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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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IVF decision
I was telling Dh about when we may cycle..etc.. and he says, so we're doing IVF?
I said yes, what do you think we were doing at Cornell?
He said, but we've only been trying 6 months..we could be right now..
I said, I know and that would be amazing, but we don't have the luxury of trying for 6 more months and waiting.
You could tell he is nervous as he ll. He has no idea what nervous is.
It looks like we have more talking to do.
I guess it will take a little more time for him to be onboard with this. I mean, we spent over an hour at Cornell, the blood work, the chat with Dr. Davis..what is he thinking?
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Posted 8/6/08 10:09 AM  |
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babyfaith
Onward and Upward!
Member since 2/08 3210 total posts
Name:
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Re: IVF decision
My DH was freaked out by IVF in the beginning also. Keep talking about it and he will eventually come around. Good luck!
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| Posted 8/6/08 10:11 AM |
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karenk71
Love
Member since 6/06 1547 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: IVF decision
My DH was the same way. I think it definitely takes longer for guys to understand it all.
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| Posted 8/6/08 10:16 AM |
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BA2008
Need to find some hope!
Member since 2/08 2485 total posts
Name:
Beth -Ann
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Re: IVF decision
ITA with PP. I think most of our DH were the same way. I wonder what it is about it that scares them the most?
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| Posted 8/6/08 10:19 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: IVF decision
what scares him is that he will be a father!
i think he is equally as disappointed as am I that we couldn't get this done the old fashioned way although it's still a chance, albeit small.
If I was 31, we could try for another year. I'm not. That's just the cold hard facts.
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| Posted 8/6/08 10:23 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: IVF decision
i have to admit, I'm a bit freaked out about his attitude right now.
I didn't think I had to convince him.
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| Posted 8/6/08 10:24 AM |
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BA2008
Need to find some hope!
Member since 2/08 2485 total posts
Name:
Beth -Ann
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Re: IVF decision
Posted by Blu-ize
i have to admit, I'm a bit freaked out about his attitude right now.
I didn't think I had to convince him.
I know I know...been there. We had so many fights. I'm too emotional about this to talk calmly. And I just turned 38 when we started, so I let him have some time. And then one day I realized I will be 39 in a month. So, I made the HSG appointment (without telling him) and then made an appointment with the RE and just told him what we were doing. But, I'm used to that with DH. We dated 7 years before we were married and I had to say book the date with me (engaged 2 years) or lets move on. We all know this saying.
I think when they realize how important it is to you, they come around. They do have all the time in the world and we don't.
Its very frustrating. But, you are going to have to have the talk. Sooner than later. Pick a good time, when he's happy and content (like after BD'ing).
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| Posted 8/6/08 10:32 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: IVF decision
Yep, we have to talk so the decision is made. We are going away Aug 15. Maybe then is a good time to solidify things.
I thought after meeting with Davis, he would be clear about it. I mean he let them take blood from him. We talked in the cab back..etc..
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:02 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: IVF decision
My DH and I are the opposite - DH is gung-ho for trying IVF, yesterday, and I'm was really dragging my heels for a while.
Speaking from the other side, IVF scared me. Not the process itself, but the significance and meaning of it. I always saw it as a last resort, and as that last resort came up upon us, it really took the wind out of me when I realized that we don't have many options left after this.
It's daunting when you think about it in the grand scheme, so maybe it will help your Dh if you talk about it more, and talk about next steps, so he knows there's still a plan, and that this is not the end of the road, just in case it doesn't work 
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:04 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: IVF decision
He sees it as a failure I guess. Me too in a way, but I'm hopeful that there is this technology.
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:08 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: IVF decision
Is he still concerned about the risk of multiples?
I remember that was a concern a ways back
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:09 AM |
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babyfaith
Onward and Upward!
Member since 2/08 3210 total posts
Name:
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Re: IVF decision
Posted by Blu-ize
i have to admit, I'm a bit freaked out about his attitude right now.
I didn't think I had to convince him.
BTDT!!!! I was very upset when DH was initially resistant to IVF but we worked through it with the help of a couples counselor. I agree with you that it was him freaking out about becoming a father. I remind DH that even with IVF there are no guarantees but we had to at least give it a try.
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:10 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: IVF decision
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
Is he still concerned about the risk of multiples?
I remember that was a concern a ways back
we both are, but Dr. Davis helped us understand the risks. They are there but are small.
Heck, I would rather have two than nothing!
Message edited 8/6/2008 11:22:02 AM.
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:21 AM |
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BA2008
Need to find some hope!
Member since 2/08 2485 total posts
Name:
Beth -Ann
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Re: IVF decision
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
Is he still concerned about the risk of multiples?
I remember that was a concern a ways back
OMG - at my 2nd IVF we were lucky enough to actually have 2 emby's to put back. I was just so happy when I got back in the car (DH stayed in the car while I had ET in the city office of RMA). The second I tell him the good news (that we have a better chance than last time) he starts in with the twins thing, selective reduction etc... I was like can I just enjoy this moment and I'm not supposed to get upset right now. I remember someone telling me their RE has a no talk policy after ET. I think I should have enacted that policy. I was so upset. And the odds of us having twins was so slim. But, I had never seen him like this before. Then when we met with Davis he was like, I'd put 5 back in if we can get them. Wonder what DH thought after he said that.
