It's so hard trying not to compare...

I went back to my posts about Alex at this age, and it's a world of difference between the two - at this age, Alex was already brimming over with personality. She was rolling over, grabbing toys, putting them in her mouth, holding her own bottle while she ate, had one tooth come out already and was a whopping 16lbs!

Yael... um... Yael is the sweetest, most cuddly, adorable little baby, but she's still a little peanut and not doing anything of these things yet, at the same age! She's also the most serious, intense baby on earth and REALLY makes you work for a smile or a laugh.

I can't help but worry a little about her - I don't want her to always feel like she's living in her sister's LARGE shadow, and always feeling like she has to live up to her personality.

I have to stop comparing, don't I?

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

YEs you do even though I do it too! My DD was a peanut, woke up every 2 1/2 hours for nearly 2 years!!! made us turn ourselves inside out for a smile etc etc. Now my DS is a total chunky monkey, will smile at the drop of a hat, is grabbing everything in sight, is REALLY reactive etc etc so in a nutshell is totally diffrent to DD. So it looks like I have the opposite which is probably easier.

I have to say though that even though DD made us work for a smile when she was a baby she is now the most loving free spirited bundle of devilment you would ever meet so this is no indication of how Yael will turn out to be - it could be Alex living in Yael's shadow in a few years.

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

Both of my kids have such different personalities. Declan has the personality of Alex-big, always laughing, full of personality. Everyone gravitates towards him because its so easy to get a laugh. He's bigger, stronger, has crazy strenth, sat first, cruised first etc

Ronan was much harder to get a smile out of. Very serious and intense. Also never crawled like Declan still belly crawls. Now that they are both a couple of weeks away from 1 they are much more even. Ronan laughs a LOT now and finds humor in a lot of things. I think just give it some time.

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i am trying so hard not to do it. i read the book "siblings without rivalry" because i was desperate for DD#1 to "like" DD#2 (once she was born she ignored her, then came a nasty phase, now it's getting slightly better ). i want to get into the habit now so it's not so hard to break in the future...

my DD's are total opposites, but both yummy in their own way

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

I think it is only natural -- after what you experienced with the first, you kind of "expect" the same with the second. I know I am guilty too. At 6 months old, Marron was sitting up by herself, rolling over both ways, pushing up completely, grabbing toys and playing, and was obviously very bright. But she was also a very difficult baby, and always seemed unhappy. Erin on the other hand is still not doing any of the things I listed, but she is a much happier baby, always in a good mood and so easy to please. It is hard for me not to compare just because of what I "expect" to be happening, but I am making a concerted effort.

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

My 2 were the same way. My little one was always very serious barely giggled as an infant. DS was giggle if you sneezed . Now my little one is almost 2 and half and within the last month her personality has changed so much. She will smile at strangers instead of frowning at them, she will give family members hugs without bribery, she will talk to anyone almost now. She is also always smiling which is my favorite part. She also did things later, I was just looking at videos on the computer and DS started crawling around 6.5-7 months and dd was 10 days shy of 9 months old when she started to crawl and didn't roll over until almost 7 months.

I am sure she is fine and perfect.

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

I think it's almost impossible NOT to compare. My DDs are polar opposites in almost every way--that's what I love best about them. Who wants the same child twice?

Now, I do think most times, it's the parents/grandparents/teachers who cast a larger shadow than the child herself, KWIM? I know I find myself gravitating toward one of my DDs, while my DH gravitates toward the other. It doesn't mean we love one more than the other--or even like one better. For another example, my MIL ADORES Katherine--she was the first girl in their family after four decades of boys! Abby kind of takes a backseat there...but FIL loves her because she reminds him of himself as a little kid.

Katherine knew her colors and letters first, but Abby rolled and walked first--obviously, they both know these things now. Katherine is SUPER girly while Abby loves dinosaurs and Thomas the Tank Engine--maybe THOSE kinds of things won't change and that's just who they are. As far as how we, as adults, feel about their differences--it's all about finding the balance. Taking time to appreciate them in all their individual glory is what it's all about!!

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

its hard not to compare. Brooke seem to be about 1 month behind Kaitee in milestones.

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

I would say...yes. Try to push yourself away from doing that if you can because it only leads to worry and frustration...and Yael will know. Not now but if you develop the habit of constantly comparing I think you will do it even more so as she gets older. No one wants to live in their sibling's shadow through their parent's eyes. Easier said than done but it's what I keep telling myself as I prepare for #2.

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

I do not really compare. Perhaps it is because they are different genders or perhaps it is because I simply do not remember when DD did things.

So I guess my advice is - if you do not want to compare them then do not look back in the baby book to see what #1 was doing at the same time.

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

Its hard not too.
The other day, I posted on here about Carolynn rolling belly to back.
In related topics, there was my post about Bryan doing the same.
Carolynn (who was a preemie, 7 weeks early and has Ds) so far, is about a month (or a few weeks) ahead of Bry.
Now, waiting to see how long it takes her to go belly to back.

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

Enjoy it. I think it's really interesting to see how different siblings' personalities can be. While she may not be as full as personality at this age as Alex, she's developing her own personality.

My DS used to make you work for a smile or a laugh, and is still that way with people he doesn't know well. He's a very sweet boy, though and turned out to be very affectionate.

Re: It's so hard trying not to compare...

I thought DS was a very serious baby the first few months--he smiled but not so easily, you did have to work for it. He laughed later than a lot of children about his age.

But at some point, he became very smiley and funny. When he is happy he is very happy these days and everyone knows it. When he is unhappy, well it is the same.

I guess my point is that his personality now is very different than I would have said it was as a newborn. So Yael may change, and she may not as well. Either way she will certainly be different from her sister in many ways, and as she learns to do more, you will see more of her personality emerge.