Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

I have to stop watching my son from afar.

[Quick little set up]

When my alarm clock went off at 6am, I decided we only need 20 minutes to get ready for school in the morning and since we have to leave my apartment by 7:30 to make it to the bus stop in time for Aidan to board, we can sleep until 7am. (Aidan almost ALWAYS crawls into my bed around 3am, coincidentally immediately after Eric leaves for work)

For some reason, I can't seem to 'get' my alarm clock buttons right. So instead of changing the alarm to 7am, I accidentally changed the TIME to 7am so when my body clock woke up at 7:52 I jumped out of bed realizing Aidan missed the bus.

Not that big of a problem because I own a car, and Aidan's school is about 15 minutes away and the doors open at 8:37am. Meaning, we didn't have to leave our apartment until about 8:20 for us to be at school on time. So, I'll be about 1/2 hour late for work, but I work alone in my own isolated office (a story for another day...) it's not a big deal.

The reason for this little backstory? I drove him to school early enough for him to play with the other children in the schoolyard before the doors opened. (he loves that)

[/Quick little set up]

(((how is THAT for a tangent...?)

[breathe]

ANYWAYS...

There were a bunch of 'big kids' who were obviously friends, playing some game of tag together on the monkey bars.. One of them was pretty fresh with the others & casually (but with a serious undertone) teasing everyone. Aidan just bounced around playing by himself, but I can tell he was watching the other kids, kinda wanting to get in on the action. If someone teased another, calling them a 'poopy head' or whatever the cool thing to call someone in order to put them down is these days. (In my day, it was 'nice head' or 'jerkoff') Aidan would laugh along with them... and you can sense that he wanted to be involved but no one was noticing him.

[sn0rt] I always laugh when I think of the term...'nice head' WHAT DID THAT MEAN??? Neil McNeill ALWAYS said that to other people (the nasty little ****) and YES, I had a nasty neighbor named Neil McNeill. Scary thing is-- he was a JUNIOR. Cruelty X 2.

I know this is NOT an issue, but it breaks my heart or at least makes it beat a little harder for the little guy. He's always talking about 'the big kids' in the park and finding ways to impress them. It makes me just realize that one day he might get teased or feel left out.

Generally, EVERYONE likes Aidan. He gets along with other children extremely well and doesn't seem to have a shyness problem. He has no inhibitions with going up to a group of kids he doesn't know too well and involving himself.. (Jesus, where'd he get THAT from...)

[another tangent]-- my boyfriend has an issue sometimes because when we go out, I talk to a lot of people.. That's how WE met, ya know? i.e: I'm not shy.

[/another tangent]

I don't know why I'm so worried. Aidan has a lot of self confidence (of course i'm still pondering at what EXACT age we lose our innocence of just being ourselves...) I think this is part of the reason if not THE MAIN reason I enrolled him in Karate classes. If you KNOW you can kick someones ***, you have a lot more confidence in yourself... Simply put, but am I wrong?

And I KNOW I have bitched about this before.

[yes, another tangent in the form of a story I wrote about 2 years ago]

Let's get real, Most of life's lessons are first taught on the playground. Aidan was once the *new kid in the playground* and he's still at the age where no one really intimidates him. It doesn't surprise me that he blindly runs over to a group of older boys who were playing in the pile of dirt kids in the city use as a sandbox. Edging his way into the action one of them (an evil looking little piece of ****) stops the group & hollars:

"You can't play with us.. You're new. And you're probably in Pre-K"

If I remember correctly, this is the same little piece of **** that upon his arrival to the grounds one afternoon, notices Aidan playing with a bunch of other kids, stops his bike.. says to his friend:

"Who's that chump?" I assumed he was the mayor of the playground and I can only imagine this kid in High School.

I swore to myself, that when Aidan reached school age, and may be subjected to *teasing* that it will take every ounce of my energy to stop me from getting all Hand that Rocks the Cradle on anyone who dares to bother my sweet innocent angel of a child. You know the scene where Rebecca Demorney goes to the play ground and tells the bully to stop ******* with the little girl she's watching. That would be me.

Unscathed and unaffected, Aidan still tried to nuzzle his way in on the sand action as I just stood there, grabbed my heart, and watched. 'They'll work it out... they'll work it out...' I repeated to myself over & over as again, the little ****, this time with an entire chorus chanted:

"You're a baby... you're in Pre-K.."

And aidan's face turned into the angry stay-puff marshmallow man & replied:


'I'm not a baby!!'

This time, as the little trooper tried to penetrate the dirt sand circle, the boys physically blocked him out, even pushing him at times. By now, the moms of the older boys came running over to scold them for teasing. Of course, the little **** was left with a baby sitter who was on the other side of the playground chasing his toddler sister around. (She'll probably be the neighborhood whore one day.)

Always thinking on my toes, I grabbed the Spider-Man plane my brother Ben gave him for his birthday that we could not quite figure out yet, pumped it up & threw it as hard as I could. The darn thing took off & flew above the parking lot, 2 garages and made a quick turn towards one of the buildings. It quickly diffused the situation as all the boys went

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH" and ran towards it. All I could think of was: 'wow. the damn thing actually works.'

