Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

First, I miss you girls!!! I Can't come on at work that much anymore because I am still training the MORON who will temp while I'm out on leave.

Second, i know I've told you guys about the issues with FILs wife...I just feel like it's getting out of control and taking it's toll on me & Dh and I just don't know what to do anymore.

The two latest things:
My mom wrote something as her facebook status as something like "so excited to meet my grand daughter in 5 1/2 weeks" PPL were making all these great comments and stuff...FILs wife writes "grandpa is getting excited too" Well, my mom and I got tons of mesages/phone calls about that. Why would she say he is excited and now WE are excited. I know that this is not your grandchild (thank goodness for that!) but it's a baby!! Who is so self fish that they can't be excited about a BABY!! My mom wrote back "XXX, we are ALL excited about the baby"

FILs wife then messages me on FB, saying "since you are not having a shower, FIL and I would like to see you soon to give you the many gifts we have for the baby" I mean, a message on FB?? a phone call or at least text would have been more appropriate, I think! I didn't answer. PLUS, I know she knows I'm having a shower. People have been making comments about it on FB. THEN FIL calls DH yesterday and says "are you having a shower this weekend?" Dh said yes, but told him it was small, only 20 ppl (it's over 50) and just my close family. His dad didn't say anything, but also said he wants us to come out to suffolk (we live in queens) to pick up our gifts. I told DH to tell them THEY can trek here, since I am EIGHT months pregnant.

DH is trying to keep peace. I know that. And I don't want to drive a wedge between him and his father. I just feel like his father is obviously taking his own wife's side OVEr his one and only child's. I wish DH would take my side over anyone elses. DH said it's hard for him, bc all he really has is his dad and it hurts that he didn't do anything to cause this, she started this for NO REASON. I just feel like I am the pregnant one, I am emotional, I am tired and I should not have to make allowances for HER. She is nothign to me. I want FIL to be a grandpa to DD and I really hope he steps up to the plate with that, he never has before. Dh said if he doesn't, that is when he will onfront his dad. I told my Dh, she can say or do whatever she wants to me, i don't care. BUT, my daughter is an innocent child and I will NOT allow this woman to upset her or say anything bad about her/to her.

UGh, this is so long and I don't even know what I'm looking for here. Maybe just to vent..
DH is depressed about the whole situation, I am upset too. I hate that's upsetting my husband. I hate that he's not in my corner 100%. I hate that I have to deal with her. Things are tense at home every time the shower comes up, everytime his dad comes up. It's just a bad situation and I don't want that surrounding the birth of my first child.

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

I really have no advice, she sounds like a total wackjob to me. I am sorry

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

I remember your other posts about her commenting that she didn't want to be called grandma, etc... But to be honest with you, I don't see as much wrong with what you just posted as you obviously do. I may not have all of the information, but why would you not have invited her to the shower? I think that's a little insensitive. How would you feel in her shoes? Maybe I'm just misunderstanding something here. And if they have gifts for you, I agree that they should bring them to you, not the other way around. But do you think FIL went out and bought them for you? I would assume she was the one who went and purchased them.

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

I just wanted to send many . I am going through some drama myself with my mother and sister. I know how hard the stress can beat down on you.

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

Not reading your other posts, and having IL issues myself....I am sorry.
THIS particular incident seemed pretty harmless though. The FB post seemed more like her not wanting to step on toes, but I can definitely see how it could upset you.

I am admitting something here, but I definitely take everything my ILs say and read into it, sometimes more than I should. Yes, they are insensitive people, and because we have a history, I always hold that against them......sounds like the FB incident might be that too, no?

Whatever the case, just try to be excited for your shower and upcoming baby!

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

all i saw was that this involved FB and I am so glad I gave it up for lent

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

I don't see why seeing grandpa is excited too is so bad.... your mom is excited, his dad is excited too... but I'm sure there's more to it. To be honest, I think you should have invited her to the shower.... for his father's sake and for your DH's sake. How long have they been married?

