insensitive DH

so today is 4 weeks since my d&c, and its been a hard day. i was hoping for a little sympathy, or at least a hug, but my DH says to me.. how much longer are you going to be sad, isnt it time to forget and start thinking about the future.. um, i will grieve as much and as long as i need to..

Re: insensitive DH

Ugh, I am so sorry he said that. Men and women handle things SO differently. It is so hard for us, I am at the same point as you and its still really hard. I have my good days and bad, and that's what us girls are here for. My DH has really been great about it, but it is clear that they can handle their emotions and get over things a lot quicker. He is sensitive to it, but they don't see the constant reminders we do, they don't miss the feeling of being pregnant, they just can't relate. Try not to get too mad at him. I'd be hurt too - but men just can't relate like us women. If you need to vent or talk, please feel free to FM, like I said I know EXACTLY how you feel. Friday night I told DH that it was a month that the baby's heart stopped. He didn't realize that of course.

Re: insensitive DH

its true men and women do handle thingsso differently. often times i think is my dh even upset but then i realize we all have our way of greiving and most time teh mans way is to try not to talk nbaout it.

Re: insensitive DH

I'm so sorry...

I don't think men actually get it. It isn't their bodies nor their emotions. They don't understand all that we go through month after month especially after experiencing a loss.

Re: insensitive DH

Oh sweetie I am so sorry DH said this. It is true, they have no idea what they are saying.

I was in Roosevelt Field last night and instead of Christmas shopping, I was watching Santa with all the babies...it just made me cry.....

Re: insensitive DH

Im sorry he said that!

Re: insensitive DH

Re: insensitive DH

I am so sorry he said that...

Re: insensitive DH

I'm sorry he said that to you.

I had a similar experience with DH the other day. Our miscarriage was on November 11th and I said something on December 11th about it being the anniversary and he kind of rolled his eyes.

We had it out for a while, but it boiled down to him not understanding why I would focus on a sad thing and me not understanding how he could NOT focus on it.

Like someone else said, men and women just handle things differently. He probably didn't mean to hurt you, he just doesn't process things the same way.

Lots of hugs and baby dust to you!!

Re: insensitive DH

I just read a what I thought was an amazing book. It's called Girlfriend to Girlfriend A Fertility Companion. The author Kristen Magnacca, takes you on her fertility journey. Through the struggle, her and her dh handle things differently. I completely recommend this book. She also gives strategies after each chapter of how to deal with things.

Dh's are very hurt by loss. They just are better at repressing their emotions.


Sorry for your rough time

Message edited 12/21/2005 11:19:26 AM.

Re: insensitive DH

I think it also hurts them to see us hurt the way we do. I know my DH said that to me, and i overheard him on the phone with his aunt saying the same thing, and that he felt helpless and wanted to see the old me again.