Of course, after Aidan & I returned to the park having retrieved the plane, they all surrounded him. Patting him on the shoulders, they were falling over themselves asking if they could have a turn next. Aidan, god bless his little heart was all excited & jumped around saying 'Ok, ok guys....' He was just so happy they were even talking to him... Hell, he's a better person than me, I would have told them to go **** themselves.. Especially the little ring-leader.

Then it hit me. My baby... my beautiful innocent little baby is entering a world of mean-spirited children and will most probably get teased for something or another. Just watching his innocence that day brought tears to my eyes, because he DOESN'T know how to be mean. He doesn't know when someone is even making fun of him he is that innocent. I don't know how long that innocence lasts... When do our children lose that sense of security? Watching how quickly the other boys turned against him within the time the little ******* who held the conch snapped his dirty little hands, scared me. Although I stayed out of it, I am not always going to be around to protect him. For goodness sakes, he is entering Kindergarten in a New York City public school this coming September. He might as well put away his Thomas the Tank ENgine toys & start playing with guns. He'll probably loose his virginity by 8, I mean let's face it: This is a generation that's lost an even bigger piece of innocence. This is a generation that lives with the everyday threat of violence in their schools. I'm going to elaboate on that thought later, but all I know is, we survived last Saturday.

Eventually the kids were all running about playing with each other, being civil. I heard through the network of moms at the playground that the little **** is a troublemaker. Luckily, I'm not the only one who thinks so.

(Ooooooh I will drop that kid on his *** so hard if he pulls any more **** with my baby)

As we were leaving Aidan was yelling at the top of his lungs

"Goodbye Nicholas... Goodbye Thomas... goodbye Donovan..."

No one was listening. God he's so sweet sometimes it makes me want to cry.

Later in the evening, I asked Aidan how he felt when the boys wouldn't let him play with him.. He didn't even bat an eye and said

"Oh they were just mean to me because they thought I was new, but I told them I'm not new anymore."

You're certainly right kiddo. You just survived the playground.

Jesus, who could even THINK of being cruel to this face:



[heart melts]

Is it ever going to end? Aidan said the other day that girls are lucky because they don't have to worry about being beat up. Yes, I told him.. but girls are MEAN to each other. Of course I went off on a tangent about how girls are petty and cruel and will hurt each other with words far worse than a black eye. Aidan lost interest when I went off on my rant and pointed out: 'but boo boos hurt.'

(OMG what if I have a girl someday?!)

KARATE FOR HER!

Did anyone ever see the movie Parenthood? There is this great scene towards the end where Jason Robards says to Steve Martin with regards to [Steve Martin's] 9 year old son having problems,

"It never ends. I'm 64. Larry's 27. He's still my son... ."

Throughout, it's the children who change the parents, the parents who suffer the growth pangs, who split at the emotional seams.

My mother always said that to me... No matter how old I am, (I'm 32) she will ALWAYS worry about me simply because I am her daughter.

I need to relax SOON, because he is only SIX... and I am having these emotions over him watching a bunch of older children on the school playground. AND HE WAS SMILING!!

Just being a kid, and watching.

Message edited 4/13/2007 2:58:22 PM.

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

that was an awesome post...
you made me cry- and my DD is only 5 months old...

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

OMG I am totally at my desk right now! And to think I am waiting for my son to learn to eat solids so I can "stop worrying" about him (choking). Yeah right. I will never stop worrying, I know that, but I thought it might get a little easier with time. Reading your post shows me that it definitely doesn't - but that it's just because we love them so darn much!!! Your son is a cutie and it sounds like he handled himself very well on the playground! Go Aidan!!!!

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

awesome post, I am sitting here trying to imagine that its my Aidan only 3 short years from now and I am clutching my heart!

Playground justice, baby... Aidan will show them he's the man! what a sweetheart!

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

Just like they said in the movie Parenthood (and what my MOTHER always reminds me)

IT NEVER ENDS!

Though, Don't CRY!!! It does get easier because we learn to cope with them... We just find different things to worry ABOUT.

<33333

and now, let's have a drink:

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

great post!!!!!!!!!!

mad me cry because I cant imagine the day I have to witness someone making fun of my son

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

I am putting my son in a bubble!

Aidan sounds like a great lil fella! I hope my son turns out to be a nice boy like him when he gets older!

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

hahaha anytime I read a horrific news story I say that I'm going to raise him in a bubble and home-school him.

Thing is, I think WE'RE more affected than our children are.

Aidans a great boy. He can be a little SNOT with me but overall, he's such a good boy.

I think I take it easier on him than most moms, at home (my FH says I'm too easy on him) because he is so politie and respectful when he's in the care of OTHER people...

As far as I'm concerned, he does well in school, and is a nice kid to people 'not his mom & dad' its ok if he doesn't always eat his dinner.

I'm learning so much about the world through my son, b/c I forget what its like to look at the world through innocent eyes.

It's beautiful...