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

I did post on here about why she wasn't invited to the shower a while ago. My mom asked FIL to be involved with the shower, not just money wise, but who they wanted to invite, etc...She called him a few times and they spoke, but he never ever called her back AND when Dh reminded him, he said he couldn't help out financially and therefore was not getting involved and told DH it was because of his wife. Basically, she told him he shouldn't contribute and the shower was for Me, so it was my mom's responsibility. He still never had the decency to call my mother back and tell her he didn't want to be involved.

She has made many comments and given us tons of grief from the day we got engaged. Basically she wants nothign to do with us becuase DH is not her son.

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

I think as an isolated incident, the comment on FB is not too bad but remembering all the other BS this woman has put you and DH through I can understand why you are so frustrated and upset. I agree with you that they should come to you to bring the presents and not the other way around.
I'm so sorry things continue to be so bad with her and I really that FIL will step up and be a good grandfather once your little one is born. Good luck to you and many, many

Try not to stress out too much (I know, easier said than done) and focus on the positive....your shower this weekend (mine is this weekend too ), the arrival of your LO in a few weeks, etc....this witch is not worth the aggravation!!

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

So sorry that you have to go through this stress.

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

I am sure there is much more to the story that you haven't posted here but from what you posted I don't see it as a huge deal. She seems insensitive and a bit selfish but I wouldn't let it get in the way of your DH's relationship with his father. Trust me you could be stuck with much worse inlaws.

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

ugh i know what you're feeling, IL's are monsters. just rude, insensitive, miserable, vindictive people who have gone out of their way to upset my amazing DH. what sucks is it seems your FIL doesn't have the audacity to take his own stand against this controlling _____ (insert your own word here).

i have read some of your other posts and i feel your frustration. i don't know how i feel about the facebook post about grandpa being happy (not sure how i would take it if i was you), but them not being invovled in your shower definitely sucks (mine wasn't and didn't even RSVP) but i still invited her because of my DH. and if they don't come to you in queens, then have them ship it.

there is nothing you can do to change the situation so try not to be surprised by her ridiculous comments or actions. put her out of your mind, you have much more important things to worry about.

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

I'm so sorry that you are 8 months pregnant and having to deal with this I've been reading your other posts as well, and honestly, if I was in your shoes, I have to admit that I would probably feel the same way you do about the facebook comment. I am starting to hate facebook for this reason. People post things on there, and you are just not sure how to take them. Anyway, I wouldn't have invited her to the shower either. FIL I'm sure told her that your mom called about it, she could have taken the initiative and called your mom back, since it is a "girl" kind of thing. JMO She could have just told your mom, we really don't have the $$ or whatever, and that would have been the end. I'm sure if that's what she would have said, you would have invited her. But being that they didn't even call or give a list, the hell with them! Enjoy your day with your close family and friends. I know it's hard on DH, and I can't imagine being in your shoes right now. Just try not to be the one to always bring up stuff, that's what I would do. Let him vent and just be there to support him. Good luck and have a great time at your shower

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

Oh sweetie-you know I could write that post except I would substitute FIL for MIL. Hopefully the baby being a reality, being here, will change things.

If not, you have to do what I do-I live by the mantra-God, give me the strength to accept that which I cannot change. I am in therapy for almost a year, and I am still learning how to deal with these whack jobs. I think you might benefit from the same. The reason I say that is because when you are like us, and born into normal families, this is hard to stomach because I know I always ask, "How do people act like that???"

I told DH that they could poop on my head as long as they treat Miss Bean like a princess. I hope for our girls' sakes, these people step up!

I am here if you need to vent! I know what you are going through. My ILs were a big part of our decision to move to Florida.

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

I don't really see what FIL's wife has done wrong...maybe you left a few things out....perhaps they feel left out for not being invited to the shower as the future grandparents of your LO...anyway...i'm just an outsider here so I probably don't really know everything, so I hope you feel better and not let this bother you too much

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

Re: Issue with FILs wife is taking it's toll on us..VERY LONG, SORRY

Posted by ginapie08

I don't really see what FIL's wife has done wrong...maybe you left a few things out....perhaps they feel left out for not being invited to the shower as the future grandparents of your LO...anyway...i'm just an outsider here so I probably don't really know everything, so I hope you feel better and not let this bother you too much