is it silly that i feel upset?

am I being silly that I get upset when everyone says our daughter looks just like my husband. even features i think she looks like me I have people say theyre exactly like his.
when I see a baby I always say it looks like both of them but Im getting that from no one. im i silly for getting upset and feeling this way because I was the one who carried her and gave birth to her and wakes up in the middle of the night for her.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

it may be silly, but I can tell DH feels the same way that you do. Everywhere we go, we hear "he looks JUST like his mommy!!!"

Today, DH spent 15 minutes pulling out his baby pictures to convince me that DS looks like him. NOPE, sorry.

Silly or not, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

This happens to me A LOT. I actually don't mind it most of the time, but some people are actually really rude about it. It's one thing to say, wow, Lucy really looks like DH. It's a whole other thing for an extended relative who I've met maybe once and don't even recognize to assault me at a family wake, not say hi, how are you, congrats, but to grab my arm and say in the snottiest voice, "I'm sorry, your daughter's adorable, but she doesn't look a thing like you." True story. I mean really where do people get off, I don't even know who you are, and then I never even know how I'm supposed to react to something like that.

I try not to let it bother me, but it still bugs me even when people are tactful about it because she is 50% of my DNA and actually looks a lot like me as a baby but no one here knew me as a baby (my family's OOT) and DH's family are the types who really like to take credit so it totally gets old. I actually think she looks like both of us and my family, who also has more manners generally, says the same.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

It is not silly to feel upset at all.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

Not at all. My son is half Filipino, but he looks nothing like me, and totally like DH (the filipino side). I get asked all the time "who's baby is this", and when I say he's mine, I get looks. I feel like people think I'm the babysitter sometimes. It does suck b/c we carried them for 9 months, do so much of the "work" (I'm a SAHM), and people don't even think he's mine.

I try and joke about it, but it still upsets me.? You are not alone.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

everyone says dd looks exactly like my dh. she does so i cant argue but i kinda wish she looked more like me sometimes just b/c she is mine too!! even though i think she is the cutest thing ever.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

It's a species survival technique. Most babies have a strong resemblance to the father for a while. For the human species, as cavemen, it convinced the baby's daddy to stay with the child, since he was assured that it was his. After a certain amount of time, when said daddy has bonded with the baby, and isn't questioning the lineage, the baby will grow into whatever they are going to look like, whether it be the mother, stay like the father, or be the spitting image of Uncle Frank or Great Aunt Gertrude.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

You aren't silly. Personally I don't get annoyed at that, but DO get upset when people act like I should be upset. Like "sorry mom, I think this one looks like dad!". I don't care and frankly I don't see likenesses. I just see my beautiful DC.

Eta: DS looked exactly like DH as a newborn and then turned into the boy version of me.

DD....well, we get she looks like me, DH, DS.....the one that upset me was when my girlfriend told me the other day that DD looks like MIL!!!!

Message edited 7/6/2010 7:53:50 AM.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

When Dd #1 was born, EVERYONE said "omg, she looks just like Chris." my dh. even my mother wouldn't give me anything.

But as she's gotten older, she's starting to look more liek me.

Don't let it get you down.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

I am SO in your boat. It doesn't make me upset but it can be VERY annoying, depending on the way someone says it. The other day we were at a party with friends from DH's side that have known him since he was a kid. This one lady goes, "I hate to tell you this Tara, but your child looks nothing like you. She is ALL Brett." Um, thanks.

It gets very tiring hearing this all the time. Makes DH feel really good though. I feel your pain!

I must say though... I don't get how people see it so easily cuz I don't all the time. I only see it at moments...to me, she just looks like the cutest baby in world!