Just to give DH credit, I have a weird shaped (T) uterus and twins could be problem for me. It would be like carrying 4 for someone with a normal uterus. So, he had some merit in what he was saying, but could he just have waited and not freaked out for no reason.
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:28 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: IVF decision
Posted by Blu-ize
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
Heck, I would rather have two than nothing!
EXACTLY
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:33 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: IVF decision
yep Davis said if we get 5, we'll put back 5.
The odds are very slim at our age, but he did say the odds are about 20% for getting pregnant.
Pretty damn good for an old lady like me.
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:34 AM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: IVF decision
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
Posted by Blu-ize
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
Heck, I would rather have two than nothing!
EXACTLY
Same here!
DH was actually hoping and praying for twins and was so happy when we saw 2 little heartbeats. While he is thrilled to be where we are now with one healthy baby, he gets himself so down at times about the loss of the other one.
Susan - I think he needs to just let this sink in for a bit. You have some time before you'd be able to cycle. When IUI's weren't working for us with the clomid, my DH was so not ready to jump into IVF and wanted to try a couple of rounds of IUI with injectibles, I think he saw IVF as a defeat as well. I basically made up his mind for him... I told him I wasn't doing injectibles unless it was for IVF purposes. There was no way in he!! IUI w/injectibles was going to work for us.
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:38 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: IVF decision
I agree. I think he needs time to adjust to the idea. I've been talking to you guys, reading up on everything, doing the wheatgrass, acupuncture..etc..
I've been experiencing all of it and he has been watching, standing by hoping it will just "happen".
Well, I'm 41 freakin years old. The chances of it just happening are slim..
Don, what's your take from the guy side?
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:47 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: IVF decision
Can I play psychologist for a moment?
Not trying to stir the pot or make false accusations at all - I'm just going by what I have read in the past. And with that in mind, I ask the following:
Are you sure he actually wants children?
You've posted in the past about how he enjoys his nights out drinking with the guys, and that kind of stuff.
Of course with children, all that stuff gets scaled back majorly.
I know you have posted that he has been upset when it didn't work naturally, but are you sure it's 100% legit sorrow?
Is it possible that in the back of his mind, he's not crazy about the idea of a child, but went along with the natural route because he knew that there was a slim chance of it working? I'm not saying he was 100% faking it, but could it be that he wasn't as upset as you might believe.
Now, with IVF it increases your chances and he is freaking.
So, I guess the discussion needs to be is he afraid of the responsibilities of parenthood? Or is it that he really doesn't relish the idea.
IMO, if you want something bad enough, you do whatever it takes
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| Posted 8/6/08 11:50 AM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: IVF decision
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
IMO, if you want something bad enough, you do whatever it takes
I agree
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| Posted 8/6/08 12:06 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: IVF decision
Don, I agree that he is freaked out.
He's gone to two Res now. Had blood taken, sperm sample..etc..
He even mentioned to me that he was hoping we would go away next week with me pregnant already.
I do agree that it's scary. I think I want it more, but I still thinks he wants it.
Maybe his level of freak is more than mine right now. Psychologically, I think he is pretty freaked out that it probably will not happen naturally. Ego thing maybe.
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| Posted 8/6/08 12:09 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: IVF decision
I mean, maybe I don't "get" the male ego, but I've never understood why a guy would be uncomfortable going for a SA.
Heck, all the guy has to do is what he does on a regular basis anyway 
And you get free porn
Not very good porn, but free nonetheless
And I don't buy the argument that a man doesn't feel like a man if he can't impregnate his wife naturally.
As long as you can produce sperm, you can impregnate your wife - what's the difference as to the process on how it gets there?
Message edited 8/6/2008 12:11:01 PM.
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| Posted 8/6/08 12:10 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: IVF decision
Posted by Blu-ize
Don, I agree that he is freaked out.
you didn't answer my question though.
Based on what you know, how he loves his nights out - do you think he's ready for this/really wants this?
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| Posted 8/6/08 12:12 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: IVF decision
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
I mean, maybe I don't "get" the male ego, but I've never understood why a guy would be uncomfortable going for a SA.
Heck, all the guy has to do is what he does on a regular basis anyway
And you get free porn
Not very good porn, but free nonetheless
And I don't buy the argument that a man doesn't feel like a man if he can't impregnate his wife naturally.
As long as you can produce sperm, you can impregnate your wife - what's the difference as to the process on how it gets there?
Not all men are as evolved as you I guess.
it took him a long time to propose, get married..etc.. all the big decisions took way too long. Even buying the house. I shouldn't expect that this would be a slam dunk.
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| Posted 8/6/08 12:12 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: IVF decision
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
IMO, if you want something bad enough, you do whatever it takes
I agree w/ this. That being said, it took my DH a LOOONNGG time to come around- and that was because of his religious beliefs. It wasn't until he saw me in tremendous grieving pain at the thought of us being 'done' trying that (he'll say) God put it on his heart that this is the path we were meant to take.
Give your DH some time and make sure you communicate w/ him- but don't overcommunicate w/ him (I learned this the hard way- he'll start to think you're nagging and just shut you out, if he's anything like mine  ).
I'm not going to lie- it's a BIG commitment, but in the scheme of things, it's a short big commitment at the chance of something wonderful. I wish you lots of luck and am sending you  
Message edited 8/6/2008 12:13:01 PM.
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| Posted 8/6/08 12:12 PM |
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