

doesn't sound like you did anything wrong!

You should have your DH speak with his mom and tell her that what she said to you was very inappropriate. BIL's GF would probably appreciate what you said!

good luck

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

On its face, it seems like you don't like your MIL either. And I don't think it was a very funny joke. Tha GF might say it about herself, but however crude she is, maybe she jokes about it to hide her hurt feelings. How do you know that this isn't something that really bothers and upsets her?

Sorry, I think you were totally bitchy. That's not to say that I'd be okay with MIL calling me a b1tch but I think you were out of line and that was a b1 tchy "joke."

And why didn't you want her to take a pic? I think it's so sweet that she asked, she wanted to show you off.

I feel like there is more to the story here, or a history with your MIL.

Message edited 3/12/2012 4:07:21 PM.

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

honestly,

its great your dh laughted at it.

I'd have him set his mom straight, that the BIL GF tells strangers she's 5 months pregnant... AND that its really rude for her to call her daughter in law a b-tch especially when she's pregnant with her future grandchild.

take it with a grain of salt, if your IL's support your BIL's wacko GF you might want to limit the time your kid is around them so they don't also start to think its normal behavior.

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

Even though she jokes about her own belly being big, I can see how it could come off a rude to say what you said. But given the circumstances from the recent conversation the three of you had about it, it seems like your MIL should have realized that that's the only reason you made that joke. I'm sure you wouldn't have said that about her belly if she herself hadn't just said she was proud of it and all that. And even if your comment still offended your MIL, it should have been enough to just say so without calling you a *****. That's definitely crossing the line and very disrespectful. I can't imagine why she's so defensive of the GF with all she has put your BIL through. It must be awful to be goin through this while being pregnant. Hopefully your DH can talk to his mom and explain that you weren't trying to be mean and that you were very hurt by what she said.

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

Posted by LiveItUp

Even though she jokes about her own belly being big, I can see how it could come off a rude to say what you said. But given the circumstances from the recent conversation the three of you had about it, it seems like your MIL should have realized that that's the only reason you made that joke. I'm sure you wouldn't have said that about her belly if she herself hadn't just said she was proud of it and all that. And even if your comment still offended your MIL, it should have been enough to just say so without calling you a *****. That's definitely crossing the line and very disrespectful. I can't imagine why she's so defensive of the GF with all she has put your BIL through. It must be awful to be goin through this while being pregnant. Hopefully your DH can talk to his mom and explain that you weren't trying to be mean and that you were very hurt by what she said.

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

Posted by ShhhTTCin11

While BILs GF sounds like a real handful, I would imagine she might joke about the belly because it hurts her feelings that people say it. I think the comment was a little harsh, but MIL totally blew it out of proportion and was out of line calling you a b*tch. She owes you an apology- a "that wasn't nice" would have sufficed. I wouldn't have wanted to pose for a faceless belly pic, either lol.

Good luck, I am sorry she hurt your feelings.

Re: In-Law Problems: WWYD? (very LONG)

Posted by ShhhTTCin11

Posted by LiveItUp

Even though she jokes about her own belly being big, I can see how it could come off a rude to say what you said. But given the circumstances from the recent conversation the three of you had about it, it seems like your MIL should have realized that that's the only reason you made that joke. I'm sure you wouldn't have said that about her belly if she herself hadn't just said she was proud of it and all that. And even if your comment still offended your MIL, it should have been enough to just say so without calling you a *****. That's definitely crossing the line and very disrespectful. I can't imagine why she's so defensive of the GF with all she has put your BIL through. It must be awful to be goin through this while being pregnant. Hopefully your DH can talk to his mom and explain that you weren't trying to be mean and that you were very hurt by what she said.

Ita with this. While BILs GF sounds like a real handful, I would imagine she might joke about the belly because it hurts her feelings that people say it. I think the comment was a little harsh, but MIL totally blew it out of proportion and was out of line calling you a b*tch. She owes you an apology- a "that wasn't nice" would have sufficed. I wouldn't have wanted to pose for a faceless belly pic, either lol.

Good luck, I am sorry she hurt your feelings.