Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

Hi everyone,
I am posting now after lurking for a few weeks. Everyone seems wonderful and supportive, and I could use your advice.

I am married 8 years with occasionally using BC, we had a "whatever" attitude since we've been together since we were teens before getting married. Happy, wonderful, loving marriage that makes people jealous and/or sick

all joking aside, I was diagnosed with MS in 2007. Had to be on meds and not PG for 1 year before getting clearance to come off meds and begin TTC- needless to say, it didn't happen. i had a relapse and had to remain on meds 1 more year. I was ready to go, but my body wasn't.
Very regular cycle, very regular ovulation, good health, weight etc. Got the green light in January of 2010 and began TTC in March (informally) and finaly figured out what to do in July. Geot the CBEFM and tried that. By November, I felt we had to amp things up.

regular Gyn recommended an internal pelvic sono, HSG, full blood workup and endocrinologist visit. Continued TTC to no avail. All tests came back negative.

2 questions: 1 =how do I get hubby (36 but as old-fashioned as DIRT) to go for testing? He still believes that this is "God's plan" and that we should keep TTC. I don't have the luxury of time (need to be back on meds soon) nor age. This is devastating to me, since we are always together on everything.

2= I have an appointment at Hershlag/Cohen soon What can I expect, and what are some other tests I need to have? What could be wrong?

thank you all for listening....
Rascal

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

not sure about #2, since i am with different RE, but i can relate to #1.
my DH is also somewhat in denial.. STILL.. after confirmed MF issues, PCOS, immune and thrombo issues for me and 1 m/c. i say just try talking to him and laying it out, one fact after another. I guess it hurts men's ego when they realize that they are having issues

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

first off, My mom has MS so i know how diffcult that can be.

As for getting your husband on broad, I'm not sure what to tell you. For me my husband was not really open to having testing either. but after a 2 years of trying and two miscarriages I told him, we have tried it your way for two years. Now its time to try it my way. I would ask your husband how long he would want to try before seeking help? And let him know that doctor's say you should seek testing after a year of ttc (under 35) or after 6 months if over 35.

For my first appointment with my RE we sat down and discussed what our concerns were and what's been going on. they took tons of blood and it happen to be cycle day 3 so they did a sono.

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

Posted by curiousO
I guess it hurts men's ego when they realize that they are having issues

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

I just wanted to wish you luck! I also have Dr. Hershlag and after meeting with him my hubby was completly onboard. I hope you have a similar experience, i also agree with the pp men do not like giving a sample and my hubby went mad the first time he had too and someone brought their wife in the waiting room. He thought it was a violation of man code, lol. He has since got over that phobia and has no issues with the whole process. Lots of luck to you.

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

Thank you for your advice so far. I know that he's a man's man, but he wants to wait 3 more months. I don't. I've done it his way for so long, I am emotionally DONE with doing it his way. I told him that I am the boss of this gig, and he's going to have to just deal.

I want him to just cater to me for once in my life. I am not a spoiled brat by any means, nor have I ever needed him to do anythhing for me. Until now.

It's simple- I just want to hear "OK Honey, whatever you need. Where should I stand? When do you need me to be there?"

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

can someone tell me (in not so graphic terms) what is involved in "giving a sample?" Does he need a separate appointment?

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

I don't know how else to say it. He masturbates in a cup that the doctor gives him. He may or may not have to do it at the doctors office. Sometimes you can do it at home then take it to the doctors office if don't live to far. Some doctors don't do semen analysis in the office, in that case he will have to go to a special lab. They have rooms for this with videos and mags.

With multiple seman analsys, IUIs and IVf, my husband has done it so much. He is used to it now and doesn't mind some much anymore.

edited to add: he probably will need his own appointment for the semen anaalysis. But it is usually just to drop it off. Or produce and leave it if you are doing it at the office or lab.

Message edited 3/28/2011 7:30:41 PM.

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

I just saw a RE for the first time today. My DH did not come but, they ask 2 things from your partner before continuing with a specialist. Your husband has to ejaculate in a cup. The good thing is that he can do it at home and bring the sample in within 2 hours. He also will need some blood work done. The woman is not only always the problem. Just because they test him does not mean that you will have to go for IVF treatments. It will help you find out where the problem lies.
BTW- i love your mini schnauzer.

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

I would say the best thing you could do is have DH involved in whats going on. If he goes with you to the appointment at the RE, they will tell him exactly what you guys can do to improve your chances/find out what your issue might be. If he hears straight from the Doc that you guys have a good chance at conceiving if you try x,y, and z.... how can he say NO to that?

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

ah as far as God's plan. if he is in this mind set...you can also say that God created doctors to help us..and God help's those who help themselves.

a dh really has to be on board with if issues. emotionally and physically kwim? would he ever go to a doc appt with you so he knows its not just you that thinks certain things might need to be done?

all i can say is.... you cant force him...but you can also stand for what you believe you need to do. please dont give up!!! gl xoxoox

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

Thank you! He's my furbaby and my saving grace

Re: Just starting the journey... Overwhelmed and confused.

Thanks for the info on the "sample" I told hubby that maybe he should go to the urologist before any of this even starts. Then when it's time to donate, it may not be so bad ? I hope.

Seriously they have a room with magazines and movies? eek, lol. Hey you've gotta do what you've gotta do, right?

I tried telling him that more men have looked at my "cash and prizes" in the past 2 weeks than in my entire life, and then some. He can suck it up and do this, for me.