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

I could have written this myself. It's so hard when you see such nastiness & your child just wants to play. Here's hoping it will get better!!

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

WOW! What a great post!!! It brought a tear to my eye!! It was beautifullly written!

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

Great post....but it made me think of things I didn't want to...one day my daughter will be on a playground and entering the world of finnicky friendships...I don't know if I can take it

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

Just heart wrenching. I dread the day when this will be Jake. Yes, he's not even 2 yet and I already worry about this.

Great post. And yay for Aidan!

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

Great post... I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

Great story- you are an amazing writer...

Being a mom really is the toughest job- It plays a toll on your heart wrapped up in emotion!!!!

I watched my 18 month old play with his 3 yr old cousin (whom I adore) on Easter- I cant begin to explain how many times I sat at the edge of my seat ready to beat down the kid who was pushing around my baby, telling him he couldnt play (and lets face it- my son IS STILL A BABY) he had no concept of what was going on...

Its so hard to sit back and watch- Honestly- I dont know how I wouldve been if the other child wasnt family

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

Its so hard to sit back and watch- Honestly- I dont know how I wouldve been if the other child wasnt family

It's so hard, but you learn to get better at staying away. I can't stand when moms pick fights with each other for the way their kids are treating each other... They are CHILDREN... Granted, you have every right to approach someone with tact and respect... I once saw 2 women cursing at each other b/c one toddler pushed another one down.

and DONT CRY!!! It's a beautiful thing b/c it reminds me that my (and your) son (children) has the opportunity to be a loving person. We just have to remind them to never be the bully. Ugh-- I tell Aidan everyday, 'don't ever be mean to someone for the sake of being mean'

I have plenty of proses written about my son and his adventures.. rest assured, I love sharing them & I'm sure there are plenty to come!!!

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

Great writing!!!
I can SOO relate to your story having 3 boys of my own

My oldest 4 is very quick-witted, sharp as a tack and 5 steps ahead of everyone but my 3yr old still has that precious innocence that we all dont want to ever let go of

and my 8m old, well I refuse to let him even turn 1 this summer!

I feel like I know you, another tangent queen! PHEW and I thought I was the crazy one Tangent is my middle name. Youre writing was just my pace and style!

Welcome to the boards!

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

I cry when I think about some bully picking on my baby girl

As a parent, I want to raise her to be strong, confident, kind, fair, etc. I know she'll still get picked on, but hopefully she'll have enough self-confidence that she can brush it off and realize she doesn't need to worry herself or waste her time or tears on mean-spirited people.

We as parents need to teach our children to be kind to each other, especially to those who may be weaker, younger, shy, an outsider, the new kid on the block, etc.

Children can be very cruel, but they only know what they are taught. And if they pick up bad habits at school, then they need to be corrected.

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

great writing- you should submit this to a parenting magazine.

I know excatly how you feel. My DS is 4 and my DH and I are always fighting an urge to smack some kids parents (* we realize we cant smack the kid*).

DS will be startng in a NYC school in September too and I am so nervous. NO doubt in my mind he will be 100% fine with it, I will be the one with the belly ache

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

The part about my son starting school was written 2 years ago... He's now at a DIFFERENT nyc school to which he takes a bus (it's a better school that has a unique art program)
Now I am dealing with putting him on a bus of children that look like they just got out of Juvi.. And there has been *talk* that there are three siblings that pick on the other boys. For some REASON, my child insists on sitting right next to them every day (he says they play cards with him)
He's so much smaller than they are so I stand at the bus stop watching like a HAWK until the bus drives away. lol

anna-- I write the way I think... run on sentences and tangents GALORE!! I have to tell you, its exhausting being me.



JennieF- Its so important for us to raise our daughters to be strong, Girls can be MEAN, im terrified of having one. Have you ever read a book called 'Reviving Ophelia?' I heard its really good and helpful. I read the boy versions "Raising Cain" and "Real Boys" its about protecting their emotional side.

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

oh and thank you everyone for the warm welcomes. I came to this site via liweddings b/c I'm planning my wedding. (I was a single mother for 5 years, I wish I knew about this site earlier!!!)
We do live in queens, but I'm originally from LI.

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

What a great post (and excellent writing)!

I'm in a similar boat now. My heart was breaking this past week because my little Alex P Keaton came home from school & said "Mom, I can't wear my blazer (which he loves) to school anymore. Everyone said I was going on a date."

We spend years building up their confidence, telling them how wonderful they are only to have that truth (because it IS the truth, they all are great) shattered by someone else's bullying.

I was neither the bully nor the one bullied growing up. But I stood by & watched too many kids bullied & didn't say anything. Now I can't keep quiet if I see bullying with adults. I can't imagine how hard it's going to be to keep my mouth shut with my child. I never realized how the growing pains of my child were going to be more mine to bear than theirs.

My husband was a bully . I suspect it's going to be much worse for him.

Re: Introspective mommy moment..plus playground etiquette

I was never bullied or a bully either. I was always nice to people and I hope I can raise Aidan to be the same. It breaks my heart that other kids can break our babies spirit.

I love your Alex P. Keaton line