Message edited 7/6/2010 8:11:14 AM.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

Posted by GoldenRod

It's a species survival technique. Most babies have a strong resemblance to the father for a while. For the human species, as cavemen, it convinced the baby's daddy to stay with the child, since he was assured that it was his. After a certain amount of time, when said daddy has bonded with the baby, and isn't questioning the lineage, the baby will grow into whatever they are going to look like, whether it be the mother, stay like the father, or be the spitting image of Uncle Frank or Great Aunt Gertrude.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

thanks
its good to know im not alone.
I can see how rude people are!!

i think what set me over the edge was when i confided in a friend of mine that i was starting to get upset when people keep saying that she looks like dh and than when we went out to dinner with her she made it a point to say sorry i know it bothers you but she looks exactly like dh.


the day after she was born dh and my mom were in the room when my ob came and than the nursery brought in dd and my ob was like omg shes an exact copy of dh and me and my mom were saying she looked like me too and my dr was like noooooooooo your wrong and was like fighting us about it. real rude

dd has pointy lips which dh def doesnt have and i have and i get so mad when people say that its his mouth.

i dont care what the baby looks like I always say its a combo of the parents but im not getting anything here and to be honest its making me from upset to depressed.


I dont want to feel like this. I went through so much after birth with the pp preclampsia I really dont need a depression.

Message edited 7/6/2010 8:16:46 AM.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

It's not silly to feel upset Because of their features, a lot of people think that DS and DD looks like my DH... and they do, to an extent, but when you compare pics of them to my own baby pics you can see a real resemblance there too, so that makes me feel "better"

I have had some friends ask me if I am sure they are mine

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

Posted by MrsSpring

thanks
its good to know im not alone.
I can see how rude people are!!

i think what set me over the edge was when i confided in a friend of mine that i was starting to get upset when people keep saying that she looks like dh and than when we went out to dinner with her she made it a point to say sorry i know it bothers you but she looks exactly like dh.


the day after she was born dh and my mom were in the room when my ob came and than the nursery brought in dd and my ob was like omg shes an exact copy of dh and me and my mom were saying she looked like me too and my dr was like noooooooooo your wrong and was like fighting us about it. real rude

dd has pointy lips which dh def doesnt have and i have and i get so mad when people say that its his mouth.

i dont care what the baby looks like I always say its a combo of the parents but im not getting anything here and to be honest its making me from upset to depressed.


I dont want to feel like this. I went through so much after birth with the pp preclampsia I really dont need a depression.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

I've heard of the survival theory as well...and it's actually somewhat true for us..for the first 6 mos DD was a spitting image of DH, not one feature of mine..I was sooooo upset, and wasn't afraid to tell anyone I was... Now, at 18 mos she has completely changed, and there are days where she literally is the spitting image of me and my grandmother, and some days there are things of DH in her...but totally not silly to feel upset, my own father kept saying to me, OMG there is nothing of you in her, I almost cried when he kept saying it...

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

My DD looks SO MUCH like my DH. She has a few features of mine but no one notices them. I don't get offended at all because I think my husband is extremely good looking. Yes it stinks that we do all the work and they resemble their fathers, but as long as my DD is healthy and happy I don't care who she looks more like!

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

My first son looks just like my husband (or so I'm told - I really don't see it) and I take it as a compliment.

My second son supposedly looks just like me (don't see it again)

As long as they don't look like the mailman I'm happy

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

Eh, it's not silly but you kind of have to let it go.

DD and DS look exactly like DH, they have since birth and everyone comments on it.

There is hope though! At 3, DD is starting to look a little like me (hair and eye color), so you never know!

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

Posted by GoldenRod

It's a species survival technique. Most babies have a strong resemblance to the father for a while. For the human species, as cavemen, it convinced the baby's daddy to stay with the child, since he was assured that it was his. After a certain amount of time, when said daddy has bonded with the baby, and isn't questioning the lineage, the baby will grow into whatever they are going to look like, whether it be the mother, stay like the father, or be the spitting image of Uncle Frank or Great Aunt Gertrude.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

Strangers even come up to us and say how much DS looks like DH. I don't get upset about it, but it does make me happy on the rare occasion when someone says DS also looks like me.

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

People are forever saying to me

"I hate to say it, but she looks exactly like your husband"

A- why do you hate to say it? my husband is good looking and he IS her father..
B-she's 3 months old, she's changing every day

I don't get upset, DD always wants her mommy! So I tell Dh, she may look like you, but she's a momma's girl all the way!

Re: is it silly that i feel upset?

Posted by Myababy

everyone says dd looks exactly like my dh. she does so i cant argue but i kinda wish she looked more like me sometimes just b/c she is mine too!! even though i think she is the cutest thing ever.